


A Man Walks Into A Bar

by caprivana, mishas_minions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Crying, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Domestic Castiel, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Dean Winchester, Domestic Sam Winchester, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7788313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caprivana/pseuds/caprivana, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishas_minions/pseuds/mishas_minions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[This fic has ongoing improvements.]<br/>Dean Winchester is out late one Saturday night working his bartender job when a man named Castiel Novak wanders inside the bar in need of help. His abusive relationship with his boyfriend has finally pushed Castiel over the edge, and now he is wading in fear of cutting things off with him. Dean keeps Castiel safe that one night and unintentionally forms a bond with the man over the next few days. However, not everything ends up staying so picture-perfect. A combination of unsolved problems and stubbornness ends up causing a ripple effect of heartache, and it all started when a man walked into a bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Selfless

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to apologize in advance! The updates might be slow due to the way that I'm having to type up the story. I'll try to get chapters finished as quickly as possible.  
> Thanks for patience! <3 caprivana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A man named Castiel is running away from his crazy boyfriend. Upon stumbling into a bar, he finds that the bartender working there is much nicer than he would have originally expected.

The dark alleyway was completely silent aside from pounding feet against the cement ground. Castiel could hear his heartbeat in his ears. His heart was drumming loudly in his chest and it seemed as if it was going to burst, but he never stopped running.

"GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT _NOW!_ "

Castiel spotted a door and he opened it before quickly rushing inside. It took him a moment to realize that he had entered a bar. However, he wasn't sure what the name of the place was. Castiel wasn't familiar with this side of town. He walked up to the counter as casual as possible and greeted the bartender.

"I need help," Castiel quietly stated, his knuckles turning white from gripping the counter so tightly.

The bartender glanced up at the dark-haired man. "Sure, what can I get you?"

"No, I don't want a drink, I-. . . Someone is following me."

"Following you. . .?" The bartender's eyes widened. His gruff voice was now laced with concern.

Castiel hesitated for a second. He didn't even know this man. Was he willing to share such personal information? If he didn't admit his situatiom, the bartender just might end up calling the cops on him. Honestly though. . . that didn't seem like such a bad idea in this case. "My boyfriend is angry with me, and very drunk- and I. . ."

The bartender quickly nodded in understanding and looked around for a moment before motioning to the other man.

"Come back here. There's a place you can hide."

Castiel gave a thankful glance and hopped over, hiding under the counter where the man said he couldn't be seen, and he waited.

The bartender went back to cleaning glasses and serving people just as he normally would. He tried to remain inconspicuous. A few minutes later a taller man with short, brown hair waltzed up to the bar. His greyish eyes were flaming.

"Hey man, you seen a guy about this high, dark hair, blue eyes come running in here?"

The bartender shook his head. He could smell beer heavily staining the man's breath. "Nah, sorry. Can I get you anything?"

The man huffed and shook his head. "No," he said in an annoyed voice, walking away and hovering around the tables, seemingly in-search.

All Castiel could see from under the counter was the bartender's legs, which he now noted were beautifully bowed. It made him feel a little comforted knowing this total stranger was willingly helping him. Something about this guy made Castiel feel at ease, which didn't come easily for him.

Nearly an hour went by before the man left the bar. The bartender looked down at Castiel and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Coast is clear," he said, holding his hand out to help Castiel up.

Castiel heaved a sigh of relief when he heard those three words escape the bartender's lips. He took the bartender's extended hand and got up from under the counter. "I can't thank you enough, truly."

"No problem. Name's Dean by the way," the bartender replied, giving Castiel a warm smile as he shook his hand.

"Castiel," he replied politely, shaking Dean's hand before letting it go.

"Good to meet you," Dean said with a small smirk. "Should I call the cops on that guy?" He asked, voice soft and serious.

"Oh, no. . . that's not necessary." Castiel replied.

Dean nodded, but not really understanding why Castiel didn't want to call the police in a situation like this. It clearly didn't seem like the first time something of this nature had happened. "Do you at least have a place you can go?"

Castiel thought for a moment and then shook his head in embarrassment. "I'm living with him. I can't go back there, though. . . I'm not sure what I should do." He replied honestly. "I would rent a motel room, but I don't have any cash with me. It's all with him," his palms growing sweaty with anxiety.

Dean wanted to help. He felt terrible. However, Castiel was a total stranger. Despite this, one thing was for sure: he couldn't just leave him here. There was some psychopath hunting him down. "Tell you what. . . my shift ends in a couple of minutes. Why don't you stay at my place until you can figure something out?" Dean offered.

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to burden you with that. You hardly even know me at all. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"What would make me uncomfortable is seeing you walk out of here when I know some crazy son of a bitch is after you. Look, It's no trouble, man. Y'don't have anywhere else to go. I don't mind it. Probably brought stranger people home, anyway," Dean joked with a grin, collecting his belongings. "Got a pretty big place all to myself. Comfy couch, too."

Castiel scratched the back of his head. Dean had a point. He had nowhere to go. But could Castiel trust him?

"That's very kind of you," Castiel said softly. Maybe he _could_ trust Dean. The guy saved his life after all. Not to mention that he simply seemed genuine. Wait, hold on just a second. . . what was Cas kidding? This was _crazy._ For all he knew, Dean could be a serial killer, planning on taking Castiel away from the bar and murdering him on some abandon back-road in the middle of nowhere.

No. Dean wasn't a killer. Or if he was, not a very intelligent one. Why would a serial killer give the victim their name?

"Hey, you coming?" Dean asked over his shoulder as he wandered out from behind the bar and made his way towards the front door.

Castiel pondered for a moment before following behind Dean. They both made their way out the door and into the parking lot.

"Baby," Dean said brightly, grinning a little bit. He gestured to the black '67 Chevy Impala that sat in the parking space in front of them. "Had her since I was sixteen."

"She's beautiful," Castiel complimented, eyes scanning over the sleek, vintage muscle car.

Dean smirked in agreement, opening the driver's side door and sliding behind the wheel. He pulled out his keys and turned on the engine. The car gave a loud, gurgling purr that send chills up Cas' spine. Hesitantly, Castiel opened the passenger door.

"Should I sit up here?" he asked awkwardly.

"It's a free country, man," Dean teased, patting his hand on the front seat. "C'mon. I don't bite."

Castiel blushed and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, sitting in shotgun and shutting the door. Of course. . . Castiel was being too weird about this. Dean was just a nice guy trying to do a nice thing.

Dean pulled out of the parking lot and started down the open road, classic rock crackling from the old radio. "So... that guy back there was your boyfriend, huh?" He asked, looking for a little clarification. "Gave me a weird vibe."

"It's a long story..." Castiel explained. "A couple of my college friends got tired of me being boring and isolated all of the time, so they set me up on a blind date about a year ago. You can see how that situation ended."

"You seem pretty cool to me," Dean said, glancing over at Castiel with a small smirk.

"To be fair, you don't really know me..." Castiel shrugged, his cheeks tinged slightly pink. After a few moments he spoke again. "I'm assuming your curiosity is peaked right about now."

Dean shrugged. "I won't press you for anything."

Cas shrugged as well. "I don't mind. I never tell people about it."

"If it'll help to get it off your chest, go right ahead. I've been told I'm a good listener," Dean replied.

Dean wouldn't judge him, right? Hell, what did Cas know about Dean? Nothing.

A few moments passed before Cas spoke again. "Nearly a year ago my friends had set me up on a blind date, without my consent, of course. The two of us have been together since. Our relationship has been one-sided for a while now, however. . . and I don't have the will to end things. He's. . . crazy," Castiel noted. "Things used to be different. Great, even. I was happy for the first time in a while. Jason was such an amazing man, but something in him changed. . . He became easily angered and abusive. Abusive in different ways. . ."

Castiel saw Dean shift in his seat, and he hoped this information didn't make him feel uncomfortable. Finally Dean spoke.

"Have you ever tried reaching out to anyone about what was happening?" Dean asked.

Castiel felt a little ashamed, shaking his head. "I was afraid Jason would find out and do something unpredictable... I've wanted to get help on multiple occasions, but it made me feel pathetic that I couldn't take care of myself. I know pride is a stupid thing to prevent me from asking for help over, but people in this world automatically assume that men are invincible and that manliness equals being able to take care of yourself. Being manipulated and used in those ways. . . it was the ultimate blow to my ego. . ."

Dean's heart took a hit from that statement. "You know, I could get him reported to the cops if you want the help. You could get that dick locked up over fucked up shit like that."

"You'd do that for me," Castiel stated plainly, clearly not convinced. Castiel was a stranger to Dean. Why would Dean care so much?

Dean shrugged. "Course I would. Do me some good to see a guy who treats people like that behind bars," He said as he turned down a winding road.

For the first time in the entire night, Cas glanced over at the bartender, taking in his features. His beautiful profile, his bright, green eyes, his model-quality lips, and his. . . freckles.

"Something on my face?" Dean asked.

Castiel blushed hard and suddenly looked away, cursing at himself for looking for so long. "No, no your face is perfect. That's not what I meant- not that your face _isn't_ perfect, I mean- there's nothing on your face, I was-" Curse his blabbering mouth. "I'm- I, uh. . ."

"Don't get all shy on me, now. I don't mind a compliment," Dean chuckled light-heartedly, slipping out of the car and shutting the door.

Castiel's face flushed redder as he opened the passenger door and stepped out of the car as well, shutting it behind him. He was _so_ embarrassed. Castiel couldn't even have a conversation with the man without making a fool of himself. He needed to stop getting so carried away. Cas shouldn't be concerned with any attraction towards Dean. He had bigger problems.

Dean led Castiel into the house and gave him a small tour, trying his best to make him feel welcome. "Here's the thing. . . I don't have a guest room," he said. " _b_ _ut_ I _do_ have a couch that I'll happily sleep on if you want the bed."

"I'm fine with the couch," Castiel replied. He would feel terrible to kick Dean out of his own bed, considering he'd already done so much for him tonight.

"Slept on the couch plenty of times before. It's not bad. I don't mind it."

Cas felt like he wasn't going to win this argument. "If you really insist."

Dean softly smiled and led Castiel to the bedroom. "The bathroom is just through there," Dean said, pointing at the door in the back of the room. "And the T.V. remote is right here," He state, handing Castiel the remote and gesturing to the flat-screen that hung on the wall. "If you need anything just let me know."

Cas could tell how "lived in" the bedroom looked, but also how neat it was. It was personal with Dean, and Castiel found that weirdly comforting. "Dean. . .?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For doing this," Castiel replied, his cheeks growing gradually warmer after Dean's eyes locked onto his own.

Dean gave a soft smile. "You're welcome," He said, turning around and heading out of the room. "Have a good night".

Castiel saw Dean walk away and he couldn't help but become more flushed at remembering that soft touch on his shoulder. It had been a long time since someone was genuinely kind to him for any reason whatsoever. Despite so many alarms going off in his head, he felt like he could trust Dean.

He sighed and turned around towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it and running a hand through his dark hair. What if Jason found him in the middle of the night and took him back, only to hurt him again? What if Jason found out about Dean helping him and hurt him, too?

He laid back onto the bed and sighed as his head hit the soft pillow. It felt strange sleeping in a stranger's house and in a stranger's bed, but he couldn't deny how comfy he was. Was he crazy for doing something like this? Probably. Not that other events in Castiel's life had been any less crazy.

Castiel let himself sink into the mattress, his muscles loosening for the first time in a while. Memories of Jason flooded his mind. Fists stinging his face, hard booted feet bruising his ribs, slurred shouting... cold hands wrapping around his neck, tightly strangling him.

He shivered.


	2. It's "Cas"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding refuge with Dean, Castiel is bombarded with a few questions as the two men begin to learn a little more about each other. They find that there's a hidden chemistry between them.

The next morning Dean woke up fairly early. He prepared pancakes, eggs, and toast for Castiel and himself, setting everything down on a tray and carrying it to the bedroom. Dean gave a few small taps on the door before peering inside. He relaxed after seeing Castiel curled comfortably under the blankets. It made him feel good seeing the man so peaceful like that, especially after last night. He took a seat at the edge of the bed and set the tray down. "Hey," he whispered, lightly touching Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel's eyes cracked open slowly, and for a moment he didn't remember where he was. "Oh, it's you," he replied gruffly as he rubbed his blurry eyes, his morning voice a little raspy.

"Yeah, just me," Dean replied. "I, uh. . . thought you'd be pretty hungry," he added softly, handing him the tray of food.

"Thank you. This is for me?" Castiel asked, sitting up with a small yawn.

"For us both," Dean replied. "I like to cook." He moved to sit next to Castiel on the bed and offered the tray to him. Cas took it hesitantly and set it on his lap, unsure if he should take a bite of anything yet.

"What time is it?" Castiel asked.

Dean checked his watch. "About nine. You sleep okay?" He asked.

"Better than I have in a while." Castiel said honestly, finally having the courage to pick up a slice of toast and take a bite.

"That's good." Dean was trying to think of the best way to ask Castiel about his relationship with Jason, but at the same time, he'd rather not bring it up. Maybe he'd just wait. "Hey, what kind of movies and shows are you into?" Dean asked.

"Well, I don't really watch a lot of TV, but I like the Star Wars series." Castiel replied.

Of course, Dean should have known. Cas looked like the 'Star Wars geek' type. Not that he would complain about it. Dean also enjoyed his own fair share of Sci-Fi marathoning. He smirked softly at Cas. "Nice," he complimented. Dean's eyes seemed to linger a bit longer than they should have, though.

Castiel glanced over and noticed this. "Something on my face?" he asked with a raised brow, mocking Dean's statement from the previous night.

Dean cleared his throat and looked away. "Should have seen that one coming," he said quickly, finding his smile not being able to go away yet.

Castiel chuckled softly, and it made Dean's chest grow in warmth. After a few waves of silence, Castiel spoke. "So what about you? What do you like watching?" Cas wasn't sure why he was so suddenly interested it what Dean liked watching. He wasn't sure why he was interested in Dean at  _all._ Maybe he just wanted to fill all of this awkward silence that filled the room each time either one of them stopped talking.

"I don't know, I like Game of Thrones I guess. I'm not much of a TV person, honestly," He replied, cutting into his stack of pancakes and shoving a bite into his mouth.

"Well, at least we have that in common," Castiel noted. Who _cared_ what they had in common? Castiel wasn't friends with Dean. Dean just took pity on him because of last night's events. Castiel is only at Dean's house because he has nowhere else to go. _End of story_.

"You only into guys?" Dean suddenly asked.

Cas nearly choked on his toast. What a blunt question. "Take me out to dinner first, Dean." He said, raising a brow.

Dean rolled his eyes with a smile. "It's a serious question."

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek before replying. "Yes. . . However, when I was younger I dated a girl. I hadn't really found myself yet, and I think that was when I really started to figure out I didn't like girls that way. My feelings always felt forced."

Dean could definitely understand that. "Well, looks like we're not too different. I swing both ways." He stated simply.

Castiel was a bit surprised. He would have _definitely_ assumed Dean was straight as a board, considering the type vibe he gave. Castiel supposed that proved there were no such things as stereotypes when it came to liking people of the same gender. In the back of his mind he even had a small hope that Dean might like _him_. "Oh," Castiel stated softly.

"You have a problem or something?" Dean asked, a curious tone behind his words. He had been used to people making him feel nasty because of his sexuality, and despite possibly forming a crush on Castiel, Dean was ready to defend himself.

Castiel actually chuckled. "Don't be silly. Of course not," he said, shaking his head. "You just didn't come off that way to me, I suppose. I thought you were straight."

This time it was Dean's turn to chuckle. "Cas, I haven't been straight since eighth grade."

The two of them laughed for a moment before Castiel interrupted. "Did you call me 'Cas'?"

Dean pursed his lips for a moment in thought before giving a small grunt. "Yeah, guess I did," Dean concluded. "You don't like it? I can still call you Castiel."

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn't fond of nicknames. Kids used to pick on him when he was younger and call him things like "Cassie" or "Cassandra." But "Cas", he liked very much. Especially if Dean called him that. "Cas is fine. I know my name is annoyingly long."

Dean smirked softly.

A few moments passed before Cas broke the silence. "I could probably catch a bus to the next town over sometime this afternoon-"

"Hey, I'm not just gonna kick you out to the curb, man," Dean interrupted. "I know shit's happened to you and we're still pretty much acquaintances, but stay as long as you need to. I know you don't have money with you or anything, either. Can't pay for a motel. Just stay, okay?" He moved to touch Castiel's hand, as if to reassure him. Dean didn't want Cas to endanger himself by leaving town. With what Dean seemed to know about Jason already, he'd most likely follow Cas. Who knows what would happen if the psycho found him.

Cas felt heat go to his face and looked over at Dean, who also flushed some himself. Cas wasn't sure how he felt about the personal contact, but didn't pull his hand away. "Thank you."

Dean nodded in response, hand pulling away finally. Cas almost missed the warmth it provided. He got up and went to grab his car keys from the dresser. "I'm gonna head out and run some errands. Is there anything you want me to bring back for you?"

Cas thought for a moment. He'd been wearing the same outfit for two days now. "Maybe some clothing?"

"Oh, right. . . yeah, that's probably important." Dean went and grabbed a tee and some sweatpants from his drawer. "You can wear this until I get back," He said, tossing it to Cas and giving a small smile.

"Oh," Cas said, examining the clothing curiously. It looked like it would fit, but it would probably be a little baggy. "Thanks."

"No problem. Be back in a little bit," Dean said, exiting the room and leaving the house.

Cas stared back down at the clothes again before going into the bathroom to change. He pulled his shirt over his head. Cas glanced up and studied his reflection. His chest and abdomen were decorated with angry bruises of all different sizes, and few scrapes and cuts found their way around the tight curves of his muscles. Cas shut his eyes tightly before opening them again and grabbing the shirt Dean gave him, quickly sliding it over his body so he wouldn't have look at the marks on him any longer. He exited the bathroom and made his way into the living room, sitting on the couch and turning on the TV.

 

* * *

 

 Dean came back around dinner time. He'd taken the time to go shopping and buy Cas new clothes. He made his way into the living room where Cas was sitting on the couch. Not much had changed, except now he was wearing Dean's clothes. Dean chuckled before entering the room. "Diggin' the new look," Dean teased, leaning up against the wall and smirking.

Cas looked over at him and blushed, looking down at the clothes he was currently wearing. He had forgotten he was still wearing Dean's clothes. "You were gone for a while," Cas noted. "You're not worried about a stranger being in your house for hours?"

Dean shrugged. "Nah, I've had weirder people in my house, believe me," he muttered. Cas wasn't sure if he should take that as a compliment or not. "Grabbed some things for you if you wanna check 'em out."

"Alright." Cas said, grabbing the bag and peering inside. He pulled each item of clothing out and examined them. There were a few polos, regular tees and also a few pairs of jeans. "These will be more than fine. Thank you."

"No problem, thought they'd suit you good enough," Dean replied sincerely. "Hungry? Picked up a ton of groceries. I can make something."

Cas hadn't eaten since earlier this morning. He felt his stomach grumble. "That would be nice. Can I help?" Cas felt like a lost dog ever since Dean helped him out the night before. Dean had practically waited on him hand and foot, and he felt like he should repay him somehow.

"Sure. C'mon, chef," Dean replied, making his way out of the room and grabbing the bag of groceries on his way to the kitchen. "Whatcha in the mood for? Spaghetti? Steak?"

"Whatever you're willing to cook, I'll eat. I don't feel like I'm in any position to request what you cook for dinner," Cas said simply, standing from the bed and following behind Dean.

Dean smiled and placed a frying pan on the stove, slapping two steaks down and starting to cook them. "Could you cut up some vegetables?"

"Of course."

As they worked in the kitchen, their arms brushed against each other. They got very close on some occasions, and Dean's heart swelled each time it happened. Little did he know, so did Cas'. After plating the food, they sat down at the kitchen table and began eating.

"If this is how you always cook vegetables then I really need to keep you around here forever," Dean mumbled around a mouthful of broccoli, practically moaning at the food. Dean hated vegetables. If Cas could make them taste good, then this man was a miracle worker.

Cas smiled a little, cutting into the steak and taking a bite. He hummed at the taste. "The steak is perfect."

"Thanks," Dean smirked. He took a bite of his steak and hummed in content. A lot of people had complimented him on his cooking skills, but he didn't cook outside of home. "You up for a movie?" Dean questioned, glancing over at Cas.

Cas' attention was caught at the word. Movie. It seemed a little odd to him that Dean was being so friendly when they only met less than a day ago, but Cas wouldn't judge. "What did you have in mind?"

"Haven't seen the Star Wars movies. Always wanted to."

"You _haven't seen them?"_ He asked, almost offended. "They're fantastic."

Dean chuckled and raised a hand in defense. "Sorry, didn't know you were such a nerd."

"I prefer the term enthusiast," Cas replied, cutting another bite of his steak and popping it into his mouth.

"Well," Dean ate the last bit of steak that was on his plate, "I'll go set it up in the living room and finally lose my nerd-haven virginity."

Cas laughed. "You'll enjoy it." He continued to finish his meal and washed it all down with a glass of water before heading into the living room where Dean was.

Dean put the disk into the DVD player and grabbed a blanket. He plopped down on the couch and patted the spot beside him. Suddenly, Cas felt his ears get a little hot, and a nervous twist formed in his gut. He wasn't sure exactly why. Cas had sat close to Dean earlier this morning, and this wouldn't be much different. It must have been because they'd be sitting on a small couch under the same blanket. Cas tried his best to shove any insecurities to the back of his mind and sat down with a soft smile, getting under the blanket with Dean. Their body heat merged together under the blanket and instantly felt nice to Cas' cold hands. He let himself sink into the couch. The movie started playing, and Dean's hands brushed against Cas'. Dean practically gasped. "Your hands are freezing," He observed, moving to take them between his own to warm them up. Cas glanced at Dean with a small blush before returning his focus to the movie.

Dean's chest swelled from being so close to Cas. He couldn't deny that he really liked Cas. Dean stayed close to Cas throughout the whole movie, liking the subtle intimacy. He yawned softly and, without really thinking about it, laid his head on Cas' shoulder. Cas froze and his eyes veered over to Dean, realizing that the weight was the man's head. Cas blushed but his gaze softened a little. It was strange to Cas for feeling so comforted and safe around another man, especially a strange man, considering that for the past year the only man he had been with did nothing but mistreat him. He let Dean's head stay there as he returned his gaze to the television screen. 

A hidden smile curved Dean's lips as he and Cas continued watching the movie. He never wanted it to end. Not because the movie was good, because frankly- Dean wasn't that into it- but because he knew that Cas would leave to get in Dean's bed, which was rooms away. Dean wanted to stay next to Cas like this forever if he could.

Cas had seen this movie a thousand times, and to his displeasure, began to fall asleep. His eyes occasionally fluttered shut despite his efforts to keep them open. Finally, he lost the battle. His body was relaxed in a dead sort of state and his mouth hung open a little as quiet breaths escaped his lips.

Dean's brows furrowed a little as he looked at the screen and he whispered over to Cas. "Hey, who's that weird fat alien-" Dean looked over and noticed the small snores coming from the other man. Cas was asleep. Dean knew he was happy Cas wasn't awake, because that meant Dean could just stay here on the couch until morning with him. He sighed softly and grabbed the TV remote, turning the television off and leaving them both in the serene darkness of the night.


	3. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean officially click. As the day plays out, the two find that they might need each other more than they assumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for being so patient for this chapter! School will be starting up for me at the end of this week which means I won't be able to update as often as I would like, but I encourage you to tell others about this story if you like it.
> 
> It'd mean a lot!
> 
> Thanks for your love and support. <3 caprivana

Cas awoke the next morning and lifted his head, feeling a somewhat familiar weight on his shoulder. He glanced down at the head that was laid on him. Memories from the previous night came rushing back. As much as he didn't want to move, he knew he couldn't stay like this all day. He sighed before taking a hand out from under the blanket and shaking Dean's opposite shoulder lightly.

"Hey," he whispered.

Dean made a small noise in protest and wrapped his arms around Cas' waist, cuddling closer. "Too early. . ." he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

Cas froze again like he did the night before, blushing from ear to ear. Dean was. . . clinging to him. He wasn't really sure what to do about that, so he simply didn't do anything at all. Cas glanced at the clock on the wall and his brows furrowed. "Dean, it's almost noon," Cas whispered again.

Dean's eyes cracked open and he stared at the clock in disbelief. "Oh damn, what?" He moved a hand to start rubbing his eyes. "I don't usually sleep this late. Guess you're just comfy," he mumbled.

Honestly, Cas couldn't bring himself to move. "I suppose. . . I am." He hadn't felt this warm in a long time. It was oh-so comfortingly warm. Cas glanced out the window and curiously watched as the sunlight filtered through the blinds. He was so comfortable. More comfortable than he had been in over a year.

After a few beats of comfortable silence had fallen between them, Dean finally spoke up. "I feel like we should talk about Jason. . . I know you don't want to."

Cas' attention switched from the window at that name. "Alright. . ." He replied, fidgeting a little bit in the couch.

"Have you tried talking to the cops before?" Dean asked softly, gently rubbing on the back of Cas' hand with his thumb.

Cas tried to relax some. He was safe, and he needed to remember that. "No."

"Okay. If it's good with you, I'll try calling 'em tonight then, but I gotta have some info on him. Can you tell me some stuff? I know what the guy looks like but I don't know much else."

"Sure," Cas replied quietly. He was worried about himself and worried about Dean. What if Jason found out where Cas was and came for him? What if Jason hurt Dean? Cas would never forgive himself.

"We can talk more about it later. Baby steps, okay?" Dean said. He leaned in, and- before he realized what he was doing- his lips brushed against Cas' cheek. Dean had time to pull away once he knew what he'd almost done. He blushed profusely, not really believing what nearly happened. Cas' eyes fluttered wide as he sat there under the blanket, his face completely red.

"I-I..." Dean cleared his throat and looked down at his feet. "I'm gonna go- I'll just, coffee-" he said quickly before standing and rushing away.

Cas sat there without moving a muscle as Dean b-lined for the kitchen. His face felt like it was on fire. Dean's lips hadn't even completely touched Cas' cheek, but it felt like an electric shock had been sent through him from the small contact. While in the kitchen, Dean mentally scolded himself for doing that without thinking. He rubbed his temple as he prepared the coffee, desperately wishing he could take it back. He really liked Cas. He didn't want to mess anything up. It was much soon, and Dean knew that. He felt like a dick. Cas had been through so much shit and here Dean was, nearly kissing the guy because he couldn't control his bubbling crush. Just fucking great.

A few minutes later Dean returned with two mugs of coffee. Without making eye contact, he sat down next to Cas and handed him one of the mugs, starting to sip the bitter liquid from his own so he didn't have to talk.

Cas began to drink his coffee slowly, letting the mug warm his once again cold hands.

He missed Dean's warmth. Cas hoped Dean wouldn't try to avoid him after that little incident. Even if Cas had been a little flustered at first, he didn't mind the gentle affection. It had been forever since Cas had experienced something like that, and a part of him wanted to feel it again.

Dean was forced to pull the mug away from his mouth when he felt like he'd explode if he didn't talk. He hesitantly looked over at Cas, cheeks still red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking," he said finally.

"It's okay," Cas replied, looking down into his mug.

"The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable," Dean stated, drumming his fingers against the side of the mug.

Cas shrugged awkwardly, his gaze still locked on the containment of brown liquid resonating in his hands. "I wish you hadn't pulled away so soon. . ." he admitted.

Dean's eyes widened slightly and he looked at Cas. Cas _wanted_ Dean to kiss him? Dean was sure he couldn't possibly like Cas any more than he already did. But instead of grabbing the collar of Cas' shirt and kissing him, he reached over and took one of Cas' hands and laced their fingers together. He desperately didn't want to scare him away. Dean hadn't liked another person like this in so long, and it felt good, but the last thing he wanted was to run Cas off.

Cas looked down at their hands and then up at Dean. "Thank you so much. I really don't know how I can thank you enough for all that you've been doing for me," he said quietly.

"You don't have to thank me for anything," Dean smiled at Cas before letting go of his hand and going back to drinking his coffee.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The rest of the morning was pretty much uneventful. They mainly watched TV and had small talk, simply getting to know each other a little more. Dean got up at one point to make lunch for himself and Cas since they slept through breakfast. After they finished eating, they found themselves back in Dean's bedroom, sitting on the mattress with their backs pressed against the headboard.

"I really hate to bring it up again," Dean started with a sigh, "but could you tell me more about Jason? Just a few things about what he did to you so I can explain it to the police. It doesn't have to be super-detailed."

Cas nodded. He knew this was going to have to come up at some point.

"Jason would mostly become aggressive after drinking alcohol, but it doesn't really matter since he's hardly ever sober," Cas began. "He hit me mostly. . . but he influenced kicking lots of times when I tried to defend myself," Cas explained. His voice finally shrunk to a quieter tone. "But the worst was when he-" Cas breathed in and exhaled through his nose, his eyes watering a little. ". . .would choke me." Cas' voice was barely audible. "He would come home late every night completely drunk and take out his anger on me. Nonstop. Just, hitting, kicking. . . _everything_. A-And he'd. . . he'd do some things . .. things without my permission. Telling him to stop o-or saying 'no' didn't do anything, and I- I felt so. . . so _weak_ , and- and. . ."

Dean was heartbroken. "You didn't deserve any of that, I hope you know that."

Cas tried to push back tears. He weakly shrugged. And covered his face with his hands. "It's not as if I tried to do anything to _stop_ it-"

"Don't say that, Cas. You were _terrified_. Anyone would have been if they were in the same situation. Don't blame yourself." He cupped Cas' cheek and wiped away the wet trail it left behind with his thumb.

Cas reluctantly fell apart in front of Dean. He'd never been able to tell anyone about what he'd been through. It was always bottled up inside of him, and now his emotions were being let free like a broken dam. Cas opened his eyes and looked into Dean's as tears began to spill down his cheeks. He was so tired of feeling vulnerable. Cas shut his eyes again and hung his head. "I understand if you hate me now. I'd hate me, too if I were you. I'm corrupted. . . I'm impure-"

"Shh. . ." Dean pulled Cas into his arms and held him there tightly. He rubbed Cas' back as he sat there holding him. Cas' body shook as he cried. Even though he always felt weak, Dean's embrace was strong- and after a while- Cas' sobs turned into staggered breaths. Cas wished he could just stay like this. He felt so safe being held in this way. Dean's hold on him was genuine and sincere, and Cas swore that nothing could ever hurt him again if he remained in this embrace. He clutched to Dean for a while. Dean spoke to him gently. "It's okay. . . You're okay, Cas."

Cas calmed down a little. He removed his hands from Dean's shirt and wrapped his arms around knees. "I'm stupid for acting this way," he said, his voice muffled.

"Hey, you're not stupid. It was my fault for asking you to talk about it," Dean said sternly. He cupped the side of Cas' face and tilted his head so he'd face him. "Cas, look at me."

Cas opened his tear-rimmed eyes again. His mouth was still quivering, and he couldn't seem to help it.

Dean stared warmly into Cas' eyes for a moment. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're fine just the way you are. I can't even begin to imagine all of the hell you went through, but believe me when I tell you that I'll make sure you know how significant you are. You're worth so much, Cas. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You didn't deserve any of that, okay? Don't try and convince yourself that you did."

Cas looked up at Dean, eyes beginning to soften a little. Nobody had ever said something so kind.

Dean gave Cas a small smile. "You're a strong person. Don't ever think any different."

". . .Thank you, Dean." Cas replied softly after a few moments.

Dean let his hand fall away from Cas' face. "You okay?" He asked softly, hoping the wave of negative feelings Cas had felt had at least subsided.

Cas nodded to Dean. "Thank you," he replied with a weak smile. Cas wiped his face with his hands. His cheeks still felt sticky from tears and his eyes felt a little puffy, but for the first time in a long time. . . he felt at peace with himself. Dean's words had spoken to him and wedged their way into his heart. Cas was grateful.

Dean laid down on the bed and rubbed his temples. "I have to leave for work."

"That's okay. I'll be fine," Cas replied. Though he wanted nothing more than to spend the whole day with Dean having his back inside this secure, little house, he knew that wasn't possible. "How long is your shift?"

"Four to nine," Dean replied. "Will you be okay by yourself for a little while?" He asked, glancing over at the other man.

"I'll try."

Dean at up and  reached over to grab a piece of paper and a pen from the bedside table, scribbling his number down and handing it to Cas. "If you need me for any reason, just call and I'll come straight back."

"Okay," Cas said, grabbing the little piece of paper with the digits scribbled on it. He looked over at Dean with a small smile, his blue eyes shining a little. Cas didn't know why he was even smiling like that.

Dean chuckled lightly and platonically wiped Cas' damp cheek with his thumb. "You'll be alright." He reluctantly pulled away after a moment and sighed. "I'll see you in a few hours," he said before rolling out of bed and grabbing his keys. "Lock the door behind me," He called over his shoulder.

Cas got out of bed and followed behind Dean. "Drive safely, please."

Dean's cheeks brightened as he smiled. It felt a little weird having someone concern for him like that. "Sure. Anything for you, Cas." he replied with a light chuckle. Dean turned and left the house, heading to the Impala. Castiel watched Dean walk to his car.

Once Dean got in and drove off, Cas shut the door and flipped over the lock.

 

* * *

 

Dean's shift had been more tiresome than usual. There were a few bar fights he had to break up, one of them resulting in a nasty bruise on his cheek. There had also been a few really drunk drunks who'd pushed his buttons. On the bright side, Cas didn't call him, which meant everything was fine back at the house. After cleaning up the bar Dean clocked out and headed home.

He pulled up to the house at around nine thirty. Dean tiredly made his way up to the front door and knocked a few times. He was exhausted and had one hell of a shiner. Cas heard the knocking and immediately stood from the couch, making his way to the door. He unlocked it and pulled it open slightly, his eyes widening. "Dean. . .?" Cas asked under his breath. He opened the door wider and reached out a hand to Dean's face. "What happened to your face?" He asked, letting him inside.

"Nothin'. Bar fight," Dean explained. "Happens more than you'd think." He said, striding over to sit down at the kitchen table.

"Does it still hurt?" Cas asked, standing next to Dean at the table and examining the bruised eye.

"A little bit. . ." Dean admitted. "I've had worse."

Cas nodded, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a Ziploc bag. He filled it with ice and wrapped a paper towel around it, returning to Dean. He handed it to him silently. Dean took the bag and pressed it against his cheek. "Thanks," he said softly.

Cas sat down at the table next to Dean, his hands in his lap. "I'm afraid to ask. . . How was work?"

"Horrible," Dean muttered with a dry chuckle, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes, hoping the pain would subside. "Wish I could quit, but I really need the money."

Cas frowned. He sat there for a moment, twiddling his thumbs. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine," Dean assured, getting up a few moments later to pour himself a glass of whiskey. Cas continued to sit at the table, a small silence filling the room. Dean slumped with his hip against the counter as he took a swig from the glass in his hand, still holding the ice to his swollen cheek. His back was facing Cas, but he man definitely noticed how upset Dean was. He didn't want to see him like that.

Cas stood and walked over behind Dean, sliding his arms around his torso and wrapping them around, hugging him from behind. Dean instantly relaxed. Why was this so nice?

They stood in a very comfortable silence as Dean lifted the glass to his mouth and took another swig. Dean slowly began feeling better in this quiet moment. It was strange how the man could read Dean so well. Dean wasn't normally a book so easily read. When Dean was upset or annoyed, he usually tried to distance himself from people, when- in reality- all he needed was some comfort. "Cas?" Dean asked.

"Yes, Dean?"

". . .I. . . really like you."

Cas felt his chest tighten, his cheeks warming. "I like you too."

Dean sighed in content. He was excited to hopefully things a step further with Cas since he was sure of their feelings, but he was scared Cas might not be ready for that. He'd gone through hell in his last relationship, fairly assuming that Cas and Jason were over. "You tired?" Dean asked softly, rubbing small circles onto the back of Cas' hand.

"A little, but I won't gripe about it."

Dean chuckled. "Well, before _I_ gripe about it, think I'm gonna crash."

"Goodnight then," Cas pulled away from Dean and beginning to ease toward the bedroom.

Dean watched Cas walk away until he was out of sight, giving a tired sigh. He finished his whiskey and set the glass in the sink, going over to the couch and crawling under the wool blanket. Dean yawned as he began sinking into the cushions. He'd much rather be in his own bed, but maybe there'd be a right time for that.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas had sat down on Dean's bed, hesitantly grabbing his cellphone which hadn't been looked at in over a day. He left it on silent, figuring Jason would blow up his messages... which he did. There were over fifty notifications. Calls, texts, voice mails.

Reluctantly, Cas dialed his voicemail and began listening to the messages.

'I don't know where the hell you ran of to Castiel, but I will find you.' Jason sounded drunk. Cas deleted the message and listened to the next one.

'Castiel... come back. I'm sorry. Please come back.'

Delete.

'Dammit, answer the damn phone you good-for-nothing-'

Delete.

'Come back-'

Delete.

'Please-'

Delete. Delete. Delete. Every single one.

Cas was scared now, but angry more than anything. He was sick of all of this. Cas deleted all the text messages, not even bothering to read those. Frustrated and tired, he set his phone back on the table and got under the covers.

Maybe all he needed was some sleep.

 

* * *

 

Dean woke up a few hours later from feeling a sharp pain in his cheek. He groaned and sat up slightly. Dean had been sleeping right on top of his bruised side. He reached over and grabbed the ice pack Cas made, which was mostly melted by now, and held it up to his face. He glanced at the clock, noticing it wasn't even two in the morning. Dean huffed and sank back down into the cushions, hoping he'd be able to fall asleep again. Moments later, his eyes widened at hearing a sudden yell from the bedroom, and he quickly sat up.

_"Cas?!"_

Dean shot up from the couch, the bag of watery ice falling onto the floor. He ran into the bedroom and let out a small breath when he saw that Cas was the only one in the room. Cas looked over at Dean, his wide and tired eyes nearly pouring with tears. "Dean-" Cas gasped for air. More tears spilled down his face as he pulled his legs to his chest, body quaking. Cas was scared out of his mind. A panic attack was clearly blossoming.

"Hey. . ." Dean slowly made his way to the bed and sat down next to him, pulling him into his arms. "Shh. . . it's okay, I've got you." He rubbed Cas' arm gently.

Cas sniffled into Dean's chest as his body shook in the man's grasp. He tried to calm his breathing. Cas' soft voice quivered. "I just wanted- I wanted it to stop- I wanted it to stop-"

Dean laid down and held Cas against his chest. He felt so angry. Cas was broken, and the jackass who made him that way was still out there somewhere. All Dean wanted to do was lock Jason behind bars so Cas could finally have some closure.

Cas was bright awake from the crying, but thankfully,  it made him fall back asleep fairly quick. Dean sighed when he heard Cas' breathing even out and his body lay still. Dean stayed awake for a little while just to make sure that Cas didn't wake up again from another nightmare.

Seeing Cas go through this pained Dean. Not only did Dean like Cas, but he also considered him his friend. Hopefully things wouldn't stay this way forever.


	4. Missed Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out that Jason has still been trying to contact Cas. The two are continuing to bond. Cas also finds out something quite amusing about Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THAT THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT.
> 
> I just started school and so I'm not sure how often I will be able to update, but I will try my hardest to get the story posted. And that most likely means shorter chapters due to time management.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with us since chapter one. Please enjoy chapter 4!
> 
> Don't forget to Kuddos and Comment so we know how we are doing. ;-)
> 
> Thank you for your patience and infinite support!
> 
> <3 caprivana

A few days had passed, and Dean and Cas were becoming closer than ever. When Cas awoke this particular morning he could feel Dean's arms wrapped around him. He snuggled as close to Dean as physically possible. Cas remembered his nightmare from a few nights ago. Dean had been sleeping in the bed with him since then, and that had managed to keep the bad dreams away. Dean mumbled something under his breath and nuzzled his face into Cas's neck. He continued to sleep peacefully for a few minutes longer before his eyes finally fluttered open. Dean lazily smiled against Cas' skin. "Morning," He mumbled.

Cas smiled at Dean's low and gruff morning voice. "Good morning," he replied with a close mouthed sigh.

Dean ran a gentle hand through Cas' hair, his fingers brushing the dark strands away from his hooded eyes. "How you feeling?" Dean asked.

"Fine." Cas ducked his head and met his forehead with Dean's chest, his eyes shutting.

Dean gave a small smile. "Did you want to do somethin' today?" Dean asked him. "You've been sitting inside for a while. Could take us out somewhere if you want."

"I know. . . I just feel safer here is all," he admitted, his expression slightly dropping.

Dean hated seeing Cas upset. "I already called the cops a couple days ago and reported Jason. Pretty sure they're already looking for him."

Cas knew Dean was right, but he just couldn't get the thought out of his head of Michael finding him. However, he knew the chance was very very slim. "Alright." He replied with a half-smile. Dean made Cas feel secure. If he were to leave this house with Dean and go out into the real world again, he knew he would be safe.

'You want some coffee?" Dean asked.

Cas gave a small nod.

"Okay. I'll be right back." Dean rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen.

Cas hated the feeling of Dean being gone, even if it was only a few rooms away. The vibe of the empty space in the bed next to him just didn't feel right. Not to mention, he couldn't stop worrying. Cas had been looking on his phone when Dean walked back into the room about ten minutes later. "Liquid heaven is just a few seconds away from your lips," Dean grinned.

Cas couldn't suppress a smile. "Thank you, Dean."

Dean had definitely noticed that Cas' phone had been going off a lot lately. He wondered who had been blowing it up, but Dean didn't want to pry. However, he couldn't hide his peaked curiosity. "Who are you texting?" Dean asked a little hesitantly.

"I wasn't texting anyone. I was just deleting some messages," Cas said quietly, fumbling with his fingers in his lap.

"From who?"

Cas sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"That asshole _still_ not leaving you alone?!" Dean asked, his voice suddenly stern. He was beginning to become very protective of Cas and didn't like that Jason was still harassing him.

"No. . . but I think the calls finally stopped coming in," Cas was hopeful of that fact. Ironically, his phone began to vibrate. He cringed at the sound and sighed.

Dean wanted to grab Cas' phone and answer the call. He wanted to yell at Jason to _fuck off_ , but he knew that wasn't a smart move. Instead, Dean calmly grabbed the phone and hung up. "He'll probably try calling you using more than one phone. I'll take you to get a new one."

Cas set his head on Dean's shoulder. His eyes were shut and his expression grew somber. "Okay."

"Hey, it's all fine," Dean reassured him, setting the phone down and rubbing his hand down Cas' back. "C'mon, where's that adorable smile of yours? I know it's in there somewhere."

Cas' eyes were still shut as a small smile began creeping onto his lips. He couldn't help but smile. Dean already knew he couldn't frown for too long.

Cas chuckled and lifted his head to look at Dean. "I hate you so much."

Dean smiled widely and started tickling Cas' side. "Don't act like you don't love it," he said with a smirk.

Cas tried to hold back a laugh of his own, but he failed miserably at that. He was far too ticklish. Cas tried to push Dean's hands away from him but he was laughing too hard. He fell over onto his side on the bed. Dean followed him, continuing to tickle him senseless. "No, stop it!" Cas' laugh made Dean grin from ear to ear. This was the first time he had heard and seen Cas laugh like this. It was a beautiful sound and sight that made the bartender's heart flutter. Cas' top lip curled slightly upwards, revealing some of his gums along with his bright, white grin. His nose wrinkled along with the corners of his eyes. It was absolutely adorable. "What did you say? Couldn't understand you," Dean teased, continuing to tickle him all over.

"Dean-" Cas was laughing so hard that he could barely breathe. Tears began forming at the corners of his eyes. He made gasps for air and immediately let them out with more laughs. "Please- please!" He managed to spit out.

"Okay, I'll stop. . . but only on one condition."

Cas' laughing subsided a little and he starting breathing heavily, trying to calm down his burning ribs. "What?"

"You owe me a belly rub tonight."

Cas snorted. "Seriously? A belly rub?"

"Oh, shut up. . ." Dean muttered, his cheeks growing pink. "Guilty pleasure. You've gotta have one, too."

Cas smiled at Dean, opening his arms for a hug as his back pressed into the mattress under him. "Come here. Don't be embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed," Dean retorted, with a bigger blush. He laid down on top of Cas, allowing himself to be hugged nonetheless.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's back and shut his eyes with a smile. "I'll rub your belly tonight," Cas stated, "but you deserve much more than that if you ask me."

"Trust me, I don't need anything else."

That made Cas laugh. Dean was so basic, but as Cas began learning more about him, he realized how complicated Dean was at the same time.

Dean pulled back and Cas smiled up at him softly. "You seem like a simple kind of man."

Dean shrugged with a chuckle. "I've got a lot of layers. You've just gotta get to 'em," he stated, getting up and pulling on a jacket. "Come on, let's get you a new phone."


	5. Sirens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean get new cellphones. Dean has a surprise for Cas and he confesses something to him. Cas is beginning to see sides of Dean he didn't know were even there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for making this story reach over 1k hits! We are so glad you like the story so far.
> 
> Here's chapter five! Don't forget to leave kudos and comment so that we can continue to give you guys an amazing story. Thank you for the love and support!!!
> 
> <3 caprivana + mishas_minions

Dean and Cas were both in the Impala, going down the open road.

"Any idea of what kind of phone you want?" Dean asked, glancing at Cas quickly before gluing his eyes back onto the road in front of him.

Cas glanced down at his current phone which was set on his lap. "Something a little more updated I suppose," he replied softly, giving a small chuckle. His was no smartphone. It was a blackberry. The screen was scratched up and the back of the phone occasionally fell off if he wasn't careful.

"I just use this guy." Dean said, pulling out an old flip phone out of his back pocket and tossing it to Cas. The screen was cracked and the only way to text was with the numbered buttons. There weren't very minutes on it, either.

Cas looked at the fossil phone, wide-eyed. And he thought his was about as outdated as phones could get. "How do you use this thing...?" he asked, opening it and examining it.

Dean practically scoffed. "Just use the arrows to get to the little thingy that looks like an envelope. It's not that fast but it does what it's supposed to," he muttered.

Cas shrugged. "I prefer the simple, too," he gave a small smile. "Mine is basically the same except the buttons are like a computer keyboard. I find it much easier to text that way."

Dean glanced over at Cas's phone and then at his own. "Maybe I should get an upgrade..." he mused. "You think it'd make me look younger?"

Cas chuckled. "What do you mean? You don't look a day over eighty," he teased. "And neither does your phone."

Dean huffed and returned his attention back to the road. "You're a dick," he chuckled.

"Really?" Cas laughed. "I guess someone doesn't want a belly rub from me then," he smirked slightly, looking at Dean from the corner of his eye.

"I guess someone's gonna get tickled senseless until they agree to give me a belly rub," Dean retorted with narrow eyes.

"Well... I guess someone is going to give in easily to that agreement," Cas admitted, voice submitting as he put his elbow on the door and placed his head in his hand, looking at the trees and buildings that passed by.

"Hm." Dean continued to smirk as he drove them both to the store.

Soon they pulled up at the place and went inside, beginning to browse at the vast selection of different cellphones.

"What about this one?" Dean asked, gesturing to a pretty old phone. He wasn't familiar with technology or what was 'in' right now.

Cas gave a small smile. "Not going out with the old, huh?" Cas stated. "I mean, it's fine. I don't really use my phone that much anyway." He added. "Here, look at this one." Cas suggested, motioning over to another one a few phones over.

Dean picked it up and started examining the device. He wasn't sure what brand it was. It looked very similar to Cas's current phone, except the keyboard slid out from the bottom.

"You know, I kind of like this one." Dean admitted.

Cas chuckled. "Then you should get it." He said, looking at a couple of other phones.

He spotted one similar looking to the one he had, but this one had a touch screen and the keyboard slid out from the side of the phone. Cas examined it.

Dean took the phone he had and removed it from the rack, keeping it with him. He decided it was time to get a new phone. He moved and stood next to Cas, watching him browse.

"It's time for an upgrade, huh?" Cas asked, still focusing on the phone he was looking at. He picked it up and slid it open, looking at the buttons and seeing how it felt in his hands.

"Yeah, it's time I stopped being a complete grandpa." Dean chuckled. "How 'bout you? You like that one?" He raised his brows.

Cas gave a small smile before nodding.

"Yeah, this one is nice." He stated, pulling it off of the rack. "It still has enough simplicity to it."

"Alright." Dean took the phone from Cas and headed for the front counter. "I'll get these paid for and we can head outta here."

"Thank God." Cas chuckled under his breath.

He continued to walk around and glance at the smartphones curiously as Dean finished paying for their phones. After getting plans set up for the new phones and paying for everything, Dean came back and handed Cas his phone.

"All set. Unlimited calls and texts." He said, with a small smile.

Cas took the phone and raised a brow.

"Wow, I didn't have that before." He said, a little impressed.

"Just in case you need me, you won't run out of minutes or anything like that. Probably safer this way, I figured." Dean explained as they made their way out of the store.

"Yeah, that's smart." he nodded. "Thanks for looking out for me." He said a little shyly.

Dean shrugged. "What I do best." he chuckled, sliding behind the wheel and cracking up the engine.

Cas got in shotgun and turned on his new phone as Dean pulled out of the parking lot. He would have to get used to his new number and also the newer technology. Cas practiced playing with they keyboard a little bit.

"You remember my number?" Dean asked as he drove, glancing over at Cas briefly.

"I do." Cas said a little proudly. He located his contacts and entered in Dean's digits. "I don't think I ever gave you mine." He noted.

"Nah. Here." Dean said, pulling out his new phone and handing it to Cas.

Cas took the phone and put his number into Dean's contacts, handing it back to Dean. Dean stuffed the phone into his pocket, and continued to drive for a little while. Cas noticed that they weren't heading back the way they came, but he didn't really question it. Dean pulled up in front of a large stadium. He smirked lightly over at Cas.

"What's this?" Cas glanced at Dean with an eyebrow raised.

Dean shrugged. "I dunno, I think we should go inside and check it out." Before Cas could reply, Dean put the car in park and hopped out. Cas followed.

"But why...?" Cas asked, clearly confused.

There were lots of people standing outside, and security guards were telling them to wait forty-five more minutes before it started. Before what started?

Dean laughed softly and took Cas's hand, leading him through the crowd. He flashed two VIP passes at one of the guards and the man gave a small smile and a nod, letting them both through. Dean led Cas through the stadium into a large, open space. There were thousands of empty seats around them, and in the middle of the stadium was a huge stage in the middle of the closed room.

Cas marveled at the sight. "Woah..." He held Dean's hand a little tighter without noticing.

"Got the impression that you don't like big crowds, and one of the band members is a good friend of mine... so I made some arrangements."

Just then, the band walked onto the stage. They quickly set up and the main singer stepped up to the microphone.

"This one is a special request by Dean for Castiel." he said softly, starting to sing the song Sirens by Pearl Jam.

Cas blushed. A special request from Dean for him. He glanced at Dean, clearly shocked as red flowed to his cheeks.

"What- I- I don't know what to say..." Cas stammered.

As the song began, Cas listened to every word. Every lyric. The words, he realized, meant so much to him. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and smiled down at him with quite a bit of emotion.

Cas gave a small smile and blushed a little more. He wrapped his arms around Dean's and set his head on Dean's chest, glancing at the band who continued to play the song. The song that way playing for him.

For both of them.

Dean started rocking a little with Cas to the music. He wished he could stay in this moment forever. It was beautiful. It felt like he and Cas were the only people in the world. Cas set his head on Dean's shoulder as he held onto him. He was shocked and so... happy. So serene. He didn't want to be anywhere else right now.

As the song neared it's end, Dean pulled away from Cas a little to look at him. He stared lovingly into the man's blue eyes. Dean bit his cheek, wanting to hesitate.

"I think I'm falling for you, Cas." He stated quietly.

Cas felt like his heart had stopped completely.

He looked back into Dean's eyes. The were shining brightly and they looked like a green field lit up by the sunrise. So much warmth and light behind those eyes. So much love. Cas wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't find any words to say how he felt, so instead of speaking, Cas simply moved in closer and pressed his lips against Dean's.

Dean's breath became caught in his throat and his eyes widened slightly. He definitely wasn't expecting that. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and a slight blush crept onto his cheeks as he melted into the kiss. He curled his fingers around the back of Cas's neck and pulled him impossibly closer. Dean hadn't ever kissed anyone like this. It wasn't in the name of sex or just from lust. It was passion and love, and it was beautiful. Kissing Cas felt so much better than Dean could have even imagined.

Cas felt weak in the knees. He gripped onto Dean tighter, fear of falling. Cas pulled back for air and looked up at Dean, a small smile creeping onto his lips as his cheeks grew warm.

"I think I'm falling for you, too."

A wide smile curved into Dean's lips and he wrapped his arms around Cas's waist, pulling him to his chest and hugging him tightly. "I'm so damn happy I was working the bar that night."

Dean knew there was something about Cas the moment he laid eyes on him. Something special. Something seemed to click for Dean. Honestly, that's why he let Cas stay with him in the first place. Dean would have never done that with anyone else.

Cas looked back up at Dean with a smile. "So am I." Dean had helped Cas escape a night of abuse, and likely years of future abuse. He was free with Dean. Something he hadn't been in a long time.

Cas reached up and touched Dean's cheek. He felt the slight stubble along his jawline and his fingertips grazed Dean's bruise. It looked much better now. The swelling was down completely and the color was almost back to normal. He traced his hand back down to Dean's chest and let it set there. The song finally came to an end and the band said their farewells before exiting to backstage and getting ready for the real show. Dean turned to Cas and gave a wider smile.

"I actually have one more thing planned." He admitted a little shyly.

"You mean... there's more?" Cas asked in surprise.

"Yeah. This way." Dean said, taking Cas's hand and leading him back down the hallway. They made their way up a large set of stairs and opened a door, taking them to the roof of the building. It overlooked the city.

"Thought this would be a good spot to watch the sunset." The view was beautiful, and Cas thought he couldn't even speak.

The sky was already turning lavender and there was a warm, orange glow behind the yellow sun as it grew slowly lower behind the citys-cape.

"Dean..." Cas breathed in awe. His grip on Dean's hand tightened again like it had earlier.

Dean gave a small smile as they sat at the edge of the building, their feet hanging over the side. He held Cas's hand as they looked out at the city. "Hope you enjoyed today as much as I did."

Cas set his head on Dean's shoulder and sighed through his nose. "I couldn't have imagined anything better." he replied, looking down from the sky and down at their tangled hands. He smiled. "Thank you."

They sat there as the sun sunk behind the buildings and saw as the moon crept into the sky. Stars began twinkling into view.

"You know any constellations?" Dean asked after a long, comfortable silence crept over them.

Cas continued to stare at the small balls of light.

"I know The Big Dipper." He said, pointing up at it before letting his hand fall back down. "That's about it." he admitted.

Dean pointed at a cluster of stars over to the left.

"See that one?" He asked. "Ursa Major." He then pointed to another cluster of stars close to The Big Dipper. "That one there's The Little Dipper."

"You're quite knowledgeable." Cas smiled softly.

"Used to go out late with my little brother Sam. We'd sit outside on the hood of my dad's car and watch stars, watch 'em for hours. We learned a lot of the constellations. Actually, Sam taught me most of 'em. He was a smart kid." Dean explained, softly smiling at the memory. He missed his younger brother.

"That's really nice. I don't have any siblings. Do you see him often?" Cas asked curiously, his thumb lightly running across the top of Dean's hand.

Dean's expression fell and he shook his head.

"No, I uh-... I got kicked out of the house when I was sixteen. I haven't seen Sam since then. He was twelve when I left..."

Cas's expression grew saddened and he squeezed Dean's hand.

"I'm so sorry." he apologized quietly. Cas didn't know what it was like to lose someone in that way. He never had anyone to lose.

"Happened a long time ago..." Ever since he was sixteen, Dean had lived on his own and earned his own living. He had roamed the streets for a few months before finding his job at the bar. Finally he had been able to afford to rent a run down apartment. A few years later he had managed to save up enough to buy the house he currently called home. It was nothing fancy, but at least it was a place to go back to. Dean's past was a low part of his life, and he would rather not talk much about it. At least not right now.

They both sat in comfortable silence for a while, continuing to look at the stars. Dean turned his head and pressed a kiss to Cas's temple.

"Ready to head back?" Dean asked softly.

Cas gave a light smile. "Yeah."

"Let's go." Dean replied, taking Cas's hand as he stood up, helping him to his feet.

They made their way down the stairs and out of the stadium, getting into the Impala and pulling back out on the dimly lit road.

Cas gazed out of the side window of the car.

He smiled.

Today had made him very happy. He was glad he was happy, he hadn't felt like this in a long time. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas's waist and pulled him against his side. He hummed softly to the radio music as he drove. Cas smiled more, a small blush creeping onto his cheeks, thankful that the dark hid it. He set his head on Dean's shoulder. Cas shut his eyes and listened to Dean humming, glad for feeling so secure right now.

They pulled in front of the house and got out, heading inside. Cas followed Dean into the house and shut the door behind them. He gave a small sigh.

Today was quite eventful.

"Now I get a belly rub." Dean smiled widely and went into the bedroom, slipping his shirt off and flopping down on the bed.

Cas couldn't help but chuckle at Dean.

He was shirtless on the bed and looked like a king awaiting his servant to feed him some grapes. Or... something like that.

Cas rolled his eyes and smiled as he made his way into the room and over to Dean, laying down next to him with his cheek pressed against Dean's chest. He gave Dean's belly a soft poke, his smile growing wider.

Dean blushed bright red and huffed.

"Hey, quit that." he muttered, trying to hide it a little with the blanket next to him.

Cas chuckled at him. "What? I like that it's so squishy." he said honestly. Cas moved the blanket that Dean had covered his stomach with and put his hand flat onto Deans abdomen. Cas rubbed in soft circles for a little bit before making smaller circles with his index finger around Dean's belly button, getting a small shiver from him.

"Hmm... feels good." he mumbled.

"Hmm?" Cas asked softly, using his whole hand again and rubbing circles into Dean's belly. Cas continued to rub circles, making his way up to Dean's chest and then back down.

It was strangely funny to see Dean like this. So vulnerable and adorable. He didn't expect Dean's tummy to be so squishy. Honestly, it was more attractive to him than any amount of rock-hard abs.

Dean made a small sound of pleasure, shivering again as Cas' hand ran over his chest.

This was the best belly rub he'd ever had.

Suddenly, small snores were escaping Dean's parted lips, his fingers twitching slightly as he dreamed. Cas's eyes widened, and he tried not to laugh. Instead, he slid in closer to Dean and continued to rub on Dean's belly, his motions growing slightly slower each passing minute. His hand rested on Dean's stomach as his heart-beat lulled Cas to sleep.

Dean's sleep was peaceful, right up until his happy dream began transforming into something bad. His brows furrowed and a small noise escaped the back of his throat.

Michael was breaking into the house and taking Cas from him. Somehow he'd found them and it was all Dean's fault.

Dean slightly stirred in the bed.

Cas's eyes fluttered open at feeling Dean move. He glanced up at him and saw his hardened expression. He looked distressed. Dean's head jerked as his breaths grew quicker.

Cas sat up a little and shook Dean's shoulder lightly. Dean's eyes quickly shot open. All he saw was a blur. He blinked away any tears, clearing his head.

"Cas...?" He asked quietly, voice broken.

"I'm right here." Cas replied, pulling Dean into him and embracing him.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him as tightly as he could, burying his face into Cas's shoulder. Dean hated crying in front of people. He hardly ever did. But he thought he lost Cas. It was so, so horrible.

A silent sob escaped Dean's lips as his shoulders started to shake. Cas ran his fingertips softly over Dean's back, making his way around the curves of Dean's shoulder blades. Cas felt terrible. Was this how Dean had felt when Cas had his melt-down the other night?

He kissed Dean's shoulder and put his nose in the crook of Dean's neck.

"I-I love you." Dean said in a pained whisper, warm tears spilling down his cheeks and onto Cas's shirt. He continued to cling to him, fear of letting go and watching him disappear. Cas kissed Dean's buried cheek.

"I love you more." he whispered back quietly. "I'm not going anywhere."

Dean nodded, hiccuping softly into the cloth of Cas's shirt. After a little while, his uneven breaths became shallow and slower. He felt his stinging eyes get heavier. It became almost impossible to keep them open. He weakly slumped against Cas, releasing a shuttered breath.

Cas continued to rub Dean's back until he calmed down. He gently laid back down into the mattress, taking Dean with him. He played with Dean's hair softly. Dean's eyes fluttered shut. Feeling Cas's hand run through his hair was putting him right at ease.

"I need you..." Dean said, barely above a whisper, falling back asleep.


	6. Washed Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two wake up in the same bed for the first time. Dean finds out that Cas has been hiding something from him. Quite literally.

The next morning, Dean's eyes cracked open and the first thing he felt was instant shame. He couldn't believe he'd been such a baby last night.

Cas must have thought he was an emotional wreck. That's not what he wanted.

He sighed softly and rolled over, gently wrapping his arms around Cas's waist and taking him as the little spoon. He pressed a few lazy kisses down the back of Cas's neck, smiling softly. Cas could feel the first kiss on his neck as it gently woke him. He groaned in annoyance, wanting nothing more than to sleep, but his groans soon turned into happy sighs.

"This is a very nice way to wake up." Cas muttered with his rough morning voice, smiling as his eyes remained shut.

"Didn't sound too happy about it." Dean chuckled, rubbing his nose against the back of Cas's neck.

He moved his hands to start massaging Cas's back, working out a knot between his shoulder blades. Cas let out a pleased sigh. Dean's hands must've belonged to a god.

"I'm not much of a morning person." Cas muttered. "But with hands like that I'm sure you'll turn me into one." He added.

"Hmm." Dean hummed as he glided his hands down Cas's back. He kneaded his fingertips into the small of his back, pressing into the tense muscles.

"You've got a lot of knots." Dean noted, his brows furrowing.

Cas didn't respond, but his expression dropped a little.

"Don't worry, I got it." Dean said, sliding his hands under the hem of Cas's shirt and letting them explore his back. Cas was very tense.

Cas let out a deep groan. It hurt a little. Occasionally Dean would hit a bruise but Cas brushed it off, hoping Dean wouldn't notice anything wrong.

"Am I hurting you?" Dean asked nervously.

He could feel Cas flinch every time he hit certain areas of his back. He'd never seen Cas shirtless before, and he was unaware of the bruises and scars that his beneath the soft fabric. Cas hesitated.

"It feels... fine." he replied. He liked the feeling of Dean's hands loosening his tight muscles. After so long of being tense and tight, this was somewhat relieving.

"Almost done." Dean said softly, moving his hands up to lightly squeeze Cas's shoulders.

He moved his thumbs in a circular motion, attempting to loosen them. As he did so, his thumb brushed across something. It was raised skin, something that resembled a scratch or a scar. He skated his fingertips down Cas's back, suddenly noticing more of them. All different sizes and shapes. His eyes slightly widened and his heart began to race quickly. Cas flinched a little as Dean's hands explored his back under his shirt. Dean had found them. The scars. The cuts. Michael had expertly placed them where they would be covered up by every day clothing. Cas cringed. What would Dean think of him now?

Dean's hands continued to explore Cas's body, his fingertips running over many scars. Eventually his hands had made their way around to Cas's chest where others were found. When he finally pulled his hands away from Cas's skin, they were shaking.

"Cas..."

Cas sat up in shame. He pulled his legs in and sat criss-cross on the mattress, facing away from Dean as he hugged his arms. He was so ashamed that he let this happen to himself. That he had let Michael hurt him so badly over and over again. He ducked his head before mustering up the courage to grip the hem of his shirt. He pulled it over his head.

His back was now completely bare.

Cas slouched as the shirt set in his lap. His back was decorated with purple and green. There were some large bruises and some smaller ones. Cuts and scrapes found their way around the toned muscles of his back. Some of them had scabs and others were simply scars. They all varied in size. He was beaten and bruised.

Literally.

He had never shown anyone this part of him. Hell, he hated seeing it himself. He was so ashamed. So saddened. But he knew he needed to embrace the horrible journey behind these marks that he owned in order to move on. He cocked his head to the side and glanced at Dean.

"These will forever be a part of me." Cas said quietly, turning away again.

Dean stared at Cas for a moment, at a loss for words.

Every inch of his unclothed torso had some type of wound, whether it be healed fully or not. And it was all Michael's fault. Michael had branded Cas. That dick had branded him with all of these bruises and cuts. How dare he? After a moment of fumbling for words, Dean finally knew what to say.

"You're beautiful." he said simply, inching close to him and hugging him from behind. He set his chin on Cas's shoulder and pressed his cheek against Cas's. "God, you're so beautiful."

Cas laid his arms ontop of Deans. Cas's closed eyes were beginning to fill with tears and he smiled weakly. Dean dipped his head down and started placing gentle kisses over each visible bump, bruise or scar on Cas's body. The kisses were physically and mentally pleasing to Cas. A reminder that Dean had helped his wound become scars. Dean was healing him.

Dean kissed his way back up and turned Cas's head to the side so he would face him, kissing him softly. Cas turned around to fully face Dean as the kiss deepened. Dean pulled Cas to him and gently laid him down on the bed. He didn't want to talk anymore. All he wanted was to feel Cas and be close to him. Dean craved the contact of their skin.

Cas kissed Dean back with passion. He loved how their lips fit together, almost seeming like they were made to be pressed onto each other. His hands made their way to Dean's back and shoulder blades, running them down to the curve of his spine as they continued to kiss. Dean tangled his hands in Cas's hair, humming in content against the other man's lips. He pulled away and started kissing down Cas's neck, stopping occasionally to gently graze his tongue over the skin there.

"Dean..." Cas let out a small moan at the sweet sensation. He ran his hands up Dean's back again and into Dean's hair. He tilted his head to the side as Dean made his way down it.

The sound of Cas moaning was enough to make Dean's pants uncomfortably tight. He moved to start unbuckling them, beginning to kiss and lick along Cas's chest as he did so. Cas let out a staggered breath. The feeling of air hitting the spots where Dean's tongue had met his skin was giving him chills. He pulled at Dean's hair a little and let his grip slack once more.

Dean licked a wet line down Cas's stomach as he started removing Cas' pants. Cas' head leaned back in another small moan. The warm and then cold feeling of Dean dragging his tongue down Cas's abdomen and the simple friction from Dean undoing his pants was making him crazy. Dean carefully removed Cas's pants and underwear, taking a moment to take the other man in.

The first thing Dean noticed was that Cas was big. Dean subconsciously licked his lips, staring down at Cas's length. He stared at Cas with his hungry eyes, beginning to stroke him before licking the head of Cas' cock. Cas took in a sharp breath followed by a short moan. Oh god. Dean was blowing him. It felt good. Cas blushed bright red. He had never been pleasured like this before. With Michael, sex was all about pleasing himself, not Cas. It was rough. One sided. And Cas had never wanted it.

But this was different, and it was strangely amazing to him.

Dean took the head of Cas' cock between his lips and sucked on it. He slid the head to the back of his mouth and pressed his tongue upwards, licking back and forth. Cas let out a louder moan. Dean was driving him nuts. He tangled his fingers into Dean's hair. Dean glanced up at Cas, smiling a little around his cock. He pulled away and sucked and kissed on Cas's head. Dean suddenly took Cas down his throat, pushing his nose into Cas's groin. He let out a small moan and the vibrations from his vocal chords floated along Cas's cock.

"Ah-" Cas moaned. He gasped as Dean continued doing that.

His fingers tightened around the strands of Dean's hair and his back arched a little. Cas was beginning to get a cold sweat. He'd never been pleasured before. Ever. It felt amazing. Dean started to suck and swallow, tightening his throat around Cas's cock. He slid his mouth up and down as he moaned again. He pressed harder, sucking Cas's cock harder and faster. Dean's cheeks caved in a little from the pressure. Cas let out a moan and he began feeling a heat grow inside of him. 

"D-Dean, I'm going to-"

Dean continued to suck as he looked up at Cas, stifling gags as Cas bucked himself deeper. Cas finally came. A long, loud moan escaped his lips. Dean locked eyes with Cas as he felt Cas's cum shoot hard against the back of his throat. Cas flushed bright red, bucking into Dean's mouth one last time as he climaxed. He felt his muscles go slack as he relaxed into the mattress, breathing heavily. Dean swallowed all of Cas. He made his way up to Cas and hovered over him, kissing him hard on the lips and allowing Cas to get a small taste of himself.

Cas hungrily ate at Dean's lips. He traced his tongue along the underside of Dean's upper lip, and he hummed against Dean's mouth. Dean pulled away after a long, passionate kiss and smiled. He went back down one more time and cleaned Cas's cock off with his tongue and lips, glancing up at him with a wide smirk. Cas blushed at him again.

"Dean." Cas breathed.

Dean finally pulled away and collapsed beside Cas on the mattress, lazily smiling at him.

"Hope that way okay." he breathed in reply.

Cas shook his head and let out a tired chuckle.

"That- That was amazing." Cas blushed, turning onto his side and snuggling close to Dean. "I'll need to pay you back." Cas breathed, pressing his nose to Dean's.

"A belly rub would be fine." Dean chuckled, pressing soft kisses all over Cas's face. He was perfectly happy just laying here with him. Dean felt he could do it all day if he wanted to.

Cas smiled. He felt so comfortable like this, laying next to Dean.

Dean yawned and snuggled into Cas's chest, humming in content.

"You're comfy." he murmured.

"That's not the first time you've told me that." Cas chuckled, tenderly running his fingertips up and down Dean's back.

Dean hated that he had to work tonight. He just wanted to spend the day with Cas like he had yesterday. It had been so perfect. But unfortunately, he was back to reality.

Dean sighed and relaxed under Cas's gentle touch. When he felt himself starting to fall back asleep, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

"If I don't get up now, I don't think I ever will." Dean admitted with a chuckle.

"That's alright. I'm pretty sure I need to shower anyway." Cas stated with a small smile, climbing out of the bed.

"Can I join?" Dean asked, a small smirk curving into his lips. The thought of showering with Cas seemed heavenly.

Cas glanced over at Dean and blushed a little.

"I suppose, if you really want to." He replied, making his way to the bathroom.

Dean instantly lit up with excitement. He got up from the bed and followed Cas into the bathroom, starting up the shower. Dean set the water on hot, but not too hot. Then he stepped under the spray of water, taking Cas with him and shutting the curtain. Cas watched as Dean let the hot water fall over his face and shoulders as he combed his hair back with his fingers. He looked so beautiful. Cas moved in closer to Dean and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, pressing their chests together. He could feel the water rolling off of Dean and falling down his chest. Cas sighed.

Dean let his head fall on Cas's shoulder. Droplets of water beat down against the back of his head and neck, dripping down over his closed eyes. Dean let his hands run across Cas's back, lightly brushing his fingertips along his spine. Being in the shower with Cas felt incredible It was so warm and safe in there with the hot water encompassing them. Cas made everything better. Cas breathed out a content sigh, putting his nose into the crook of Dean's neck and planting kisses along Dean's neck to his jawline.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean asked after a few beats of silence. His voice was small.

"Hm?" He asked Dean, pulling his face away from his neck and looking in his eyes. Cas saw shame.

"I- I'm-" Dean scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "I'm sorry about last night. Don't know what happened..." He muttered. Cas shook his head.

"You don't need to apologize for that." Cas stated, moving his hands up Dean's back and resting them on his shoulder blades.

Dean sighed and leaned against the touch.

"If it happens again, ignore me." he mumbled. Dean hated putting his own problems onto other people.

Cas put a hand in the side of Dean's face.

"I won't do that." he looked seriously at Dean. "Look at me." Dean leaned against Cas's hand, looking up at him with bright green eyes. "I had nightmares almost every night. Every single night. There was no one to comfort me or be there when they happened. I don't want that for you. I know how terrible it is to wake up in the middle of the night in fear. Nightmares can seem real sometimes, and I'll make sure I'm here with you if they happen to come again." Cas said softly, rubbing Dean's cheek with his thumb.

Dean's heart fluttered in his chest. Cas made him feel so much better all of the time. Just knowing that Cas understood how it felt and actually wanted to be there for him when things like that happened... It meant the world to Dean. He pulled Cas into a tight hug and pressed a kiss into the side of his neck.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean whispered quietly.

Cas smiled in Dean's embrace.

"I love you." Cas said softly.

"I love you, too."

Cas could feel some of the shower water pouring over his head and down his back. He loved the feeling of being so warm in Dean's arms as the steamy water fell over his body. Cas could stay here forever, as long as forever meant with Dean. Dean pulled away and ran his hands through Cas's wet hair. He reached down and grabbed the bottle of shampoo, squirting a little into his palm and massaging it into Cas's scalp. It felt good, and Cas wasn't going to complain about how silly this felt for him to be bathed. He shut his eyes in content.

"When you get old and wrinkly I'll be forced to bathe you. Get used to it." Dean teased with a small chuckle.

Cas laughed as his head was ducked down for Dean to lather his hair.

"Old and wrinkly? I thought you were eighty. Shouldn't I be bathing you instead?" Cas teased with a small smile.

Dean rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through Cas's hair, spiking it up to look like a mohawk. Dean broke out into a wide grin and began laughing loudly.

"I think I found your new look."

Cas laughed at him.

"Could I pass as a member of KISS?"

Dean barked another laugh, throwing his head back.

"Definitely. I'll paint your face white and buy you some black lipstick. You'll fit right in." Dean reached up and grabbed the shower head, tilting it so that the water was hitting Cas's head. The soap began rinsing out as his hair went flat again.

Cas rubbed the soap out of his hair completely. He felt better after getting clean. Cas grabbed the same shampoo Dean used on him and began scrubbing in gently into Dean's hair.

"Can't have you going to work all dirty, can we?" Cas asked, continuing to lather the soap until it was foaming.

"Guess not." Dean said with a small smile, pulling away and rinsing the soap out under the shower head. After he was rinsed, he leaned in and pecked Cas's cheek before turning off the water. "Ready for afternoon coffee?"

Cas smiled warmly.

"Yes." He replied, pulling open the shower curtain and grabbing a towel off of the rack, handing one to Dean.

Cas began drying himself off, his hair damp and crazy looking after rubbing the towel over it.

"You make it really hard to not mess with your hair." Dean observed as he dried himself off, seeing the damp mess on Cas's head.

Cas chuckled, wrapping his towel around his waist.

"It likes to do it's own thing." He grinned. Cas wiped off some of the steam from the bathroom mirror and looked at his hair. "Wow, it really is bad." Cas said to himself, running a hand through it and trying to tame it down some.

"You're killing me, Smalls." Dean muttered, grabbing the hair gel. He went over and stood behind Cas, squirting a little into his fingers before evenly distributing it into Cas's hair. Cas laughed and slouched a little as he let Dean style his hair for him.

"Thank you." Cas smiled in the mirror, watching how serious Dean's expression became as he molded Cas's hair.

Dean had finally finished. It wasn't perfect, but at least it looked a little better. Dean rinsed off his hands in the sink and smirked at Cas through the mirror.

"Thank me later." Dean said with a smirk, walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen to prepare some coffee.

Cas made his way out of the bathroom and found a pair of boxers, sliding them on. He walked over to the bag that had the clothes Dean bought for him. He picked out a regular tee and some jeans before putting them on. Lastly, he found his contact case, removing his contacts from his eyes and carefully putting them into it. He grabbed his glasses and cleaned them off before placing them on the bridge of his nose. Cas blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting. He made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Dean was. The smell of coffee hit him like a wall and he breathed in the scent happily.

Dean was standing by the kitchen table, setting down two mugs of coffee before taking a seat. He glanced up at Cas, his eyes slightly widening.

"Didn't know you wore glasses." Dean stated. "They make you look like a nerd. But a cute nerd, I mean." Dean said with a small smirk.

Cas blushed and rolled his eyes, taking a seat next to Dean.

"Not everyone can be so blessed with perfect vision." He replied. "Thank you for the coffee." Cas said, pulling the mug closer to himself before blowing on it.

Dean leaned against the table, resting his chin in his palm as he stared lovingly at Cas. The other man looked so good with his gelled hair, new clothes, and dorky glasses. Dean had never seen Cas look so good, and it was really hard not to stare at him. Cas took a sip of his coffee and glanced at Dean over the top of his mug, pulling it slightly down from his mouth.

"What...?" Cas asked shyly, blushing a little.

Dean shrugged.

"Nothing." He muttered. "You're just really attractive and it's fucking me up." He chuckled.

Cas's mouth curved into a smile and he blushed lightly.

"Sorry." He apologized with a laugh. Cas took another sip of his coffee and looked at Dean as he did so, smiling into his mug.

Dean took a sip of his black coffee and gave a small smile, his mind then drifting off to mentally plan his day out. He glanced at the clock and sighed. It was almost one o' clock. He'd have to leave soon.

"Hey, uh, I got a few errands to run before work." Dean said, looking over at Cas again. "Be back around nine tonight, though."

Cas sat down his mug and gave a small nod. He hated knowing that Dean would be leaving again, but Cas knew he needed to. He shouldn't be so selfish about not having Dean with him all the time. What was he, a child? No. He was a grown man. Cas needed to relax a little. But Dean noticed how Cas's expression suddenly changed. He reached across the table and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"If you want me to stay I can." Dean offered.

Cas looked up at him and shook his head.

"No, it's alright. I'll just miss you." He replied. "But I'll always miss you."

A small smiled grew into Dean's lips and he leaned in to give Cas a gentle kiss before pulling away.

"I'm gonna get ready." He said, standing up and heading into the bedroom. He rummaged through his dresser and looked for something to wear. Dean eventually settled on a plaid shirt and dark jeans.

He quickly went back into the kitchen after fixing his hair.

"I'll see you later. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Alright. Drive Safely." He said. "And try not to come back with another black eye." Cas joked with a small smile.

"Anything for you, Cas" Dean said, rolling his eyes a littlw ans making his way over to the front door. He gave Cas a small wave before shutting the door behind him.

Cas could hear the engine of the Impala roar as Dean pulled away from the house.

Dean was gone.


	7. The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean visits his therapist, Hillary. He goes to work for the day and something unexpected happens. Cas figures out why Dean has his been having nightmares.

After driving around for a while, Dean pulled up to a cozy-looking house. He came to this specific house once or twice a week. It wasn't necessarily that he enjoyed coming here, but more than anything he felt he needed to.

In all honesty, it was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.

He walked up to the front door an knocked. A few moments later, a slightly older woman opened the door and greeted Dean with a smile. Her long, blonde locks were in curls and they bounced over her shoulders. Her brown eyes glowed with a warm happiness.

"Ah, Dean! I'm glad you showed up today." She said enthusiastically, stepping aside to let him in.

Dean chuckled dryly and walked into the house.

"Yeah, things've been a little crazy lately. Sorry."

She brushed him off and rolled her eyes.

"You're fine, darling." She said simply, sitting Dean down on a small couch in the living area and sitting across from him. "How are you feeling?"

Dean shrugged.

"Been feeling a little better lately." He admitted.

"How about the nightmares?"

"Had one last night... but it wasn't about my dad. Other than that I haven't had any." Dean replied.

She smiled and scribbled some notes down onto a notepad.

"That's excellent! Any degree of improvement is wonderful."

Dean gave a small smile and a nod.

"I've gotten a little help."

"Good. Help is never a bad thing, Dean."

Dean shrugged and looked down into his lap. He wasn't exactly one to accept help or even look for help, but he was working on it.

The duo continued to talk about Dean's past and a few nightmares he'd had before the previous night's. They talked for hours until, finally, the session came to an end.

"I think we're done for today. Thank you for coming to see me, Dean." The woman smiled softly, her golden hair draping over her shoulder as her eyes shined with sincerity.

"Thanks for taking me in so last-minute." Dean said back with a small chuckle.

She smiled back in response and led him back to the front door.

"You'll come back in a few days I hope...?"

Dean nodded.

"Yeah. I'll see you."

"Wonderful. Take care!" Hillary warmly smiled.

Dean waved at her before getting back into the Impala and heading straight for work. He was running a little late because of his 'therapy session'.

 

* * *

 

Cas was lounging on the couch lazily, watching some sort of documentary on the History Channel about Big-Foot. He stared at the screen blankly. Unfortunately, there wasn't much on right now. And he wasn't in the mood for kitten-watching.

He flipped the television off and sighed. Cas got off of the couch and walked into Dean's bedroom. He laid down on the bed and pulled his phone off of the bedside table. Cas went to his messages and began typing.

'I hope everything is going okay. I miss you. <3'

Dean's phone buzzed right as he parked the Impala in front of the bar. He pulled it out of his back pocket and gave a wide smile when he saw it was from Cas. Dean continued to smile as he read the message and then sent his reply.

'everything is fine. miss you too. dont have too much fun without me.' he sent, getting out of the Impala and making his way into the bar.

'It will be a little hard to party all by myself. You don't need to worry. See you later.'

Dean glanced down at his phone and chuckled when he read Cas' text. He didn't reply back. Dean hopped over the bar and clocked in, grabbing a rag and beginning to clean a few glasses in preparation for the customers.

Cas set his phone back on the table and sighed.

He missed Dean terribly.

Cas rolled over onto Dean's side of the bed and buried his face into the pillow. He inhaled Dean's scent and hummed. The pillow smelled of laundry detergent and Dean's aftershave. This was as close to Dean as he could get right now. Cas rolled back over and stared up at the white ceiling., grabbing Dean's pillow and clutching it to his chest.

He knew Dean would be perfectly fine, but one fiber in Cas' being was making him worry.

 

* * *

 

The first few hours of Dean's shift were uneventful. It was the typical drunk guy who continued to attempt at ordering for vodka, which Dean of course declined. Maybe even a few dolls strolling in to order some shots and play a couple games of pool. But that was it. Dean yawned and leaned against the bar with his head in his hand.

He was bored out of his mind.

"Hey." a deep voice said over-top of him.

Dean stood upright and looked up at the man. He opened his mouth to respond, but then he recognized that face.

Michael.

Dean swallowed, trying to seem as casual as possible. In reality he was screaming on the inside.

"What can I get you?" Dean managed to ask.

Michael glared at him with his piercing green eyes and grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt.

"Don't play stupid. I saw you go into that concert yesterday with Castiel. Where the fuck is he? Where are you hiding him?" Michael said quietly with an intense tone of voice.

Dean's heart began beating frantically. "I don't know what the hell you're-"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Michael yelled, baring his teeth like a wolf. He took his free hand to the back of Dean's head and slammed it onto the bar.

Dean gave a pained grunt as the collision sent his nerves burning. The room was spinning around him. He slowly lifted his head and noticed blood was dripping from his nose and onto the counter. The bar went Dead silent, and everyone's eyes trailed over to the two of them.

"Listen to me, you pathetic dick." Dean said, voice a little broken now. He winced as a burning pain began flowing to his nose and forehead where it had met the counter a few moments before. "Cas is happy... you can't just-"

Michael slammed Dean's head against the bar for a second time.

Dean stumbled backwards, his back hitting the wall behind him and causing a few glasses to shatter at his feet. Dean slid down the wall and saw everything blurring and fade into black.

The manager quickly ran out and watched Michael take off out the front door, and he yelled. The manager would have rushed after him, but he noticed Dean unconscious behind the bar on the floor. The manager ran over to Dean and gently shook him, hitting his cheek in succession.

Nothing happened.

"Fuck!" he cursed quietly, pressing the alert button on the bar and silently contacting the police. Then he rummaged through Dean's pockets and found his phone, immediately calling the first person in his contacts.

Cas' eyes shot open as he heard his phone ring. He grabbed it and saw who was dialing him.

Dean?

His brows furrowed and he answered.

"Hello?"

'This is Dean's manager. Something happened and I need you down here as soon as possible.'

Cas' breath was caught in his throat, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Couldn't do anything at all.

"I- I'm on my way." Cas replied shakily, hanging up the phone and putting it into his pocket. Cas was terrified.

What could have happened?

He grabbed a few bucks off of the coffee table and rushed out the door. He caught a bus a few blocks down the street and found a seat. The anticipation of this ride felt like it would kill him. He wanted to be there right now. Cas cursed at himself for leaving his car at Michael's.

About twenty-five minutes later he arrived and got off of the bus in a rush, jogging about a block to make it to the bar. He could see a couple of police cars. Their blue and red stained the dark building and the streets around him.

Cas was panicking at this point.

He took off into a full-blown run, not caring how much his legs burned. When he got close, a cop held him back.

"I'm sorry, but you can't enter."

"What's happening?! Please, let me by- please-" Cas pleaded with a shaky voice.

The manager went to the front of the bar and motioned for Cas to cross past the cops.

"It's okay! I called him." The manager called.

The man glanced at the manager and then back at Cas before nodding, letting Cas pass. Cas followed in behind the manager. The bar was completely empty except for a few police and a medic team.

"He's alright, isn't he?!" Cas asked frantically.

The manager nodded, leading Cas through the bar.

"He got his pretty badly on the head. We think he's starting to come to." he explained as they walked behind the bar.

There were drops of blood on the counter where Dean's face was smashed into the wood. On the floor, propped up against the wall, was Dean. His eyes were closed, but a paramedic was talking to him. Dean's nose was covered in dry blood, and some of it stained his shirt. A silent scream caught itself in Cas' throat.

"Oh my god-" Cas breathed shakily.

How did this all happen? Everything was fine a few hours ago. Cas was thinking it might have been a bar fight that had gone too wrong, but he still wasn't sure. He made his way over to Dean and crouched down onto his knees beside the paramedic.

"May I try...?" Cas asked.

The paramedic sighed. "Good luck. I've been at it for the past twenty minutes." he muttered, moving aside a little.

Cas nodded and moved his eyes away from the paramedic. He cupped Dean's face tenderly and tilted his head some, talking to him softly.

"Dean- it's Cas... Can you open your eyes for me?" Cas cooed softly, sniffling a little and trying to keep back tears. "Open your eyes." Cas repeated a little more forcefully, running his thumb along Dean's stubble-covered cheek.

Dean's eyes fluttered open, just a crack. They moved around under his eyelids as he tried to clear his blurry vision. Cas looked like a big blob to him. Dean blinked a few times and groaned when a shot of pain made its way to his forehead and nose.

"Cas..." Dean mumbled, a little slurred. He strained to keep his eyes open. They felt very heavy.

The paramedic's eyes grew wide in disbelief.

"How in the world did you-..." he shrugged it off and moved to crouch in front of Dean. "Can you tell me the date, Dean?" The paramedic asked, shining a light across Dean's eyes.

Dean moved a hand to lightly touch his forehead in an attempt to relieve his pain.

"I- I don't know..." Dean muttered.

"What's your first and last name?" The paramedic asked him.

"Dean Winchester." Dean slightly slurred, straining to keep his squinted eyes open.

"Do you remember what happened to you?"

Dean slowly shook his head, not even sure where he was right now.

Cas's heart began beating faster and faster. How much did Dean remember? Cas continued to squat next to the medic as he continued to question Dean. Right now Cas was just hoping that Dean was alright.

Dean's eyes started to close again and the medic had to lightly shake him.

"Hey, you've gotta stay with me, okay? You don't want to risk going into a coma."

Dean gave a small nod, leaning against the wall from pure exhaustion.

"The best option at this point would be to get Dean home and allow him to rest up. If he remembers anything at all, he can contact the police right away." The medic said to the manager. The manager nodded and then turned to Cas.

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Yes, it's about twenty miles that way. I can take him home." Cas gestured.

But simply letting Dean go home worried Cas a little.

"Just make sure he stays awake for at least another hour and he should be fine. Give him these if the pain becomes unbearable. They might make him a little sleepy, too." The medic said, pulling some painkillers out of his duffle-bag.

"I'll give him a couple of weeks of of work if he needs it." the manager offered. Cas nodded gratefully.

"That would be great."

Dean could hear what was going on around him, but it sounded like he was under water. Everything was so muffled and all he could think about was how bad his head hurt and how much he wanted to sleep.

Cas stood up and looked down at Dean. He hated seeing Dean this way. Nose caked with blood. His bright green eyes seeming a shade or two darker. Crimson staining his shirt. Dean looked up at Cas, his head feeling ten times heavier along with his eyes. The medic helped Dean stand. Dean practically fell over, but Cas was able to help him regain some balance. Together, Cas and the paramedic helped Dean get to the car. Once he was in the passenger, Cas thanked the medic and proceeded around to the driver's seat, getting in. It felt strange sitting in this spot to say the least.

He retrieved Dean's keys out of the glove compartment and put the key into the ignition. Cas started up the engine and slowly pulled out of the parking lot, being very careful to not bring unnecessary harm to his precious cargo: Dean.

Dean glanced over at Cas, but it seemed more as if he was staring right through him.

"Where we going?" Dean asked, his voice small and very hoarse.

"Home." Cas replied softly, taking one of Dean's hands and holding it gently. He squeezed it occasionally in an attempt to keep Dean from falling asleep.

"M'head hurts." Dean mumbled, eyes drooping shut.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll give you something to help that once we get there." Cas replied, squeezing Dean's hand gently.

Dean's head fell forward slightly, but he fought off the drowsiness as best as he could.

"Sorry." Dean said, barely above a whisper.

"You don't need to apologize, you're fine." Cas said soothingly.

Cas swore to himself that he would make whoever did this to Dean pay a very large price. Dean didn't deserve this. Not after everything he had done for Cas.

Dean let his head fall on Cas' shoulder and he released a shuttered breath. His eyes shut again and he sighed, struggling to keep them open.

"I... I'm so tired, Cas. I can't..." Dean murmured, starting to nod off a little.

Cas glanced over at him with worry.

"Yes you can, Dean. Just keep your eyes open for me. Okay? Ten more minutes. Just ten more." Cas reassured, squeezing Dean's hand again.

Dean mumbled something incoherent and shifted in his seat. It felt like there were weights on his eyelids. He reached his hand forward and turned up the music, hoping it would keep him awake for a little longer. Cas continued to drive. He went over the speed-limit, trying to get Dean home as soon as possible.

"You know what happened to me?" Dean asked, opening his eyes slightly. "It hurts so bad." Dean hadn't noticed the dry blood on his nose yet, but his head was pounding.

"I'm not sure. They didn't have much detail on what really went down, but all I know is that your head was hit very hard. How much do you recall...?" Cas asked gently.

Dean narrowed his eyes and thought long and hard.

"I... remember leaving to go to work and texting you. I started cleaning the glasses and..." Dean struggled to remember what happened after that point. That's where everything blurred. "I... I don't..."

"That's alright. Don't strain yourself." Cas said, placing a soft kiss to Dean's temple. "We're almost home. Just a few more minutes." Cas added.

Dean sighed and nodded.

He wished he could remember more, but it just wasn't coming to him. He let his eyes close, but didn't let himself fall asleep.

"We're here." Cas said a few minutes later. He got out of the driver's seat and went around to the passenger side to help Dean get out of the car. He managed to get Dean onto his feet and help him enter the house.

Cas lead Dean to the bedroom and helped him sit down on the edge of the bed.

"I'll be right back." Cas said, leaving the room and returning soon after with a glass of water in hand. He grabbed the bottle of painkillers and popped one of them into his hand. "Take this. It should help."

Dean gave a weak nod and took the pill from Cas, placing it on his tongue and swallowing it down with the help of the water.

"Can I sleep?" He asked, looking up at Cas with hooded eyes.

"In about thirty minutes." Cas said softly, sitting down next to Dean and examining his injuries. "I'm going to clean you up a little." Cas said, getting up and walking to the bathroom to get a wet rag. He came back and found his place beside Dean, lightly beginning to wipe off the blood that had dried under his nose.

"What are you doing...?" Dean mumbled sleepily, grabbing Cas' wrist gently and pulling the towel away. He looked down to see the blood stained on it. His own blood.

Dean's eyes widened and his chest began to heave.

"Oh- god..." Dean stammered, flashbacks starting to flip through his mind. "N- No-" Tears began spilling down his freckled cheeks. He grabbed the rag from Cas' hand and threw it across the room, trying not to scream.

"Dean...?!" Cas asked. He tried soothing him, grabbing both of his hands gently and looking into his eyes. They were filled with pure fear. Something he'd never seen in Dean's eyes before.

"NO- NO!" Dean screamed, pushing away from Cas. "I won't do it again..." Dean whimpered, his entire body beginning to shake as he cowered away from Cas. "I'm sorry..."

"What are you talking about?" Cas asked, feeling frantic and confused. He tried grabbing Dean's hands again and pulled them to his chest, giving a gentle squeeze. "Dean, please try to calm down. You're scaring me." Cas pleaded gently.

Dean let out a blood curdling scream.

"LET ME GO!"

Cas stared at Dean, his eyes wide as tears began filling them. He was so confused and felt hurt for Dean. What was Dean seeing? He immediately let go of him.

"I'm sorry-" Cas apologized quietly, drawing himself away from Dean.

Dean curled up into the corner of the bed, shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm s- sorry..." He said, voice barely above a whisper. "Don't hit me..."

Cas' heart split in two. Dean thought someone was hitting him. Why?

Cas didn't dare ask what Dean was seeing. At least not right now. Instead, he looked over at the man he loved. The man curled up in a shaking ball just a few feet away from him. Cas's shoulders slumped.

"Dean...?" Cas asked softly, wondering if Dean could hear him right now.

Dean's body tensed up and his eyes darted around him.

"Cas..." He managed. "Help."

Cas immediately stood and sat close to Dean again, softly touching Dean's cheek. Dean flinched as if something had hit him.

"Can you see me?" Cas asked.

"No." Dean whispered, eyes staring wide off into the distance.

"Can you see anything at all...?" Cas asked again, rubbing Dean's cheek tenderly with his thumb and wiping the tear trails from his skin.

Dean shook his head. "Everything's dark." He whispered. "We gotta be quiet... He'll hear us."

Cas looked at Dean, his brows knitted together.

"Who will hear you?" Cas asked calmly, trying to piece everything together as best as he could.

"My dad." Dean whimpered, a few more tears slipping from his blood-shot eyes. "Cas..."

Cas laid next to Dean and pulled Dean into him, running a hand through Dean's hair and cooing him.

"I'm here, Dean. He can't get to you. He's gone." Cas shut his eyes and placed a kiss onto Dean's temple. "I'm right here."

The darkness slowly started to fade away as Dean's breaths evened out. His room came back into view and he focused on Cas' protective arms around him. He stayed quiet as he stared at the wall.

Cas spent a few minutes clutching protectively to Dean.

"Everythin' hurts..." Dean whispered again. He felt numb, unable to cry or smile.

It felt good being back with Cas', but he still felt nothing. So much had happened and he was drugged up on pain-meds. A part of him simply wanted to disappear.

Cas checked his watch. It had been well over thirty minutes since the arrived. Cas moved over in the bed to give Dean a little more room. "You can sleep now. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning."

Dean started violently shaking his head, small whimpers finding their way out of his throat. "I'm not... I'm not tired." He said, even though his eyes still were very difficult to keep open. Dean was extremely terrified to sleep.

Cas felt terrible. What had Dean's father done to him to cause all of this? "Come here." He cooed softly, opening his arms wide.

Dean scooted over and tightly hugged Cas's waist. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and rubbed his upper back soothingly. Dean buried his face into Cas' chest. He felt safer here, like nothing could get to him.

Cas let one of his hands run gently through Dean's hair. He began to sing very quietly. "I was only walking through your neighborhood."

Dean felt his eyes beginning to close, but he fought it off the best he could. No matter how hard Dean fought, sleep managed to take him. Dean's eyes drooped shut and his mouth fell slightly open. Small snores escaped his parted lips as he drifted deeper into sleep.

Cas continued to hum the tune as he played with Dean's hair. After about an hour of staying awake and making sure Dean was alright, Cas finally shut his eyes and let himself fall asleep.

The man he loved was clutched protectively to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Cas sang is called "Fire and the Flood" by Vance Joy. <3
> 
> Hope you all liked this chapter. Don't forget to kudos if you haven't already, and please comment! We'd love to hear your feedback.
> 
> <3 caprivana and mishas_minions


	8. Guilty Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is very sick. He finally remembers what happened at the bar the previous night. Both men learn more about each other's pasts, and each other in general. Cas asks Dean an important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! Thank you so much for being very patient with me. School has been complete hell but I've still been trying to continue writing so I can update this story as much as possible. As a reward for your undying patience, here's chapter eight! Don't forget to give Kudos and comment so we can make this story as good as we possibly can. <3 caprivana

Dean woke up around nine in the morning to a pounding headache.

His eyes cracked open for a brief moment, checking to make sure that Cas was still beside him. Just to be one hundred percent positive he wouldn't move away from him, Dean laid directly ontop of Cas. He buried his face into Cas' neck and then closed his eyes, quickly passing out again. For some reason he was having a hard time staying awake. Not that he really cared. Cas felt Dean move and it made him crack his eyes open. He exhaled as he felt Dean's face press into his neck.

Well, he wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

Cas wrapped his arm that wasn't already around Dean around his waist and shut his eyes again.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" Cas asked quietly, his morning voice gruff sounding.

"Tired." Dean mumbled with a small yawn. "And sick, but... mostly tired." His stomach was churning and he still felt a little shaken up from last night.

He wished he could remember what happened to him, but it was still all a blur.

Cas began rubbing Dean's back soothingly.

"Is there anything I can get you?" He asked, kissing Dean's cheek softly. Cas would do anything he could to make Dean feel better.

"Maybe water..." Dean admitted. "I feel like you've already done enough." He rolled off of Cas and sat up, leaning against the headboard of the bed.

Cas sat up after Dean rolled off of him.

"That's nonsense." Cas stated, kissing Dean's temple and getting out of bed to fetch him a glass of water. He came back a couple of minutes later with that and another painkiller. "You can take another one of these. I'm not sure how bad your head is right now." Cas said, sitting back down next to Dean on the bed.

Dean took the glass of water from Cas and took a sip, instantly spitting it back up. His stomach was so weak that he could barely hold it down. He leaned over the side of the bed and let out a wet cough, the contents of his stomach spilling onto the floor. Cas' eyes widened and he grabbed Dean's shoulder so he wouldn't fall over the side of the bed.

"Oh my god-" Cas said in surprise. He stood and made his way to the other side of the bed to examine the situation. It looked like most of the throw-up was liquid and there wasn't too much of it, so it would be easy to clean up off of the wooden floor. "I'll be right back." Cas said, going to get a towel to soak up the vomit.

He returned to the room shortly later and crouched down, carefully setting the towel over the mess. Dean thickly swallowed and slumped back against the headboard.

"Fuck-" he breathed. "What the hell happened last night?" He was so disoriented and confused. Dean just wanted to remember.

To remember anything.

Cas stood up and sat on the edge of the bed next to Dean.

"All I know is your head was hit badly." Cas said to Dean, rubbing the back of his neck and giving a small sigh.

Dean nodded.

"I'll try to remember..." He rubbed his temple in thought.

Cas placed a hand on Dean's knee.

"If you can't remember then worry about it later. You need to rest right now. I'm sure you've got a concussion and that's why you became so nauseous." Cas replied.

Dean scooted over and laid his head on Cas' shoulder.

"Can we watch TV?" He asked softly.

Dean felt like he'd been hit by a truck and didn't want to think anymore, just cuddle up with Cas. Cas smiled softly and kissed the top of Dean's head.

"Of course. Just let me finish cleaning this up." He replied, standing from the bed again and retrieving the towel, wiping up anything that was left. He threw the towel into the washing machine and then cleaned up the wood floor with paper towels and some cleaner spray. When Cas had finished doing that, he washed his hands in the bathroom, soon returning to the bedroom and sitting next to Dean. Cas grabbed the remote and turned the television on. "Is there anything you want to watch?" He asked as he flipped through the channels.

"Game Of Thrones." Dean stated, yawning softly and nuzzling Cas' cheek.

Cas flipped and flipped until he found the right channel. Sure enough, it was on. Cas set the remote down and set his cheek on the top of Dean's head. He reached over and grabbed one of Dean's hands, tangling their fingers together. He gave a small sigh. This had been one crazy week and it hadn't even been over yet. Dean softly smiled as he watched his favorite show, rubbing small circles into the back of Cas' hand.

There was still so much that Dean needed to tell Cas, like his past. It was slowly beginning to reveal itself even though Dean had been trying to keep it away from him. Dean would at least want to fill Cas in before he found out about it the hard way. He would try to wait for the right time, though. Dean yawned and closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep. As Dean fell asleep, Cas continued to watch the show. He was thoroughly confused, considering he hadn't watched it from the beginning, but it seemed like he might enjoy the show if he actually knew what the hell was going on.

As Dean slept, memories from the previous night played out in his dream. He remembered going into the bar and cleaning out the glasses. He dealt with a few drunkies who bothered him, asking for more alcohol. Then... another man walked in. Dean glanced up at him, trying to figure out who he was. He squinted and strained his eyes to focus. It came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks.

Michael. It was Michael.

Dean's jaw fell open and he went to yell, but Michael grabbed the back of his head.

SLAM.

Dean jerked awake, eyes wide and gasping. He remembered everything.

Cas' head shot on Dean's direction.

"...Bad dream?" Cas asked him, heart beating fast from being startled.

Dean knew Michael was the one who hurt him, and he remembered that Michael knew Dean had Cas with him. The thing was, Dean wasn't sure if he should tell Cas about it... it might only scare Cas even more

"Sort of... I just- I, uh... remember stuff."

Cas raised his brows.

"What?" He asked cautiously, his attention completely diverted from the television screen at this point.

"Uh..." Dean took a deep breath and conjured up a quick lie. "Some drunk dude came up to me and asked for the money in the cash register. I- I didn't give it to him and... he slammed my head into the bar."

"Oh my god." Cas breathed quietly. He sat there for a few moments. For some reason, he felt like Dean was hiding something, but he'd rather not push too much on the subject. "That _dick_." Cas said angrily. Dean sighed.

"Wish I could go back to work, but I'm banned for like two weeks." He huffed and laid down.

Cas gave a small chuckle.

"Banned isn't really the right word. Think of it as free vacation." He said, snuggling down next to him. "Plus, that means we can see each other more. That's always a good thing, right?" Cas smiled, taking Dean's hand in his own again.

Dean sighed and squeezed Cas' hand.

"I feel useless..." Dean muttered. "Let some asshole beat me up. I could have defended myself."

Cas didn't say anything at first, because it sounded like he had heard himself talking. All Cas ever let happen to him was get beaten up. Mowed over by other people, including people he loved. Cas set his head on Dean's shoulder.

"You're not useless. You did what you had to. If you had fought back then you could have lost your job." Cas stated. He knew how much Dean's job meant to him.

He wrapped an arm over Dean's stomach and laid his head on Dean's chest with a small sigh.

Dean felt bad about keeping things from Cas, especially something that strongly had to deal with him... but Dean desperately didn't want to worry Cas. At least there was something else he could be honest about.

"I ever tell you why I live on my own or why I need my job so badly?" Dean asked somewhat hesitantly.

"I don't think so." Cas replied softly, looking up at Dean.

"My dad wasn't the nicest guy." Dean admitted with a dry chuckle. "Did one wrong thing and I'd get punched right in the nose. The worst it got was when I brought a guy home. I thought my dad wasn't there, but he came into my room and caught us makin' out. He beat my boyfriend and kicked him out, then beat me after that. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. I finally stood up to him. He didn't like that, obviously. Kicked me out of the house when I was sixteen. I was homeless for a few months. Eventually I found the bar and they hired me. Probably out of sympathy... Been working there ever since. If it weren't for that job, I'd still be out on the streets."

Cas listened intently to every word, and he felt his heart sinking. He felt terrible for Dean.

"I know this might sound a little negative, but I'm glad all of that happened." Cas replied, hugging Dean a little tighter. "If you hadn't been working the bar that night..."

"I know... me, too." Dean ran a gentle hand through Cas' hair and sighed. "For what it's worth, I'm perfectly happy here with you and our fucked up lives." He chuckled, not much heart behind it.

"They are pretty fucked up, aren't they?" Cas asked rhetorically. "I guess you haven't really heard much about my past either. Except for Michael."

Dean shook his head and looked down at Cas curiously.

"No, I haven't."

Cas cleared his throat a little before speaking.

"Well... I lived with my father throughout my childhood and teenage years. I never got the chance to know my mother. Despite living with the man I hardly ever saw him around. He was always working. Even if that seems a little cruel, he always made sure I was taken care of even if he wasn't there. I had a nanny who cared for me while he was gone. Her name was Hannah. I grew up with her as my parental figure, but once I hit my teenage years I was left practically alone every day. I had very few friends in school. I was just... alone." Cas said, his tone dropping. "Once I moved off to college, that's when I began to make more friends. That's also when I decided to start dating. I was just so sick of being by myself. After I graduated I gave up on trying to find someone. I spent years doing nothing with my life. Then my friends tried hooking me up on blind dates, and that's when Michael came into the picture. He was so kind when we first met. We went on a few more dates and continued talking. About a year later we were officially together. After that, everything began to go downhill..." Cas finished. It actually made him feel somewhat relieved to talk about this. He never had before.

"Michael's a dick." he muttered. "Your friends really should have looked into who they were setting you up with."

"None of them knew..." Cas explained. "He just snapped one day. Out of the blue. He just... wasn't himself anymore."

Dean moved to wrap a protective arm around Cas' waist, rubbing his back and kissing his cheek.

"Well I've got you now. He's not going to hurt you. Have to get through me, first." That was the truth, Michael had already gone through him once.

Cas' chest grew in warmth. He truly loved Dean with all he had. He hugged Dean softly with the arm that was slung over Dean's stomach.

"Wish we could do something together, but I'm stuck in bed until I heal up."

"It might suck, but it's for the best. You were blacked out for a good twenty minutes at the bar. The paramedic let me try and wake you, and you finally came to, thankfully. I was worried..." Cas stated, barely above a whisper.

"Good thing I have you around then, huh?" He laughed dryly, trying to lighten the mood a bit. He lightly touched Cas' cheek and turned his head up to face him. "I'm okay, Cas."

"I know." Cas replied quietly, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. "Do you think a belly rub would make you feel better?" Cas asked, a small smile creeping onto his lips. Dean nodded eagerly.

"Yes." He said quickly, then clearing his throat. "I mean, yeah... it might." he muttered shyly.

Cas chuckled. He sat up a little to allow Dean to remove his shirt before setting his head back on Dean's chest. Cas planted his hand above Dean's belly button and began making slow, vertical motions with his hand across the skin. Dean purred in content, nuzzling his face into Cas' hair.

"Mmm..." Dean hummed.

Getting his belly rubbed was his favorite thing. He never understood why. Cas continued to rub up and down and then began making circles around Dean's belly button. He eventually traced his finger down the middle of Dean's chest all the way down to his navel. Cas drew small circles around Dean's bare skin. He felt very relaxed doing this. "You give the best belly rubs." Dean stated. He looked down at Cas, a lazy smile curving his lips. "You have something like that? A guilty pleasure?"

"Um... well, kind of. My neck and back. I don't really know how to describe it. There was this one guy I dated who started kissing me on my neck and back and I just kind of- I don't know?"

Dean smiled widely and quickly sat up, rolling Cas onto his stomach. He grabbed the other man's shirt and rolled it all the way up to reveal his back and neck. Dean straddled Cas' hips and started kissing down the back of his neck.

"Oh, Dean-" Cas blushed like crazy, feeling like he was falling apart. He hummed into the pillow his face was now pressed against and shut his eyes in bliss.

As Dean kissed down Cas' back he started scraping his teeth against the soft skin. He sucked flecks of scarlet into the flesh, his tongue trailing slowly as he did so. Cas gave a shuttered breath. These tender caresses and love marks were so much better than what he had been used to. Dean moved his hands to massage Cas' hips. He purred, licking a patch of red skin he'd caused to soothe it. Dean kissed his way back up to Cas' neck, pressing his soft lips against the skin.

Cas hummed into the pillow again, his words muffled by the cushion. Dean's head and stomach were starting to bother him from being in a downward position for so long, so he was forced to pull away. He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and laid directly on top of him, his face buried into Cas' neck.

Cas turned his head so the side of his face was pressed into the pillow. He smiled softly and sighed in content.

Today had definitely proven to be a lazy day, and Dean felt it was exactly what they both needed. He skated his fingertips along Cas' side and yawned, closing his eyes.

"Are you feeling okay?" Cas asked.

"Not really... I feel kind of sick again." Dean admitted.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could help."

"I don't think I ate or drank enough to actually be sick." Dean mused with a small sigh.

This situation really sucked. Dean was supposed to meet with Hillary tomorrow, but now he wasn't sure if he'd be able to. He was running low on anxiety pills, which he couldn't even take in his current condition. The one thing he wanted to do now more than ever was to find Michael and beat the living crap out of him for hurting Cas and now for fucking up his life, too. The guy was truly awful. Cas sighed lightly and put his face into the pillow, giving a low, muffled groan.

"Can I ask you something?" Cas asked, putting the side of his face onto the pillow again. His glasses were squished sideways from the pillow mashing into them. A small smile curved Dean's lips when he noticed how crooked Cas' glasses were. He chuckled and gave a small nod.

"Anything."

He gave a small pause in hesitation.

"I know we've never officially clarified anything yet..."

Dean's brows furrowed in curiosity and somewhat confusion.

"What am I to you, Dean...?"


	9. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas' relationship is finally going a step further. Cas learns about critical information that Dean had kept hidden from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!!!! :)
> 
> A new chapter update, how exciting! This chapter is quite short, but I'm hoping for the next one to be longer to make up the difference.
> 
> I want to apologize for these chapters coming in so slow... I have a whole week after Christmas with absolutely nothing to do, so I can't wait to work on this story some more. Next chapter is chapter 10! I have to say, this is the furthest I've ever gotten to completing a chapter-story. 
> 
> I'm glad you all like this story so much! It took a lot of work collaborating with mishas_minions in order to get this story to be as great as I hope it will eventually be.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and undying support.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> <3 caprivana

Dean thought about what Cas asked him.

"You're someone I love a lot." He replied, realizing he'd never asked Cas if they were in a formal relationship. "I'd love to put a name on it." He took Cas' hands and gave them a small squeeze. "Be my boyfriend, Cas."

Cas' heart skipped a beat.

"Gladly." Cas smiled, squeezing Dean's hands back and touching their noses together.

The biggest smile Dean had possibly ever worn curved his lips. He could hardly contain his excitement, despite the fact that they were technically dating before this. Dean leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Cas' lips.

Cas leaned into Dean's lips and pulled away, putting his nose into the crook of Dean's neck and kissing the skin there. He made his way up to Dean's shoulder and planted more kisses. Dean sighed happily and leaned against each one. He hated to admit that he was beginning to feel queasy, but he wasn't going to pull away. Michael wasn't going to ruin this happy moment like he had ruined everything else. Dean was determined to fight off any uneasiness he felt. Cas continued to plant little, gentle kisses back along Dean's shoulder and up Dean's neck to his ear. He kissed along Dean's jawline and then once more on his lips before giving the other side the same sort of attention..

"Hmm... that feels so nice." Dean mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut as he craned his neck to the side. Cas hummed against Dean's skin.

He kissed along Dean's jaw and down his neck and also along his shoulder like he did the other side. Cas pulled away from Dean's shoulder and kissed him on the mouth once more. After pulling away from the kiss, he looked into Dean's beautiful green eyes and smiled at him. They looked completely different than they had last night. His eyes had a glint of light behind them like they had the night both of them met for the first time. Dean softly smiled.

"Could we go sit on the couch?" He asked. It wasn't that different from being in bed, but he was tired of laying around.

"Of course." Cas replied, getting off of the bed and holding out a hand to help Dean get up.

He wasn't sure how stable Dean's walking was, and after last night, there was no such thing as being too cautious. Despite not wanting help, Dean wasn't stupid. He reached out and took Cas' hand, slowly standing on his feet. The second he was upright everything started to spin. Dea groaned and slumped against Cas, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Cas held Dean securely, hoping the wave would subside. He continued to hold Dean's hand and put his free hand on Dean's back for support.

Dean clung to Cas, praying that the dizziness would fade away. He was doing fairly well as they shuffled into the lving room, but he made the mistake of opening his eyes.

"I think I'm gonna-" Vomit rose in the back of Dean's throat and he started to panic a little. There was no way he'd be able to run to the bathroom, he'd surely fall.

Cas' eyes darted around the room. Thankfully, sitting next to the wall was a small trash can. Cas walked Dean quickly over to it. Dean fell to his knees in front of it and hugged it against his chest. At first, nothing was coming out but the second he opened his mouth to speak he gagged and threw up bile into the bin. Cas rubbed Dean's back as he crouched down next to him. He felt terrible for Dean. Being sick wasn't fun, expecially when it involved throwing up.

"We should take this to the couch." Cas suggested.

Dean spat into the bin, hoping to get releif from the awful taste in his mouth. He nodded in agreement, just wanting to lay down. On the bright side, he was starting to feel a little less dizzy. Cas helped Dean get up as Dean continued to hold onto the trash can. They finally made it to the couch and Cas helped Dean sit.

"I'll get you some water to wash that bile down. I know it must taste terrible."

Dean let his head fall against the rim of the bin, shivering slightly. He gave another small nod, looking over at Cas with watery eyes. He felt so disgusting. Dean couldn't wait until he got better so he could teach Michael a damn lesson. Cas smiled briefly before going to the kitchen to fetch Dean a glass of water. He came back a moment later with a glass and a couple of painkillers. Cas sat down next to Dean on the couch.

"I'm not sure how bad your head feels at the moment, but this will help." Cas offered.

Dean was willing to try anything at this point. He took the painkiller and placed it on his tongue, grabbing the water and and swallowing it. He didn't feel the need to vomit it back up so that was proabably a good sign.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean said, voice hoarse.

He finally set the bin on the floor and laid down on his back, head resting on Cas' lap. Cas began playing with Dean's hair a little, using his free hand to grab the remote and turn on the television.

The pain pills were already starting to kick in and Dean felt instant releif, any pounding in his head beginning to slowly dull out. The pills were much stronger than any ordinary painkillers and they made Dean feel a little loopy, but they were definitely working. Dean watched TV for a little while as the side-effects of the pills were kicking in. Cas continued to run his hand through Dean's hair. Cas' favorite show was on, Too Cute. There were puppies in this episode. One pup in the litter kept messing around with the other ones, playing with them and biting their ears. Cas laughed.

It reminded him of Dean.

"You laugh nice." Dean mumbled, starting to giggle. "I wish I could buy you a billion kittens. You deserve all the kittens." He started sniffling, eyes filling with tears. "Sorry I can't get you all the kittens."

Cas looked down at Dean and stifled another laugh. Dean was being so silly and emotional on these pills.

"I don't need all of the kittens. I don't even need one kitten." Cas said sweetly to Dean, rubbing the man's cheek with his thumb.

Dean looked up at Cas, chin quivering.

"You don't?" He asked, voice small. Dean pawed at his cheeks and wiped the tear residue on Cas' sleeve. Cas chuckled.

"No, I don't." Cas grabbed Dean's hand and placed a soft kiss to his knuckles. "I have you." He smiled down at Dean.

A huge smile curved into Dean's lips and he took his hand away so he could cup Cas' face. He pinched Cas' cheeks and giggled.

"The cutest cutie. M'little cutie patootie."

Cas blushed and laughed. He let Dean pinch and play with his face and he grinned down at him, unable to hide his amusement.

"Am I?"

Dean nodded proudly and pulled Cas' face down so he could spread messy kisses all over it. He made loud 'muah' sounds as he pressed his lips against any visible skin. Cas continued to giggle at Dean's actions.

"You are more than high right now." Cas laughed, not bothering to pull away. He liked the cute and goofy affection. It was the cutest thing Cas had ever seen.

Dean threw his head back in a fit of giggles.

"What you talkin' about?! I'm, like, 5% sober!"

Cas laughed again.

"Sure, and 95% high." He teased, running his hand through Dean's hair.

Dean sighed and nuzzled into Cas' hand. He wrapped his arms around Cas' arm and hugged it to his chest.

"Thank Michael for that." Dean mumbled.

"What do you mean...?"

Dean huffed and rolled his eyes, turning his head to press a kiss into Cas' palm.

"He slammed my head against the counter, makin' me all crazy 'n stuff."

Cas froze.

"What?..." Cas stared at the wall behind the TV, expression blank. Tears began filling Cas' wide, blue eyes. "Michael..." he whispered, looking down at Dean slowly. "Wh-Why didn't- why-" Cas jerked his hand away and buried his face into his hands.

Cas was so full of anger and hatred. Part of him hated that Dean had kept this from him, but he hated Michael much more for doing what he did to Dean.

"Oh my god, Dean-" Cas breathed into his tear-soaked palms.

Dean gasped quietly and sat up, leaning over to try and peek under Cas' hands. He wrapped his arms around Cas and rubbed his back. "Don't cry, baby. It's okay."

Cas cried harder, his sobs coming out at broken cries. Even though Dean would most likely remember nothing he had told Cas, he let himself go limp and cried. Michael had done this to Dean. He had hurt Dean, which had in turn hurt Cas. He'd hurt and broken the only thing Cas had ever learned to truly love. Cas clutched to Dean and continued to cry.

Dean wasn't sure why Cas was crying, but he tried his best to help. He pulled away after a moment and saw the tears on Cas' cheeks. Dean used his thumbs to brush away the tears. Cas plastered on a fake smile and hugged Dean.

"Thank you for the hug." He said, voice calm and monotone.

"You fixed now?"

Cas sighed. "Yes, Dean. I'm fixed." He replied, giving Dean a small, tear-streaked smile. Cas shut his eyes and let his head fall onto the back of the couch.

Dean sat there for a moment, staring at Cas like a confused little puppy. He hesitantly scooted over and laid his head on Cas' chest, wrapping an arm around his waist. Cas opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. His eyes were still wet with tears and they were red from crying, but his expression had turned from sad to simply cold. He was so mad. Mad at the world, mad at Michael. Cas found Dean's hand and held it with his free one.

Cas just sat there.

What was he supposed to do with this information? He would be completely stupid to go search for Michael while Michael was the one searching for them. After a little while of laying there, Dean nodded off. The drugs finally knocked him out. He was still cuddling close to Cas with his head on the other man's chest as small snores fell from his lips. Cas heard Dean's snores and glanced down at him.

A brief smile found its way onto his lips, but his expression dropped shortly after. He ran a soft hand through Dean's hair.

Cas wasn't sure if he should mention this situation to Dean once the painkillers wore off or if he should just keep it to himself. He decided that it would be best to wait until the time was right to confront Dean about it.

Right now, Cas didn't want to think about anything.


	10. Unfixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finds out that he's dug himself into a hole, and he has no choice but to confess to Dean the information that he had mistakenly been given. Dean has an interesting therapy session. Dean comes up with the idea of going to the beach, but Cas yields to mention something very significant to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Here's chapter 10!!!
> 
> I'm sorry for the long wait, but I hope you like this chapter alright.  
> Don't forget to comment your review of the chapter and give some kudos!  
> Please feel free to share this story with your friends, also. :)
> 
> Enjoy! <3 caprivana

Dean slept all afternoon. He woke up around 6PM, feeling much better than earlier. He couldn't remember the last time he slept so much in one day. Dean's eyes fluttered open and he yawned, stretching out his arms as he sat up. He glanced at Cas and smiled softly. Cas looked away from the TV and down at Dean. He smiled back.

"How are you feeling?" Cas asked him, running a gentle hand through the man's hair.

"A lot better than this morning." Dean replied, voice thick with sleep. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. "I'm starving. We should go out to eat."

Cas froze up a bit.

"...Go out? Are you sure?" Cas was a bit on edge. He knew Michael was still out there looking for him, and now looking for Dean. Of course Cas knew that the both of them couldn't stay locked up forever, but it still made him uneasy thinking about going outside. "I could always make you something." Cas offered. Dean shook his head.

"Nah, I've been inside all day. I really wanna go for a drive."

Normally Dean would just drive ther himself, but it probably wasn't the best idea since the drugs hadn't completely worn off yet. He was still a little dizzy ontop of that. Cas smiled down at him again.

"Alright. Where do you want to eat?"

"Any place that sells burgers." Dean replied, stomach growling at the thought of cheeseburger with bacon packed between the buns. Cas laughed.

"You think you can hold down a cheeseburger?" He asked honestly.

Dean shrugged.

"Don't know, but I'm sure as hell gonna try." He pushed the blanket off of his lap and sat up, nearly tripping over the garbage bin he forgot he had placed there. He stumbled over it and huffed in annoyance, kicking it aside. "I'm gonna brush my teeth. Be right back." Dean said, going into the bathrom and grabbing his toothbrush and some toothpaste. He knew his breath must've smelled like vomit and he wasn't going out like that.

Cas took this time alone to think. Think hard.

He ran his hands through his hair and swiped them down his face in stress. Cas really needed to clear his head. He hated that they were going to go out, simply because of the fact that they had a high chance of running into Michael. This was a small city after all. Dean stepped out of the bathroom just in time to find Cas pacing the room, a hand tangled in his hair.

"Babe?" Dean asked from the bathroom door. "You okay? Something wrong?"

Cas glanced over at Dean, brows raised slightly.

"Oh, everything's fine. I'm just- um... looking for my shoes." He stated softly, walking by Dean and making his way into the bedroom to search for them.

Dean sighed and followed behind Cas, standing in the doorway. Dean knew for a fact that Cas' shoes were by the front door. Either Cas was so stressed about something that he completely forgot where he placed them, or this was some stupid excuse.

"You sure about that?" Dean asked after a few beats of silence. "Seem a little off."

Cas continued to rummage around the room.

"I guess I'm just a little tired." He said plainly. "I didn't sleep very well last night." Cas added, rubbing the back of his neck and turning around. He looked past Dean through the doorway and saw his shoes set neatly by the front door. "Oh, there they are." Cas mumbled to himself, brushing past Dean.

"Cas..." Dean turned and followed him. He was moving a bit faster than normal, so Dean took longer strides to catch up to him. "What's going on? Seriously, I know something's buggin' you."

Cas stopped and sighed, eyes watering a little. Dean caught up and walked around Cas so he could face him. He took Cas' hands and gave them a small squeeze. Cas looked up at him, his eyes brimmed with tears. Dean bit his lip.

"Oh, baby..." Dean lightly touched Cas' cheek. "Talk to me."

Cas blinked back his tears.

"You just- you told me something when you were on the painkillers and I- I'm just really confused."

"What did I say...?"

Cas hesiated a little.

"You... you told me that the person who slammed you face into the bar was Michael, but that doesn't make any sense because before that you had told me it was some drunk who wanted money- I- I just-" Tears were beginning to fill his eyes again and he couldn't fight them off this time. He began speaking quicker as a panic attack overcame him. "If it was really Michael that did this to you then that means he knows about you helping me and he knows that I'm with you and I have no idea what he'll do if he finds you again and-"

  
"Cas, stop-"

"- I don't want you to be hurt again because of me because I'm not worth-"

"Cas." Dean said sternly, pulling Cas into his arms tightly. "Calm down and breathe, okay? The only place he knows where to find me is the bar, which I won't be going back to any time soon." Dean sighed softly and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. "I should have told you right away, I know... but this is exactly why I didn't."

Cas clutched to Dean as tears fell down his cheeks. His quick breaths staggered until they returned to normal. He buried his face into Dean's shirt.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was muffled by the cloth.

"It's okay." Dean said simply, still holding Cas close. When Dean thought that Cas had calmed down enough, he led him back into the bedroom. Dean drew the covers back and helped Cas into bed. "Tell you what. I'm gonna go out and get some food, and you're going to sleep, okay?"

"Dean, that doesn't seem very safe..." Cas said, eyes red and a little puffy and cheeks sticky from crying.

"I'll just go through drivethru and come straight back. You need to sleep." Dean wasn't about to take no as an answer. Cas was clearly extremely stressed out and tired. He needed to rest, especially after taking care of him all day. Cas gave Dean a nervous glance.

"Alright..." He said, fear sparkling in his baby blue eyes. Dean bent down and pressed a kiss to the center of Cas' forehead.

"Want me to bring you back anything?" He asked softly.

"I'm not hungry..." Cas replied quietly.

Dean could read Cas like a damn book.

"Close your eyes." Dean ordered. "I'm not leaving until you fall asleep."

Cas sighed and shut his eyes like Dean had told him. He tried to push away any nervous thoughts but was finding it terribly hard. Cas tried to think of things he and Dean had done together. The concert, stargazing, a morning shower... but in the back of his mind, he continued to replay that scene from last night. The police lights, he blood on the counter, Dean's nose dripping crimson and his green eyes full of darkness. Somehow, however, Cas found himself drifting off. Dean waited until he was sure Cas was in a deep sleep before pulling away. He pecked Cas' cheek and made his way out of the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

He felt terrible for Cas. Dean never meant for this to happen, but he would try his best to keep Cas calm about it. He grabbed his car keys and headed out the door. The sun had just finished setting by the time he slid behind the wheel. Dean smiled softly to himself. It was nice to be back in the driver's seat. He cracked up the engine and pulled out onto the open road.

Dean arrived back home about half an hour later with a bag from Burger King. He quietly made his wat inside and tossed the keys on the kitchen counter before going into the bedroom. Thankfully, Cas was still sound asleep. Dean sat down on his side of the bed and set the bag down on his lap, reaching in as quietly as he could and pulling out his burger. He mentally scolded himself every time the wrapper or bag crinkled under his fingers. Cas moved a little in his sleep. The wrapped noise didn't fully wake him, but it did disturb his sleep a little. He made a soft hum and rolled onto his side facing Dean. His brows furrowed a little before he relaxed again. Dean softly smiled and ran a gentle hand through Cas' hair, using his other hand to shove the burger into his mouth. He almost moaned in content. He was starving and the burger tasted fucking amazing.

Dean continued stuffing his face until he had eaten the entire thing. He tossed the bag and wrapped aside and slid down next to Cas. Cas squeezed his eyes before fluttering them open. His vision was a little blurry but his eyes finally adjusted. All he was looking at was a pool of green.

"You made it back okay?" Cas asked quietly, his voice a little hoarse.

"Mhm. Still in one piece." Dean smiled softly and continued running a hand through Cas hair.

"Good." Cas muttered, still very drowsy.

He shut his eyes again. Cas liked it when Dean combed through his hair with his fingers. It seemed to keep him calm. Cas did his best to not think about Michael or anything related to him. He just wanted Dean and wanted sleep, and he already had one of those two things. Dean moved to take Cas as the little spoon, wrapping his arms protectively around his waist. He buried his face into the top of Cas' back and closed his eyes, releasing a warm puff of air against Cas' skin. Cas sighed softly through his nose. Dean was home, and Cas would be able to sleep so much easier. Cas was so tired. He hadn't realized how much he had done in the past day. Cas finally fell into a deep sleep.

Dean pressed a soft kiss to Cas' neck before slowly drifting to sleep. It took him a while because he had slept a lot during the day, but his head was still hurting him. Dean managed to also fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

Cas awoke the next morning to Dean's face mere millimeters away from his. He smiled a little and closed the space between them, touching his nose to Dean's as he snuggled even more to him. Dean's eyes fluttered open and he blinked a few times. Cas slowly came into focus. He was so close, and Dean could feel his breath on his lips.

"What're you doing?" Dean mumbled, squinting at Cas. He lifted his head and buried his face into his pillow, closing his eyes once more. Cas yawned a little.

"It's called cuddling." Cas said, morning voice gruff. He snuggled up to Dean again.

"Isn't it too early?" Dean muttered, voice muffled by the pillow. He yawned and finally turned his head to bury it in Cas' hair.

"Probably." Cas muttered, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Okay... I take it back. It's never too early for cuddling." Dean wasn't much of a morning person, and he knew Cas wasn't either. But he had to admit... he liked cuddles. Dean moved and laid ontop of Cas, nuzzling his face into the man's neck.

Cas groaned a little at the sudden weight on him, but he sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean's torso.

"Aw, so you do like me after all." Cas mumbled, chuckling softly.

"You're a dork." Dean muttered, rolling his eyes and burying his face closer to Cas' neck. He tangled his legs with Cas' and sighed.

"If we're not going to sleep, I'm gonna need some coffee." Dean murmered, eyes still closed. "You want some?" Dean smirked a little.

"Yes, please." He smiled, lifting himself up a little to peek over Dean's shoulder. He pecked him on the cheek lightly.

Dean pushed himself up and yawned, stretching his arms. He rolled out of bed and padded into the kitchen, starting to prepare some coffee. While waiting for the water to boil, he opened up the small cabinet and kept his medications in. Since he was starting to feel better, he figured he could take a couple of his anxiety pills. Dean grabbed the contained and shook it, but there weren't any more pills in the bottle. Dean cursed under his breath and tossed it in the trash.

Cas slowly crawled out of bed with a small yawn. He entered the kitchen and rubbed his eyes. Cas made his way to the other side of Dean, taking a couple of slices of bread out of the loaf and sticking them into the toaster. A minute later they popped out and he grabbed the slices, immediately taking a huge bite out of it.

"Want some?" He asked Dean with a mouthful of toast, offering him the piece.

Dean chuckled.

"Don't you think that would taste better with butter or somethin'?"

"It's food and I'm hungry. It tastes alright to me." Cas shrugged, taking a smaller bite of the toast and licking some of the crumbs off of his lips.

Dean smirked softly, curling his fingers around the back of Cas' neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Cas' eyes widened.

Dean captured Cas' bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before licking the rest of the crumbs off with his tongue. He sucked on Cas' lip before pulling off with a soft 'pop'. When Dean pulled away, Cas was flushing brightly. He went back in for a little more kissing before pulling away.

"You wanted some after all." Cas smiled.

"It tasted like you. Couldn't resist." Dean chuckled with a grin. He turned away so he could pour the coffee into two mugs, one with creamer and sugar for Cas and the other black for himself. Cas gladly took his mug.

"Thank you." He smiled, pecking Dean on the cheek and walking into the living room. He turned the TV on to Game Of Thrones for Dean and sat down with his mug. Dean came in a few moments later, sipping on the steaming hot coffee. When he noticed what the TV was playing, he smiled widely.

"You know me so well." He chuckled, sitting down next to Cas.

"I couldn't forget your favorite show." Cas said, leaning on Dean a little as he held his mug of coffee, blowing into it to cool it off before taking a small sip. He could feel the liquid warming his body as it traveled over his palette and down his throat.

There was a commerical playing of a family frolicking in the warm sand, giggling and simply being happy. Dean wanted that, especially with everything that had been going on lately.

"We should go to the beach." Dean blurted, moving the mug up to take a small sip from it. "I've always wanted to."

Cas' stomach churned. The beach.

He didn't fancy the ocean, or any body of water for that matter. Cas didn't swim. He had many fears as a child about deep, dark water, waves crashing down on him and knocking the breath out of his lungs. Salt burning his eyes as he was pulled under the tide.

"If you want." Cas said attempting to seem interested. He tried to hide any weariness in his voice.

"Awesome! I just have to run a few errands and then I'll come back to get you." Dean typically referred to his therapy sessions as "errands" because he had no intention of telling Cas or anyone else for that matter that he actually needed them. It was damn embarassing, let alone taking pills to keep him from flipping out all of the time.

"Alright." Cas replied, continuing to look at the television screen as commercials flashed their way past.

"You got a bathing suit?" Dean questioned.

"Hm?"

"A bathing suit. You got one?"

"Oh, no. I don't swim much." Cas confessed.

Dean nodded in understanding and set his mug down on the coffee table.

"I'll pick one up for you on my way back." He went over and grabbed his keys off of the counter. "Be back soon. Will you be alright on your own for a while?"

"I think I can manage." Cas replied with a soft smile. "Drive safely." He added.

"Anything for you, Cas." Dean said, smirking and walking over to the door. "See you in a bit." He stated, leaving the house and taking off in his Impala.

Cas hated it when Dean was gone. It always gave him anxiety thinking about the fact that the damn cops in this town couldn't find one man who had almost killed someone. Cas sighed and continued to watch TV.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean arrived at Hillary's house. She greeted him as per usual before he went inside and sat down on the couch. Dean was getting sick and tired of therapy. It wasted at least an hour out of three days of his week, and it didn't seem to be helping him at all. It was always the same. "It'll get better." "I see that you're improving." "Baby steps." "It takes time." What his dad did to him as a child would always mess with his head. Nothing could fix him, and he'd accepted that. One thing that Hillary had that he actually needed, however, were his anxiety pills.

"So, Dean... how have the nightmare's been lately?" Hillary asked him, grabbing her notepad off of the side of her chair.

"Haven't had any." Dean muttered. "But... something new happened."

"Oh?" She peeked up from her notepad and raised a brow. "Would you like to share?"

"I hallucinated." He said vaugely. "My face got knocked up and when I saw the blood I kind of lost it." Dean sighed, burying his face in his hands. "I'm never getting better..."

Hillary bit the inside of her cheek. It was seeming as if Dean's progress was suddenly beginning to take a step backward. She reached out and lightly touched his shoulder.

"It'll be alright, Dean. Sometimes you can get lost on your way to recovery. I could give you a higher dose of medication and you can come in four times a week-"

"No! I'm sick of this." Dean blurted, quickly standing up. "We've been at this for years and I'm still fucked up!"

"You're frustrated. I understand-"

"I"m done, Hillary. I've had enough." Dean grabbed his things and quickly headed for the door.

"Dean, please." Hillary pleaded, following after him. "We can fix this."

He froze and turned around to face her.

"You can't fix me! Nothing can fix me. Just leave me the fuck alone." He spat, storming out of the house and getting into his car, speeding back home.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas had fallen asleep watching a documentary about World War II. His empty coffee mug hung loosely in his hand and his head was leaning sideways over the back of the couch. He squeezed his eyes tightly and opened them with a small yawn, glancing around him to find any sign of Dean's return. Dean was still gone. He got up tiredly from the couch and made his way into the kitchen, putting his mug into the sink. Suddenly, the door flew open and Dean stormed inside. He realized he had forgotten to pick up a bathing suit for Cas.

"Fuck!" Dean cursed, turning back around and slamming the door behind him.

Cas jumped and his eyes widened. He quickly jogged from the kitchen and opened the door, following Dean down the small sidewalk.

"Dean?" Cas called as he tried to catch up to him. Dean didn't turn around. "Is everything okay?"

"Peachy." Dean growled, continuing to walk toward the Impala.

Cas continued to follow him, grabbing his shoulder and trying to stop him.

"Dean-"

"Dammit Cas, leave it alone, okay?!" Dean stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He had no idea why he was so fed up with everything. "Sorry." Dean apologized, releasing a shuttered sigh.

Cas reached down and squeezed Dean's hands gently.

"It's alright..." Cas said softly. "You just really startled me. I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you."

Dean went quiet, replaying the words over and over again in his head.

"I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you."

Suddenly, tears began forming in his eyes and he had to strain himself from letting them fall. Cas noticed that Dean's eyes became glossy.

"Oh, Dean. Was it something I said?" Cas asked, pulling Dean into a soft embrace.

Dean shook his head.

"It's not you." Dean said, voice barely a whisper. He wrapped his arms around Cas and held him close, squeezing his eyes shut tigtly and burying his face into Cas' shoulder.

Cas wondered what could have possibly set Dean off to act in such a way. He hugged Dean a little tighter and rubbed his back as they embraced.

"Whatever it is... just know that you can talk to me. If and when you feel it's best."

"Thanks, Cas." Dean said, voice barely above a whisper. "Can we still go to the beach?" He asked.

"Of course, Dean." Cas smiled, pulling away and squeezing one of Dean's hands.

"I forgot to get you a bathing suit so you can borrow one of mine." Dean sighed, returning the small squeeze and walking back toward the house. Cas followed behind him.

"Alright." He replied, walking into the house and shutting the door behind them. "I can pack the snacks and drinks if you can pack everything else." Cas offered.

"Sounds good." Dean replied, heading to the bedroom to find a bathing suit for Cas.

Cas headed into the kitchen and packed a cooler full of sandwiches and fruit, as well as a few beers. Dean managed to find a bathing suit that would most likely fit Cas, and he packed it away with his own as well as some towels and some sunscreen. Dean went into the kitchen to find Cas.

"Got 'em." he said happily.

"Great." Cas chuckled, zipping up the cooler and slinging it over his shoulder. "All done." He noted.

"Perfect, you're amazing." Dean replied, pecking Cas on the cheek. Cas chuckled again and blushed.

"I'm very glad someone thinks so."

"Shut up. Lots of people think you're amazing and perfect in every way." Dean pulled away with a smile and grabbed the beach bag. "Let's go."

Cas followed behind Dean and they left the house. Cas would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous about going to the beach. Not only the water... but now the realization that he would have to remove his shirt in a public place. There were many bruises on his chest and back that still hadn't healed fully, and his torso was decorated with scars. Cas was always self concious about his body and, well, everything really. But now that level had suddenly risen. But... he wanted to do this for Dean. Dean really seemed like he wanted to go to the beach, and Cas thought that Dean deserved some relaxation and happiness. Cas would be more than happy to give that to him.

Dean helped Cas get into the car and then put thier things into the back seat. He got in behind the wheel and cracked up the engine, pulling out onto the road. Dean took one of his hands off of the wheel to enterlace his fingers with Cas' It was quite a long ways to the beach.

Cas smiled over at Dean softly and then looked down at their hands.

Maybe this would all be alright, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will include "Cas and Dean beach time." :)


	11. Angel Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean head out for a day at the beach. Some unexpected things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! Here's chapter 11. I tried to make it pretty long, and hopefully the rest of the chapters in this story will be similar in length. Please let me know if you would like the chapters longer or shorter! Keep in mind that the longer the chapters are, the longer it will take to get them posted. But I could definitely shorten them if that's what y'all wanted. Please comment what you prefer!
> 
> Thank you for your patience, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Happy reading! :)
> 
> <3 caprivana

"How long has it been since you've been to the beach?" Cas asked curiously.

"Since I got kicked out of the house." Dean muttered, reaching to fiddle with the dial on the radio. "How about you?"

Cas shrugged.

"I've... never been." He stated simply. Cas felt like this conversation might end up trickling down to him having to admit the embarrassing fact that he couldn't swim, and he definitely didn't want that.

"Why not?" Dean questioned, glancing over at Cas with a raised brow.

"I never really had anyone to take me when I was younger. I guess as I grew older I didn't have the urge to go." Cas explained. "It wasn't like I really had anyone I could go with anyway." He hardly ever hung with his friends. And going to the beach with Michael had never even been a thought. Dean nodded.

"Don't worry. I'll make your first time amazing." Dean winked with a small smile. Cas blushed and chuckled.

"You're unbelievable." He replied, rolling his eyes and looking out the side window of the Impala. His expression dropped briefly. Cas was still worried. Dean moved a hand to rub Cas' thigh, noticing his slight change of mood.

"Hey, you okay...?" Dean asked softly, glancing at him with a tint of worry.

Cas shook his head.

"Yes, I'm alright." Cas said, putting his hand on top of Dean's and glancing at him. "It's not important." Cas didn't want to ruin this beach date by telling Dean he didn't know how to swim. How sad would that sound? As if Dean didn't think he was pathetic enough already. Dean deserved to enjoy himself today, and Cas wasn't about to take this away from him.

"You sure?" Dean asked. He didn't want to pry, but it was obvious that something was bugging Cas. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know, and I'm sure." Cas replied. He squeezed Dean's hand that was on his thigh and laid his head on Dean's shoulder. He wouldn't tell Dean unless he really had to. Cas didn't want to be a party-pooper. Dean sighed and nodded.

"Okay." He muttered, returning his attention to the road once more. If Cas wasn't going to spill any beans, the least he could do was help him relax.

Dean rubbed small circles into Cas' thigh, humming softly as he drove. Suddenly Cas' fears were seemingly melting away. He shut his eyes, hoping he might be able to wash away any tiredness. Dean glanced down at Cas and softly smiled. Cas was asleep. Dean kept his hand on Cas' thigh for the rest of the drive. About an hour later, Dean finally pulled up at the beach. He parked the car and took a minute to stare out at the ocean and sand. Seeing the beauty of the shore made him calm and serene. It didn't seem like there were many people there today, which Dean was somewhat happy about. Dean turned to look at Cas and he couldn't help but chuckle. Cas was out like a light, drooling a little on Dean's shirt. Dean pressed a gentle kiss to the center of his forehead.

"We're here." He stated softly.

Cas' eyes fluttered open and squinted for a moment before he rubbed them. He sat up and noticed the wet feeling of drool at the corner of his mouth. Cas wiped it off a little curiously and then noticed the dark spot on the shoulder of Dean's shirt.

"Did I...? I'm sorry." Cas chuckled.

Dean shrugged.

"It's fine. Won't be needing it anyway." Dean pulled the tee over his head and tossed it in the back seat. "Another reason to love the beach." He smirked, getting out of the car and walking behind it to the trunk to take out the things they had brought with them.

Cas got out as well and followed him. He helped Dean unload the trunk.

"Do you know a good spot?" Cas asked.

"Nope," Dean admitted. "but we'll find one." He slammed the trunk shut and led Cas down the path towards the beach. There weren't many people there, so lots of places were available for the taking. "Hey, that looks good." Dean said, pointing to an area right by a grassy hill. It had shade, but it was still on the warm sand and near to the ocean.

"It looks nice." Cas agreed with a small smile, following behind him toward the spot. They set their things down and Cas pulled out a couple of beach towels. He laid them out neatly on the sand. Cas rummaged around in the bag again and pulled out their swim trunks. "Is there... a place to change?"

Dean casually glanced around the area and shrugged, undoing his pants and pulling them down. Cas blushed brightly and darted his eyes around to see if anyone had noticed.

"Dean?!"

Dean grabbed his swimsuit from Cas and pulled it on, sitting down on one of the towels like nothing had even happened.

"You're insane." Cas mused, trying not to laugh.

"What? It's not like anyone saw me."

"Well I sure as hell am not doing that." Cas stated, glancing around once more to search for some kind of cover. However, it was the beach, and there obviously wasn't any.

Dean got up and grabbed an extra towel from the bag, unfolding it and holding it over Cas' lower half like a curtain.

"Better?" Dean asked earnestly.

"Yes. Thank you." Cas said. He glanced around one last time, his cheeks flushed red, before letting his jeans drop to the sand. Cas quickly pulled on the swim trunks and let out a small breath of relief. Dean let the towel down and chuckled, pecking Cas' cheek.

"How cute." Dean muttered with a cheeky grin, "You bein' all shy like that." He tossed the towel back into the bag and laid down on the one that had been laid across the sand. Cas pouted and sat down on his own towel next to Dean's, his legs making a triangle as he wrapped his arms loosely around them.

"I don't want random strangers seeing me in my underwear."

"It ain't so bad. Nobody's even around." Dean stated, grabbing a pair of sunglasses out of the bag and putting them on. He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the towel, loving the feeling of the sun on his back.

Cas let himself fall onto his back.

"I'll save walking around in my underwear for my boyfriend." Cas smiled softly.

"Yeah?... Good." Dean mumbled, a smile tugging his lips. He felt so at ease at the beach. He would definitely live here if he could. "Hey, Cas?" Dean said, turning his head and pushing up his sunglasses so he could look at him. Cas turned and glanced at Dean, his eyes squinting slightly from the sun.

"Hmm?"

"If you rub some sunscreen on my back I'll do whatever you want tonight." Dean smirked. Cas chuckled.

"That seems a little unfair. How am I supposed to say no to an offer like that?" Cas sat up and crawled a little on his knees, grabbing the bottle of sunscreen out of the bag before swinging a leg over Dean and straddling him from behind.

Cas squirted some sunscreen onto his palm and tossed the bottle aside. He began working the cream into Dean's shoulders and made his way slowly down his back.

"Oh my god..." Dean practically moaned from the sensation. "I swear, you have the hands of an angel." No matter where Cas touched Dean, it always felt amazing. He pulled his sunglasses back down onto his face and let himself relax on the towel under him.

Cas smiled softly and continued to work the cream into Dean's back. He used his thumbs to massage down Dean's spine and lower back before returning to his shoulder blades. Nearing the end of the massage, Cas rubbed gentle circles, making sure the cream was evenly distributed.

"I believe your back is officially protected." Cas said, leaning down and enveloping himself with Dean for a moment. He kissed the back of Dean's neck sweetly, savoring the summer scent that the sunscreen gave off from his back before pulling away and sitting on his towel once more.

"I'll definitely give you something extra good tonight for that." Dean purred, shooting Cas a wink.

"I'll hold you to that." Cas chuckled, shutting his eyes as the sun's rays beat down on his slightly-fair skin. He wiped off a little sweat from his brow, but thankfully it was windy. The heat definitely wasn't unbearable.

He sat up for a moment to grab the lunchbox that he and Dean had brought, pulling out some of the grapes he'd packed away for a snack. He popped one into his mouth as he looked out at the waves, gulls screeching over the crisp pop that sounded as he bit the fruit. Dean smiled over at Cas. He was starting to feel a bit hungry himself, but he'd wait until he at least got a bit tanned before moving. After lying down for a few more minutes Dean felt his eyelids grow heavy and finally drop shut.

A little less than five minutes of being asleep, a terrible nightmare flashed before him. He jumped and suddenly sat up, deeply startled. This had never happened to Dean before. He hoped it wasn't because of his lack of therapy or his anxiety pills.

Cas noticed Dean's abrupt movement and figured it must have been a bad dream. He had come to learn that nightmares weren't very uncommon for Dean, or hinself. Cas offered Dean a few grapes out of his open hand and smiled softly. Dean glanced over at Cas and smiled back. He took a grape out of Cas' palm, hand shaking from the visions he had recently just witnessed, and popped the flavorful fruit into his mouth gratefully. Cas moved closer to Dean and ended up having half of his behind on the sand. He reached for Dean's hand and calmed the shaking with his own. Cas gently set his head on Dean's shoulder.

"It's okay." Cas said simply, looking out at the ocean in front of them.

"I know."

Dean turned his head and pressed a kiss to the crown of Cas' head, softly breathing in the scent of his hair. Dean was still tired, but he was horrified to close his eyes again. Maybe he could distract himself.

"Wanna go for a swim?" Dean asked. Maybe the cold water would wake him up and help him relax.

Cas hesitated.

"Uh... yeah, I guess." He was beyond anxious about getting into the water.

Swimming in a pool or a lake was bad enough, but the ocean was filled with all sorts of dangerous things. The loud crashes of the waves were seeming to become less calming to Cas, and he tried to ignore the goosebumps that were forming along his arms.

"Awesome." Dean said, springing to his feet and grabbing Cas' wrist gently, dragging him to the shore.

Dean was being very antsy and above all else he just wanted to get into the water. Cas became more nervous as they approached. Dean only let go of Cas when he felt water hit his toes. He sighed in relief and waded in the water, waiting for Cas to join him. Cas looked down at his feet as the salty liquid ran over his toes and sunk into the sand. He glanced out at Dean who was slowly going out further into the waves. Cas wanted nothing more than to be with him, so he tried going in a little. He stopped and hesitated again once the water reached his calves.

'Come on, it's just water, dammit.' Cas mentally cursed to himself.

"Come swim with me, babe!" Dean chuckled, beckoning Cas with his hand.

"I- I can't." Cas admitted, hugging one of his arms in embarrassment. Dean's brows furrowed, and then it finally registered. His eyes widened.

"You can't... swim...?"

Cas shook his head, his face growing slightly red in a blush. He felt so pathetic. Dean stared at Cas blankly for a few seconds before he began laughing, throwing his head back and holding his stomach. Cas' cheeks grew redder.

"It isn't funny!" He pouted, looking back down at his calves that were consumed by the water below him.

Dean continued to laugh, quickly making his way over to Cas and wrapping his arms protectively around Cas' waist.

"You're right. M'sorry." Dean apologized sincerely with a soft smile. "Here. C'mere." He said, lifting Cas up a little and taking him back out in the water with him. Cas' eyes widened in surprise as he was pulled into the water.

"Dean-" Cas whined, a nervous chuckle escaping him. He actually hated to admit that he felt okay in the water. However, that was only because Dean was holding onto him.

"I can teach you." Dean said, pulling him along the sand until their chins were barely above the water. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean and clung to him like a koala bear, raising his head higher above the surface. "Cas-"

"It's too deep!" Cas defended, glancing around them to make sure they weren't being circled by any sharks. He had seen Jaws, and being out here was just asking for some fishy business.

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"You're never going to learn unless you let go." Dean replied. "I'm here. Nothing bad is gonna happen, okay?" He tilted his head up and kissed Cas gently on the cheek.

"I don't know, Dean." Cas said, a tinge of fear hidden behind his voice.

"You're gonna be fine."

"What if I drown trying to prevent myself from drowning? What if I get bitten by a shark and I lose my left arm?! What if-"

"Cas! Baby, you're gonna be okay. I promise." Dean chuckled, gripping Cas tighter as reassurance. He slowly began to let his grip off of Cas, and Cas responded by wrapping himself around Dean even tighter. Dean sighed. "C'mon. You're a grown ass man." Dean chuckled.

"Alright, alright... I'll let go." Cas replied with a whine, loosening his grip until he was floating by himself. The salt in the water was definitely helping with his buoyancy.

"You're doing perfect." Dean praised, smiling at him softly. Cas continued to float, his arms waving out on either side of him to help him stay above the surface.

"This makes me nervous." Cas admitted.

"You're doing just fine. Here, try swimming towards me." Dean said, walking back about ten feet before planting himself on the sand again.

Cas gave Dean an anxious glance and began moving himself toward Dean through the water. About half way over, Cas felt something brush against his leg.

"Um, Dean?" Cas asked. His ankle was tangle in something now. He couldn't tell what. Cas kicked his right leg violently, trying to shake the thing off. However, it wasn't budging. Moving only seemed to make it tangle up tighter. "Dean-" Cas said a little more frantically. He tried to reach down and pull whatever was on him off, but he couldn't get to it without putting his head under the water, and there was no way in hell Cas was doing that. "Dean, I think I'm stuck-" Cas said, his words coming out quickly.

He tried to reach down again, but had no success. What was this stuff? It almost felt like hair. Oh god, please don't let there be a dead body down there.

Dean quickly swam over and dove under the water, reaching out for Cas' ankle in an attempt to free him. Whatever was attached wasn't seeming to move. Dean resurfaced.

"Fuck." He breathed, spitting out a little bit of the salt water. "I'm gonna see if I can tear it off." Dean stated, taking a deep breath before going back under.

Cas tried his best to stay calm and not move his right leg as Dean attempted to untangle his ankle. Dean cursed to himself. It was seaweed, he was almost sure of it. Of course Cas of all people would manage to get himself tangled in some damn seaweed. Dean was beginning to get light-headed from the lack of oxygen, and he resurfaced once more. "It's really on there." Dean explained, sputtering slightly.

Cas ended up doing something so gutsy that he surprised even himself. He took a large breath and ducked under the surf. Dean's eyes widened and he felt useless and anxious as he waited for Cas' head to come back up. After what seemed like years, Cas came back to the surface and gasped for air, coughing up salt water. He had managed to free himself. Dean let out a sigh of relief and pulled Cas into his arms, swimming back to the shore as quickly as he could. He collapsed on the sand and brought Cas down with him. Dean was certain he'd never been so grateful in his life.

Cas felt limp on top of Dean. His legs were sore and his lungs were on fire. He breathed heavily as salt dripped into his eyes from the wet strands of hair that were splayed across his forehead. Cas put his face into Dean's neck, looking for comfort.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean said, slightly whimpering. He wrapped his arms tightly around Cas and pressed a kiss to his salty temple, the ocean water lapping at their toes as they laid on the sand. "I should've never made you swim out that far. I'm an idiot."

Cas shook his head.

"It's not your fault." He replied, taking another deep breath. "I have a wonderful case of bad luck." He chuckled lightly, kissing Dean on the side of his neck. His skin was sticky and tasted like salt, but Cas didn't care.

Dean sighed and continued to hold Cas close.

"I'm never letting you near water ever again."

"Does that mean I can't take a shower...?" Cas mused with a small smile. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Only if I'm there with you." Dean said, turning and kissing Cas on the cheek, which made Cas giggle.

They laid there like that for a while, enjoying the closeness and conversation as they watched the sun begin to set.

"We should probably head back." Dean said a little sadly. "Minus the near-death-experience it was pretty fun."

Cas chuckled.

"It was." Cas said, getting off of Dean and attempting to stand.

He stumbled a little before offering a hand to Dean, which he took. Dean chuckled at Cas' clumsiness before getting up. They made their way back through the sand and packed away their things, walking over to the Impala. After putting everything back into the trunk and shaking out their towels, they got into the car and Dean drove away. Hopefully one day they would be able to return.

Cas watched out the side window as the pink and orange sky grew darker. Soon enough, Dean pulled into the small driveway of his house. The two exited the vehicle and carried their things inside with them. Dean immediately went into the bedroom and changed out of his swim trunks and into boxers. He thought about showering, but he was honestly so tired. So was Cas. He followed behind Dean and did the same thing. After putting on a fresh pair of briefs, Cas slid on one of the shirts Dean bought him and made his way over to the bed. Dean flopped down beside Cas with a relieved sigh.

"I'll stay true to my word." Dean muttered, pressing a few kisses to the back of Cas' neck as he crawled closer and spooned him from behind.

"What word?" Cas chuckled.

"I promised you I would do anything you wanted me to tonight." Dean reminded.

"I really just want to sleep. Can we sleep?" Cas asked, glancing over his shoulder slightly and smiling.

"Oh, yeah... thank god. M'so tired." Dean chuckled in response.

"Me too."

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you more."

Even when Dean was seemingly at his lowest point, Cas always made him feel better. He didn't even have to do much. Dean slipped a hand under the hem of Cas' shirt and skated his fingers along Cas' back, feeling the old scars. He was suddenly reminded of how much he despised Michael. Cas gave a low hum in content. He smiled and let his eyes shut, his breaths falling slow and rhythmic. After a few moments, sleep overtook him. Dean cuddled close behind Cas, gently tracing Cas' arm with his fingertips.

Dean didn't sleep that night.

He was still so shaken from the nightmare he had at the beach. He didn't have therapy or the comfort of pills to soothe him any longer, and he knew if he tried to get rest it would only end up giving him more terrible dreams.

Dean turned his head and stared up at the ceiling as he waited for morning to arrive.


	12. Never Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets an interesting phonecall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end. I think we're about 2/3 of the way finished with it. Yay! Well, that's a "yay" on my end at least, because writing chapters is very time-consuming. lol. I've loved writing this!!! There's still quite a bit left to continue, so don't be so down quite yet! The story is definietly not over.
> 
> Here's chapter 12.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <3 caprivana

Finally morning had come and Cas fluttered his eyes open, squinting a little as sunlight from the window filtered through the blinds and onto his face. He could feel his back against Dean's chest and he stretched his legs with a small yawn. Dean had't slept at all, and when Cas stirred he placed a few lazy kisses to his neck.

"Morning, sunshine."

Cas smiled softly at Dean and turned his head to glance over his shoulder a little. "Good morning." He hummed, rolling over and snuggling into Dean's chest.

"You sleep okay?" Dean asked softly, running a gentle hand through Cas' dark hair.

"Yes." Cas replied, nuzzling Dean's chest as his eyes shut once more. "What about you?"

"Um... fine." Dean lied, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand in an attempt to make it look like he had just been sleeping moments before Cas awoke. "Hey, I was thinking about stopping by the bar today to tell them about Michael and see if they've found out anything new." He hoped to change the subject. The last thing Cas needed to worry about right now was how much sleep Dean was getting.

"Oh, that's probably a good idea." Cas admitted quietly. He had been trying to forget about Michael, to pretend like the bastard never existed and never inched his way into Cas' life to ruin it all. At this point, Cas knew he couldn't just pretend like Michael didn't do the things he did. To Cas, hurting Dean was simply unforgivable.

"I'll head over there in an hour or two." Dean rubbed Cas' back and pressed a gentle kiss to the middle of the man's forehead. "You don't have to worry about me, okay? Michael wouldn't have the balls to go back there any time soon after what happened."

Cas didn't reply.

Perhaps Dean was right. Maybe Michael was smart enough to stay away from the bar. But then again... maybe he wasn't. One thing Cas had always known about Michael was that he was determined. That's how he got Cas to stay with him as long as he did in the first place.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him. He had no idea what he would do without Dean. Cas didn't even want to think about it. Dean hugged Cas back for a moment before pulling away and slipping out from under the covers, shivering slightly from the sudden lack of warmth. But Dean knew that if he stayed in bed any longer that he would pass out. "What do you want for breakfast? I'll cook, my treat." Dean said with a small smile.

"Waffles?" Cas asked, rolling onto his side to face Dean, elbow propped up on the mattress and his face pressed into his palm lazily.

"Comin' right up." Dean replied, giving Cas a tiny wink. He headed into the kitchen and pulled out the waffle iron he had managed to find sitting in the cupboard. Dean prepared the waffle mix in a small bowl and poured it into the hot mold. He had only ever made waffles this way at hotels, and Dean had the feeling deep in his gut that when they were made at home they would taste so much better. Dean finally plated the two waffles and topped them with maple syrup, whipped cream and strawberries. He returned to the bedroom with the plates. "Tada!" He said probably a little too cheerfully.

Cas sat up, breathing in the sweet scent of the breakfast pastries with a deep inhale. "Wow, they smell amazing." Cas noted, his mouth watering a little. He smiled as Dean brought over the waffles and sat next to him on the bed.

"I'm not much of a cook." Dean replied with a soft chuckle. He handed Cas his plate and grabbed his fork, cutting a piece off of the pastry and popping it into his mouth. He instantly hummed from the taste. Cas was in the same state moments later, and he laughed at Dean around the mouthful of waffle his cheeks were currently holding.

"This tastes _amazing_. You have such little faith in yourself, Dean." Cas stuffed his mouth with more and continued to make ridiculous sounds as he ate.

Dean smiled a little. "What, you want me to be your personal chef or somethin'?"

"I thought you already were." Cas replied slyly, trying to not choke on the fluffy bread that was taking over the space of his mouth. "Now that I think about it, that's a pretty good idea." He added with a smile.

Dean leaned over and pecked Cas' stuffed, stubble-covered cheek. "You're gonna pay me, right?" He asked.

"That depends on what sort of payment you're asking for." Cas replied, raising a brow.

"Oh, I think you _know_ what kind of payment I want." Dean grinned, stuffing a bite into his mouth.

"Mm." Cas replied, having too much breakfast in his mouth to respond properly. After the two finished their breakfast, Dean picked up their plates and stood.

"I should probably head out."

"How long will you be gone?" Cas inquired.

"Maybe an hour, tops." Dean replied, taking the plates into the kitchen. He set them in the sink before returning to the bedroom to change into some fresh clothes.

He slid on a pair of worn jeans and a faded flannel and made sure to remove any stickiness from the waffles off of his face. Dean laced his boots, fixed his bedhead and walked over to Cas, pecking him softly on the lips.

"Stay?" Cas asked, carding his hands through Dean's hair and pressing their lips more forcefully together.

"I have to go." Dean mumbled against his lips and hummed slightly. Cas hummed back in response.

The kiss ended up being a little longer and heated than he had originally intended, but Dean certainly didn't mind. Once Dean was forced to pull away, he went back into the bathroom and was forced to fix his hair again (since Cas ran his fingers through it), a stupid smile on his face to match his flushed cheeks. When he returned to the room again Cas gave a small chuckle and smiled, already looking half-asleep again.

"Don't be gone for too long." He teased.

"After all that convincing, I'll make it quick." Dean replied with a smile. "See you later." He kissed Cas on the lips once more, (making sure to not get carried away again) and grabbed his jacket and keys before leaving the house.

Cas slumped a little on the bed with a lazy sigh. He felt somewhat refreshed after making up his loss of sleep from the night Dean got his concussion. Cas stood up from the bed and grabbed his glasses off of the nightstand and headed into the living room.

 

* * *

 

Once Dean arrived at the bar, he went inside and his eyes widened in surprise. It was completely empty. The police tape that had been put up the recent night was still hanging loosely from the counters and walls, and there were still some blood stains on the counter where Dean's head and nose had been bashed in.

Dean shivered.

He made his way around the counter and into the back room where his manager usually hung out between shifts, knocking gently on the door that lead into the office. His manager greeted him moments later and forced a small smile behind his look of surprise.

"Dean, wow. It's great to see you on your feet again. How're you feeling?"

"Not one hundred percent, but better." He admitted.

His manager nodded.

"I... remember who attacked me, and I thought I should tell you. It was a guy named Michael." Dean said somewhat hesitantly. "He'd been in here a couple times before." The mananger's brows rose in surprise. Dean continued. "You seen him around lately? Wouldn't surprise me if he's run off somewhere hiding. The cops were already looking for him before all of this mess."

" _Really?_ "

"Yeah. I called them to report a- uh..." Was Dean allowed to share Cas' personal life with other people? He decided no. "It's not that important." Dean shrugged off nonchalantly. "But damn, the cops around here suck. He's just one guy in a small town like this. Wish they'd just find him already..." Dean began to mumble, rolling his eyes slightly.

"They're truly terrible." His manager agreed. "Well, I haven't seen the guy since he ran out that night, but I'll definitely call you if I find out anything."

"Appreciate it." Dean said, giving a small nod.

He and the manager said their farewells, and Dean headed back outside to the impala, grimacing as he passed by the crime scene again. Dean slid behind the wheel and pulled out his phone, dialing Cas.

'Hello?'

"Nothing," Dean grumbled a little. 'they've got _nothing_. How could they miss him this time? He was in one of the most public places around town. I don't get it."

Cas sighed from the other end of the line. 'I don't know. Aren't they still supposed to be looking for him?'

"They better damn well be." Dean muttered. "I swear, he's not going to get away with this. _Any_ of this. I'll track the damn bastard down myself if I have to!" He pulled into a Dunkin Donuts, desperately needing some caffeine.

'Dean, don't do that. You and I both know that's a very stupid idea.' Cas scolded.

Dean paid for his coffee and pulled back onto the road, speeding away. Dean pressed the speaker button on his phone and set it on the seat next to him so he could take a swig of his coffee. "I know..." Dean admitted, sighing softly. "I just hate it, Cas. I _hate_ that he's still out there somewhere doing who-knows-what. I _hate_ that he's _hurt_ you. I _hate_ that he's ruined shit... I just _hate him_."

'And you think I _don't?_ ' Cas chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

Dean scoffed.

"That's not-"

'-I know, I know...' He soothed. 'My point is that I want him to be locked away just as much as you. I want him out of my life, out of our lives just as much as you- but taking a problem like this into your own hands and trying to solve it isn't smart. Just let things work themselves out.'

Dean didn't reply, and a comfortable silence fell between them. He stared out at the road, finally setting his coffee down and scrubbing a hand down his face. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and almost forgot that he was driving. A horn was suddenly blaring angrily at him and Dean was snapped out of his own head to find that he was driving in the wrong lane. Dean quickly corrected himself with a gasp and wide eyes. The car that had been honking at him passed by, the force of the air making the Impala shake slightly.

'Dean?' Cas asked from the other end of the line, clearly sounding surprised and worried. "What the hell was _that?!_ "

"Nothing!" Dean said quickly, his hands shaking a little as they gripped the steering wheel. "Everything's good." He added, hardly a whisper. Dean took a deep breath and blinked a few times to clear his head.

'Are you okay?'

"Everything's good." Dean repeated, loud enough this time for Cas to hear him. Dean grabbed his coffee and took a large swig of the dark, caffeinated drink. "I'll be home soon. Don't worry."

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Dean pulled up to the house, unlocking and opening the front door.

"I'm here." Dean called out, shutting the door behind him and walking over to the couch before plopping down with his coffee.

"Hey." Cas greeted as he came in from the kitchen, a fresh cup of tea sitting in his chilly hands. He sat down next to Dean with one leg crossed under him and the other hanging over the edge of the couch.

They both sipped their beverages, enjoying the simple silence that seemed to blanket the room. Dean took another swig of his coffee, suddenly feeling the need for more caffeine.

"Do we have any more coffee?" Dean asked, shaking his paper cup around a little to validate to himself that the liquid that was once in it was gone.

"I think there's still some grounds left." Cas replied, glancing over at Dean as he lifted his mug to his lips.

Dean gave a small grunt as he stood from the couch, heading into the kitchen to make a fresh pot. Dean didn't really understand why he bought a cup of coffee when his next stop was to come straight back home anyway. He just really needed his caffeine fix he guessed.

Cas grabbed the remote and turned on the television, the channel showing some sort of historical documentary. He scoffed in disgust and changed the channel to something else. Not that he was really interested in what was on anyway. He was worried.

About Dean.

Something seemed a little off to Cas, but he wasn't sure if he should approach Dean about it or not.

Dean came back a minute or so later with a large mug of coffee in his hand. He sat down next to Cas once more and gradually took small sips. "The hell's _this?_ " Dean asked with a chuckle, gesturing to the TV.

"Not sure." Cas replied honestly with a tiny smile. He relaxed into the cushions a little, finding himself leaning on Dean some in the process.

Dean smiled softly and stretched one of his arms around Cas on the back of the couch, glancing at the screen of whatever was showing.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah," Dean muttered, glancing over at him. "why wouldn't I be?"

Cas shrugged. "I don't know... you just seem a little tired." He said simply, a tinge of concern coating his voice.

"What makes you say that?" Dean asked, lifting his mug up to his lips to take another sip. But before he could do so, Cas lifted his hand and pressed the tips of his fingers on the rim of Dean's mug, gently pushing it down and away from his mouth. Dean scoffed in protest.

"Dean, please take a nap or something." Cas pleaded with him, taking the mug away from Dean and setting it on the coffee table in front of them.

"Cas, I'm fine."

Cas pulled a spare blanket off of the back of the couch and stood, unfolding it as he did so. "Lay down."

"What?- _No!_ " Dean replied with a scoff. "What are you, my mom?"

Cas glared at Dean for a moment and Dean sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

"Cas, I can't sleep right now. I just can't."

Cas' gaze softened and he sat back down on the couch, the unfolded blanket falling into his lap. "Dean, what's going on? You're scaring me."

"I don't know..." Dean admitted, voice small. He sat hunched over and buried his face into his hands before giving a shuttered sigh. "It hasn't been this bad since I was sixteen. I- I don't- I don't know what-" His voice broke off as it cracked.

Cas inched closer and wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders. Since he was sixteen? This had to deal with Dean's father somehow. Cas leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Dean's temple.

"The nightmares. They've come back... I can't get away, Cas." Dean breathed, his body shaking as he silently cried.

Cas understood completely. He used to have nightmares about Michael, and he still continued to even up to now. "Things won't be like this forever."

"I'm just... so _tired_." Dean croaked, turning and wrapping his arms around Cas securely. He buried his face into his chest. "I'm _tired_ of the- of the therapy, and the pills, and getting flashbacks and shit and- and I'm just- I'm _tired_ of _living_ like this." Dean started to sob harder, tears spilling down his cheeks and onto Cas' shirt.

Cas had no idea that Dean was taking therapy or that he had medication to help him with his issues. Was that why Dean was constantly gone? He continued to hug Dean and shushed him softly, whispering reassuring things into his ear. "Don't live like this, then. No pills or therapy."

"I- I _can't_ , everything will just get _worse_ -" Dean was crying so hard at this point that he feared he was going to make himself sick.

Cas took Dean's face into his hands. "Dean... please look at me." He asked softly.

Dean looked up at Cas, the scleras of his eyes tinged pink from crying. His lashes were thick and stuck together and his cheeks were flushed and sticky from tears. Cas' gaze softened, wiping any extra moisture from Dean's face with his thumbs.

"You're stronger than you think. You can beat this, and I'll be here to help you. I have so much faith in you. You're not alone in this fight any longer, Dean. I'm here, and I'll always be here. _Always_." Cas spoke, his eyes watering just a little.

Dean stared at Cas awestruck for a moment before pulling him back in for a tight hug. "Thank you." He breathed. Dean had been needing to hear that for a long time. He couldn't even recall the last time that someone genuinely cared for him or asked if he was okay. His therapist didn't really count since she was only in it for his money. But to really have someone care for him? Dean couldn't feel more loved. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you'll never have to find that out." Cas replied, smiling softly and kissing the crown of Dean's head. After a few moments, Cas let Dean go when he felt it was safe to do so.

Dean glanced down at the blanket in Cas' lap. He wanted to sleep badly, but his nerves were making any thought of unconciousness terrifying. "I'm scared, Cas."

"I'll be right here the whole time." Cas promised, taking Dean's hand and squeezing it.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Dean released a small sigh and took the blanket from Cas, laying down with his legs slung over Cas and setting his head on a pillow that was already sitting on the couch. He draped the blanket over his body and shut his eyes, releasing a shuttered breath.

Cas took Dean's hand again. "Whatever you see, it's not real." He stated softly.

"It's not real." Dean repeated. under his breath. He continued to repeat that until he finally fell asleep.

Cas watched Dean as he rested, gently rubbing Dean's hand while he slept. Dean slept soundly for about an hour. He flinched suddenly and his expression looked like he had been hurt. Cas glanced down and ran a gentle hand through Dean's hair in an attempt to keep his slumber as peaceful as possible. Dean relaxed under the touch, expression softening.

Dean slept for a few hours. Surprisingly, they had been peaceful. Every time a nightmare seemed to be appearing, it would dissipate just as quickly. However, one dream had come to him. It was his least favorite of all. Dean's breathing had calmed and suddenly stopped completely. His face grew red and his expression went pained again.

Cas noticed and his eyes widened in shock before he reached down quickly to shake Dean. "Dean?!"

Dean shot up and gasped for air, coughing harshly. His eyes were blown wide with fear. Dean grabbed Cas' upper arms tightly, his brain still tricking him that it was his father instead of his boyfriend. After a few moments, Cas came clearly into view and Dean let out a breath of relief.

"Cas-" Dean gasped, burying himself into the man. He was shaking violently as Cas held him. Dean pulled away after a felt himself growing calm. "I get those dreams a lot." He said, his voice quivering slightly. "My dad used to choke me... When I saw you, for a second I- I thought that..."

Cas simply nodded. "It's alright, I've had those dreams, too. I understand." Cas knew exactly how Dean felt, and it pained him.

"How did you get rid of them?" Dean asked softly, rubbing small circles into the top of Cas' hand.

"I never did. I still have them..." Cas admitted. "But since I've been with you they've seemed to be less frequent."

Hearing that made Dean's heart swell a little. "Well... I guess you officially know everything about me."

"You've known everything about me since our trip to the beach." Cas chuckled.

Dean smiled, leaning in and grabbing Cas' face, pressing kisses all over him. "You dork."

They were both interrupted to the sound of Dean's cell phone ringing. Cas' brows rose in surprise. Dean drew it out of his pocket and answered it, pulling it up to his ear.

"Hello?"

'Dean, it's Sam.'

Dean froze and nearly dropped the phone.

" _Hilarious_. Who is this, really?"

'It's _Sam_.'

Dean felt his stomach tie in a knot.

"Sammy?! What the h- you never call me, _ever!_ "

'I know... and I'm sorry.'

"Why _now?_ " Dean asked sternly. "Why?!"

'Dean...' Sam began, sounding a little choked up. 'Dad's dying. He- He wants to see y-'

"No."

'Dean-'

"I said _no_!"

'He wants to apologize.'

Dean froze again, his eyes watering with anger and disbelief.

"He's said that before."

"Please, Dean. _Please_ just come home."

Dean had no idea what to do. He glanced over at Cas and bit his lip. His stomach was churning.

"What is it?" Cas asked.

His mouth was moving, trying to form words, but nothing came out.

'Come home, Dean.'

Dean buried his face into his free hand and was silent for a few more moments.

"I'll think about it." He stated simply, hanging up and letting his phone fall to the floor. Dean ran his hands through his hair and sighed heavily.

"Who was that?" Cas asked him, putting a gentle hand on Dean's back.

"My brother." He replied, sitting up and glancing at Cas. "My dad... he's dying. He wants me to go back home." The thought of seeing his father after all these years made him sick to his stomach.

"This is the perfect opprotunity for you, Dean." Cas noted.

"What?"

"You can end the nightmares and the flashbacks. If you let him apologize it'll give you some closure." Cas explained.

"What makes you think he'd actually apologize to me after everthing he did? There's no way."

"Dean, the man's on his deathbed. Nobody would want to die with a weight like that hanging over them. Not even someone like your father. I believe he's being genuine."

Dean sighed and thought in silence for a few moments. "If... If I go..." He began, "will you go with me...?"

"Of course." Cas replied. "You'll never go through anything alone again, _ever_."

Dean hesitated for a moment. "Okay, then. I'll go."


	13. Home-bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Dean agrees to visit his dying father, he and Cas travel to Dean's hometown in Texas. Dean confronts John for the first time in almost 20 years, and he also reunites with Sam. His little brother isn't exactly the twelve-year-old kid Dean once remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 13! Enjoy.
> 
> <3 caprivana

"I'm proud of you, Dean." Cas said, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly. This was a very big step.

Dean was honestly terrified of seeing his father after all these years. He knew it could break the wall he had been spending all this time building up to shelter him from his past. That scared him. "Why?" Dean asked him, "I'm weak... don't even have the balls to see him all by myself. I have to bring my _boyfriend_ along with me to protect me."

Cas frowned a little. "There isn't anything wrong with not wanting to go into this alone. You aren't weak, Dean. Just agreeing to go and see the person who put you through so much mental and physical pain shows how courageous you are. I wouldn't ever be able to do something like that."

It was quiet for a few moments before Dean broke the silence with a sigh. "We should probably leave soon."

"How far is the drive?" Cas asked.

"About nine hours." Dean replied, scratching the side of his face. "I could probably drive overnight. Done it before."

Cas narrowed his eyes. "If you think I'm letting you drive for nine hours straight with the amount of sleep you've had then you're downright insane. We'll trade off half way. No exceptions."

Dean's brows rose and he chuckled a little at Cas' manner. "You know, it's pretty hot when you take control like that." He smirked.

Cas blushed a little and folded his arms over his chest, seeming to pout. He was secretly smiling. "Don't make me test that statement."

"Maybe I want you to." Dean grinned, leaning toward Cas until their faces were centimeters apart.

Cas laughed, unfolding his arms and playfully shoving Dean away. "You're unbelievable." He said, getting up from the couch. "Come on. We should go."

Dean chuckled and followed behind Cas, grabbing his car keys and heading outside to the impala. Dean slid behind the wheel and Cas sat in shotgun. The couple  pulled away from the house and sped down the road, home-bound.

 

* * *

 

 

They had spent about three hours on the road already.

Cas wondered how Dean would take seeing his father after so many years hiding from the man. He was concerned for Dean. Cas knew this would be good for him despite all of the uneasiness it would bring the both of them, and there was no way that Cas was going to let Dean pass up a chance like this to get closure. Cas would never have such a chance with Michael. He glanced over at Dean, seeing the tinge of anxiety in his peridot, green eyes. Cas placed his hand over Dean's knee and rubbed his thumb gently over the fabric covering his skin. "It'll be alright." He reassured quietly.

Dean didn't reply, but he looked over at Cas for a moment with a soft smile, placing his own hand over his boyfriend's as a silent answer. 'I know.' Dean was so grateful to have Cas. He felt safe and happy. Like nothing could touch him. Dean felt like he could do _anything_ as long as he had Cas with him.

Cas glanced out the side window. The trees flew by in a blur and the evening sky that silhouetted them was turning shades of pink and sherbet. It was a beautiful sight, and Dean seemed to silently agree. Dean reached over and turned the dial on the radio, some relaxing music seeming to crackle from the weak signal. Cas found that he liked the song even thought he couldn't really understand the words. He tapped his fingers on the leather seat to the soft rhythm of the music and began to hum softly.

Dean smiled over at Cas, eyes shining with adoration. Cas' voice sounded amazing. It sounded like muffled thunder; gravelly and pleasant. Dean would have complimented him, but if Cas knew Dean could hear then he would most likely stop humming, and Dean didn't want that.

Another hour had passed before Dean finally admitted he was tired. He let Cas take over the driving and decided to nap the rest of the way. In the process of this Cas had turned into a makeshift bed for him. Dean's head was set on Cas' lap as he curled up on the seat, and Cas' fingers carded through his hair as he rested.

Cas was grateful that Dean had agreed for Cas to take over the five last hours of the drive. After hearing that car horn blare during their phone call, Cas had been completely on edge at the thought of Dean driving overnight, or even at all. But Cas knew Dean wouldn't have imagined letting Cas drive the entirety of the way to Texas, so he complied to take half of the drive.

 

* * *

 

 

After arriving in Texas, Cas woke Dean up so he could get directions to Dean's town and home, and they arrived about thirty minutes later. It was 5AM when they pulled up to the small house. Cas put the car into park on the side of the street in front of the place. It was a little smaller than the house that Dean was currently living in, and Cas wondered as to how it used to house three people all those years ago.

Dean looked over at Cas, slightly hesitating. "I'm worried."

Cas smiled softly at him and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "Don't be. Everything will be alright." Cas reassured.

Dean nodded and rubbed a couple of circles into the back of Cas' hand before pulling away. "Let's grab our stuff and go inside. M'sure they're asleep."

Cas pulled the keys out of the ignition and got out along with Dean. He followed his boyfriend into the house and up the stairs to his old bedroom. When they both entered, it looked pretty much how Cas would've imagined.

Band posters decorated the wall. Led Zeppelin, Kansas, Queen, Lone Survivor, all the classics. Cas smiled a little. The room appeared to be cleaned and neat from what Cas could see, but most of Dean's things looked untouched.

Dean didn't bother turning on the lights. He glanced around for a moment and sighed softly, walking to the bed and pulling back the covers, inviting Cas over as he got under them and laid down. Cas got under the blanket with Dean as best as he could. The twin mattress was definitely a tight fit for the both of them, and Dean chuckled softly.

"Tight squeeze, huh?" He asked Cas.

Cas chuckled back. "A little." He replied honestly. "But I like being close to you." Cas added, leaning forward in the dark and kissing whatever part of Dean that his lips touched first. Cas guessed it was Dean's cheek right below his eye because he felt eyelashes tickle his cupid's bow as a deep chuckle erupted from his boyfriend.

"You're a damn sap." Dean replied, wrapping his arms around Cas and pulling him close so they weren't hanging off of the sides of the bed.

"Hmm..." Cas hummed happily in reply, tangling their legs together. "But you love it."

Dean hummed back at Cas and buried his face into the other man's neck. It felt like they'd been together for years, not just a few weeks.

Cas held onto Dean until he felt him fall asleep. Only then did Cas allow himself to fall asleep as well.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean woke up around 10:30AM. His eyes opened and he yawned, squinting at the outside light that was filtering through the window and onto his face. He focused and was finally able to see Cas in front of him, his face mere inches away from his own. Dean smiled softly at the sight. Seeing Cas sleep was beautiful. His lips were always slightly parted in a small pout, and Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss them. However, he decided against it. He'd hate to wake Cas up.

Dean carefully slid away from Cas and out from under the covers. He made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, immediately stopping in his tracks. There was a man standing by the sink. A very _tall_ man. Once the man turned around, Dean was practically speechless.

It was Sam.

His hair was fairly long, not shaggy like Dean had remembered, and he certainly wasn't a twelve-year-old boy any longer. Once Sam turned around and saw Dean standing there, he also remained quiet. His mouth was slightly ajar and his eyes were widened in shock.

Dean walked swiftly over to his brother and the space between them was closed as he pulled Sam into a hug. Dean held him tightly, and after a few moments of being startled, Sam hugged Dean back just as tight.

It was strange to Dean that he had to stand on his toes to hug his little brother when the last time he had seen him he was forced to lean down a little, but in this moment, all he was thinking about was that Sam was here.

Dean was home.

He might have not been so close to his father, but Dean loved Sam with everything he had. It pained him and forever changed him when he left Sam behind twenty years ago. Dean still regretted leaving to this very day, but at the time he had no other choice. John had kicked him out.

After a minute or so the hug was finally broken, and Dean looked up at Sam with a watery smile. "Hey, Sammy."

"Hey, Dean." Sam's mouth quirked up into a smile as his own eyes glossed over. His focus changed from his brother to somewhere behind him, and Dean turned around to follow his gaze.

Cas was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, an awkward smile on his face. His composure appeared to clarify that Cas knew he had intruded on an intimate moment between the brothers, and he looked very apologetic.

Dean looked back over at Sam and patted him on the back before returning his gaze to Cas.

"Sam, this is my boyfriend, Cas." Dean introduced.

Cas gave a semi-awkward wave and smiled. Sam simply smiled and gave Cas a nod.

Sam wasn't surprised to find that Dean had a boyfriend. He had known that Dean was bisexual since he was ten years old. Dean made Sam keep it a secret, and Sam understood. If John had ever found out Dean's sexuality it would've only served as another excuse to beat him.

The trio made some pancakes for breakfast and sat at the kitchen table to eat. They ate in silence, knowing what was to happen soon.

Dean was going to see John.

"What's wrong with dad?" Dean suddenly asked.

"All of the alcohol he drank finally caught up with him. He has kidney failure. Doctors told me he just had to wait it out, so I brought him back home." Sam replied. "He's in his bedroom. Probably still asleep." He noted softly, glancing over at Dean.

Dean gave a soft sigh and set his fork down onto his plate, causing it to *clink*. He looked over at Cas for a moment. Cas simply looked back at him, his eyes doing all the speaking they needed to, but he spoke anyway.

"I could go with you."

Dean shook his head. "I think I need to do this alone."

Cas nodded and watched as Dean stood from his chair and made his way down the hall.

Dean was terrified.

This hallway held some of his worst memories of Dean's entire life. He could practically feel the punches landing on his jaw, the kicks slamming into his ribs; the sound of his nose breaking. The blood.

Dean attempted to brush off the uneasiness and walk down to John's bedroom.

He stood in front of the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. His hand was shaking. Dean was finally able to grab the knob and twist it. He opened the door and hesitated to step inside of the room, remaining partially in the hallway.

Dean could see his father asleep on the bed. He almost didn't recognize him. Time definitely hadn't been kind to the man. His face was a lot more wrinkled than Dean had remembered, and his beard was decorated with silver. He looked very ill. If he hadn't put Dean and Sam through so much Hell, Dean might've had some sympathy, but he didn't. He was just filled with darkness and hatred.

John's eyes cracked open as Dean walked into the room and his eyes widened once they adjusted.

"Dean." John managed to muster, his voice raspy and weak.

Dean didn't reply, but he did step a little closer just to signify his presence.

"Wow, you're... you're grown." John replied, voice hoarse.

"Just tell me what you want."

John coughed a little and cleared his throat, beckoning Dean closer with his hand.

"No." Dean simply denied, his voice quivering. "Whatever you want to say, you just say it."

John gave a sigh and shut his eyes. "I want to apologize." He began. "What I did... what you went through because of me... that doesn't deserve forgiveness. I can't ask you to forgive me... but please just let me apologize." John begged, eyes glossy as he pleaded.

Dean averted his gaze, the backs of his eyes starting to sting with tears. "Damn _right_ , I'm not gonna forgive you." Dean began. "You have no idea what you did to me. What you've done to me that's still poisoning me  _to this day_. I'm so fucked up because of what you did." Dean said, voice slightly risen in volume. "What the hell was going through your head when you decided to beat your sixteen year old son?! When you decided to trash the damn house every night and leave to drink, only for your kids to wake up and find out that their _dad_  was probably passed out in some alleyway piss-drunk?" Dean felt tears beginning to pour down his cheeks as the rage from twenty years of bottled up pain seeped out of him.

"After your mother... after she... I was angry. Angry at everything, everyone... It was so wrong of me. I know it was... It isn't an excuse... I don't have an excuse. I was so wrong for taking it out on Sam, for taking it out on you... I can't take back what I did... I can't undo what has been done... I tore what was left of our family apart. I'm so sorry... All I want is to at least die knowing that I could tell you how sorry I am..."

"I can't forgive you. I can't _ever_ forgive you." Dean breathed, reaching up and wiping away his tears. His lip was quivering.

"I don't want you to, son." John replied, eyes glossy. "But I'm glad you came back home to see me..."

Dean stared blankly at John for a moment before turning around and walking towards the door. "I didn't come back for you... I came back for _me_." He said, walking out and shutting the door (probably a little too loudly) behind him.

As Dean made his way back down the hall towards the kitchen, he saw Cas quickly walk into view. He stared at Dean, obviously having been alarmed by the bedroom door being shut so loudly.

"Dean...?" Cas asked, voice soft.

Dean didn't reply. He walked down the hall and met Cas, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and burying his face into the man's shoulder for comfort. Cas hugged Dean back immediately and rubbed his back. They stood there like that for a few moments before Dean pulled away.

"I wanna go home." Dean said simply.

Cas nodded.

Dean followed behind Cas into the kitchen and saw Sam at the sink rinsing off the syrup-covered plates. After Sam turned off the sink, he turned around and sighed through his nose. Sam could see the heaviness of Dean's pained eyes, and he longed to take that pain away. When Sam saw Dean just about an hour ago, he looked so happy. Sam hadn't seen Dean that happy in years. Cas must be really special.

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to visit regularly." Sam said, as if he knew that Dean would be leaving again. He could see it in his brother's eyes, behind all of that tiredness and pain.

"If you don't then I'll hunt your ass down." Dean said with a small chuckle, his mouth quirking up a bit.

Sam smiled softly at Dean.

"I'll see you around." Dean said, pulling his little brother down for one last hug. Sam complied immediately.

A few moments passed before Dean pulled away. "Okay. Let's go." Dean said to Cas, pecking him on the cheek and heading toward the front door.

Cas blushed softly at the public affection in front of Sam, but Sam didn't seem to mind it at all. He looked at the action with fondness, even. Like it was a relief to see his brothe had found someone to care for h8m and to care about him. Cas smiled at Sam before following behind Dean and leaving the house.

For Dean, this would be the last time he would walk out of this house. For Cas, the first and the last time.

Dean agreed to let Cas drive. He was too emotionally exhausted to even think about getting behind the wheel. Cas pulled onto the road and headed back home. To _their_ home.

Dean was laid down with his head on Cas' lap, basically in the same position as he was in on the ride there. Cas could feel Dean's body slightly shaking, and it took him a second to realize that Dean was crying. He noticed a wetness soaking into the thigh of his jeans.

Dean's tears.

Cas carded his hand through Dean's hair as he drove, hoping to serve as some sort of comfort. The shaking had finally stopped, and Cas came to the conclusion that Dean had fallen asleep.

Cas sat there in the driver's seat, hand in Dean's hair, foot on the gas, eyes on the road...

All the way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked chapter 13. I'm planning on going through the other chapters and sort of re-writing them so that they flow better since my writing style has improved in the past (almost) year. But thankfully, that shouldn't interfere with the continuation of further chapters being published.
> 
> Don't get too excited! The drama isn't over yet. Chapter 14 is going to hold a lot of shock and heartbreak.
> 
> Prepare yourselves. ;))
> 
> Until next time!!!
> 
> <3 caprivana


	14. The Flood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas finally make it back home. Dean does something absolutely unthinkable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS okay, this chapter is the climax of the story. I really hope you like this chapter. Sorry for taking so long to update. I'll try to get chapter 15 and maybe 16 posted sometime this week if I can!
> 
> Remember: If you like this story please share about it with your friends and on social media. I'd love to have feedback from you all!
> 
>  
> 
> Here's chapter 14. Enjoy. :)
> 
> <3 caprivana

Dean slept the full nine hour drive home. He wasn't really that tired, mostly drained; both physically and mentally. The hand that Cas had continually run through his hair definitely helped him fall asleep. Once they arrived back into town Cas felt a weight lift off of his chest. He drove back to Dean's house, parking in the driveway. He looked down at the man's head in his lap. "We're home," Cas said quietly, brushing Dean's hair softly with his fingers. He really didn't want to wake Dean up but they both couldn't stay in the car and sleep. Eighteen hours total of driving had left them both exhausted.

Dean blinked awake slowly. He wasn't sure where he was at first. Dean tried to quickly sit up but accidentally banged his head on the steering wheel. He groaned and held his head, managing to sit up all the way.

Cas tried to stifle a chuckle. "Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing Dean's forehead gently. "Let's go inside," Cas added, eager to lay down and relax. He was tired.

The fact that it was already eight at night wasn't helping him with that, either. Cas figured Dean probably wouldn't be very tired due to his sleep on the car ride, but Cas was practically spent.

Dean gave a small nod and got out of the car, Cas trailing close behind him. After everything that had happened it felt good to be home. The two stepped inside and Dean headed straight for the bedroom, as did Cas. Dean stripped and began to change his clothing. After doing so, Dean plugged in his cellphone. The battery had died on the ride from Texas. Cas flopped onto the bed with a large sigh. He shut his eyes and attempted to relax into the mattress. It was nice to be on a bigger bed and in a familiar place, even if a change of scenery was very much needed. Cas opened his eyes for a moment and glanced at Dean a few feet away before shutting his eyes again.

Dean laid down beside Cas. Maybe he wasn't really tired right now, but he still wanted to hold Castiel under the covers. Today held a lot of dark shit, and Dean needed some light again. Cas was that light for him. Dean leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Cas' lips and slipped a hand under the hem of his shirt, his hand snaking around and skating along Cas' back. "Thanks for going with me. I really needed you there," He said quietly.

Cas hummed gently and wrapped his arms around Dean. "I wouldn't have had it any other way." He breathed, leaning in and kissing along Dean's neck.

Dean sighed happily and shut his eyes, his other arm wrapping swiftly around Cas' waist before he rolled over and pulled Cas on top of him. "No matter how much it hurt, I got closure. . . I'm glad you convinced me to go." Dean opened his eyes and looked into Cas', running a hand through his boyfriend's dark hair.

"You're _very_ brave for having gone. I can't imagine how that whole thing must have been for you," Cas said softly, setting his chin on Dean's chest.

"We'll deal with Jason soon, I promise," Dean said, laying his head on the pillow and shutting his eyes. "Might be done with my end of this fucked up story, but yours isn't over. He'll get what's coming to him."

Cas tried to hide his concern and shove it to the back of his mind. "One problem at a time," He said tiredly.

Suddenly Dean's phone had turned back on and a notification caused it to vibrate on the side table. Both Dean and Cas turned at the sound. Dean's mind instantly went to Sam. He reached over to grab the phone, checking the message. 'I hope you both made it back okay. Have a good night.'

A brief smile curved onto Dean's lips and he texted back a reply. 'made it back fine, goodnight sammy' Dean sent, setting his phone back on the side table, resuming to play with Cas' hair.

"Who was that?" Cas asked curiously, his eyes blinking while his chin remained on Dean's chest.

"Sam," Dean replied. "Just wanted to make sure we got back alright." He slid his hands up Cas' back and massaged the knots that had formed from him driving for so long. His fingers also brushed along the old scars that formed on his skin. Dean shivered a little.

"I like Sam. He seems very nice," Cas said in a sleepy slur. He breathed calmly as Dean freed the tightness in his back.

Dean smiled softly. "Yeah, he is pretty nice," He replied. "Get some sleep, baby. I got you," Dean added softly, continuing to massage his boyfriend's back.

Cas sighed happily and turned his head so his cheek was flush to Dean's chest. He loosened up a lot as Dean rubbed his sore back. It didn't take very long for Cas to fall asleep, and a few minutes later he was snoring softly.

Dean massaged Cas' back until he was finally satisfied with how relaxed Cas felt. After a while of simply laying there on the bed, stared at the ceiling, Dean's mind began to race to all sorts of thoughts about Jason. He wanted the nasty prick locked up. He wanted him out of their lives, and he knew Cas wanted the same thing. The cops in town really sucked at finding him. Since the incident at the bar, he hadn't come out of hiding. It seemed hopeless. However, a lightbulb flicked on in Dean's head. This had to be the most _stupid_ and _wreckless_ idea he's ever come up with. But Dean, being 100% totally authentic Dean, figured there would only be one way to solve this whole problem.

Dean had seen Cas carrying around his old cellphone with him- not that he really understood why Cas would do that. He gently reached down and began to feel the back pockets of Cas' pants. He felt each one and then carefully reached inside of the one with the smaller device. Cas stirred and Dean stilled for a moment. His heart was beating quickly in his chest. After Cas had fallen still once more Dean tried pulling the phone out again. He managed to free it from Cas' pocket. Dean brought the phone up to his face and turned it on and went to Cas' contacts, finding Jason's number. Dean swallowed before hesitantly unblocking him. After a few moments of hesitation, Dean began to type a message.

'quit hiding like the damn coward and meet me at the bar at midnight tomorrow. we can settle this like men. i'll come alone. you do the same' Dean sent the text and waited for a reply. The screen of Cas' phone lit up and a message came in.

'Deal'

Dean felt his chest tie in a nervous knot. He was such an idiot for doing this, but he felt like there wasn't any other solution. He carefully slid the cellphone back into Cas' pocket and shut his eyes in an attempt to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas woke up the next morning in the exact same position he'd fallen asleep in. He stretched his legs and gave a small yawn before opening his eyes. Cas nuzzled Dean's neck softly.

Dean woke up a moment later and smiled a little, pressing his lips gently into Cas' hair as his arms wound tighter around his boyfriend. "Hey," He muttered, voice thick with sleep. He instantly felt that same knot from last night twisting up in his chest.

Something horrible could happen tonight. This could be the last day he'd ever spend with Cas.

Dean had no idea what would happen when he confronted Michael, or even if the dick would come alone like he'd said he would. All he knew was that he was willing to risk his life for this.

To keep Cas safe.

Cas sighed softly through his nose, kissing along Dean's neck and jaw before finally planting a kiss on his lips. Cas stretched his back out a little bit, relieved at how loose it felt.

"What do you wanna do today?" Dean desperately wanted to make this day count, since he had no idea if he'd come back tomorrow. He wanted this day to be perfect.

Cas shrugged. "Just be with you," He said honestly.

"I can second that," Dean replied. They laid in silence for a little while before Dean spoke again. "You know I love you, right? A whole lot."

Cas chuckled. "I do, and I love you more," He replied. He laid his head back down on Dean's chest.

Dean felt his heart flutter a little and he couldn't hold back a smile. "Are you hungry? I can make us breakfast."

Cas thought for a moment before the corners of his mouth curved up in a small smile. "How about waffles?" He asked. Cas could already taste the warm breakfast pastry in his mouth.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and gave a small hum. "Waffles it is." Cas rolled off of him and Dean got out of bed. Dean made his way to the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator and pantry for some ingredients to make waffle batter. If there was anything Dean was good at by now it was cooking. He used to cook for Sam all of the time before their dad kicked him out of the house. Moments after Dean filled the waffle iron with the batter and began waiting for it to cook, he felt strong arms wrap around him and a pair of lips press against his neck.

"Are you feeling okay today?" Cas knew Dean had a rough day yesterday and couldn't help but be at least a little concerned for him.

Dean smiled a little and leaned into Cas' embrace. "Feel a little queasy but a lot better."

The only reason for his upset stomach was his nerves so other than that Dean honestly did feel pretty good. He opened up the waffle iron and scooped the baked pastry out, setting it on a plate and starting to decorate it with whipped cream and maple syrup. Cas put his lips to the top of Dean's spine and then pulled away. "That's good." He replied, moving towards the coffee pot to make some for the both of them. "Coffee?" Cas asked, pulling two mugs out of the cabinet.

Dean shook his head as he went toward the fridge and grabbed some strawberries. "No thanks," He replied, walking back over to the counter and laying the fruit out on a cutting board, starting to slice the strawberries up and lay them on the waffle.

Cas shrugged and put one of the mugs back. He added water to the pot and put a couple of scoops of coffee grounds into the filter before turning the machine on.

Dean turned and handed Cas the plate with the waffle on it. "Tada!" He exclaimed, grinning a little.

Cas glanced over at him and smiled, looking down at the plate. "It looks too pretty to eat, Dean," Cas stated with a small chuckle, gladly taking the plate.

"Kind of like you, huh?" Dean winked, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Cas' lips.

Cas smiled against the kiss and blushed a little once Dean had pulled away. "You're unbelievable," He mused. "Come on, let's go watch some TV." Cas headed into the living room and Dean followed behind him.

Dean sat down next to Cas on the couch and slung an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders as they watched television. He put on the second Star Wars movie for Cas, knowing it was his favorite. Cas watched the movie with Dean, continuing to eat his waffle. There was whipped cream at the corners of his mouth and a little bit of syrup was dribbling down his chin. When Dean turned to look at Cas he instantly started laughing. "Looks like it wasn't too pretty to eat after all," Dean teased, leaning down to kiss him. He kissed away the whipped cream from the corners of Cas' mouth, licking his own lips. Cas blushed brightly and smiled a little.

"It tastes so good- I can't really help it," He replied, turning his head and looking back down at his plate, moving around a bite of his waffle that was swimming in syrup. Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes, snatching a strawberry off of Cas' waffle and tossing it into his mouth. Cas glanced over at Dean, chuckling to himself. "If you wanted one all you had to do was ask." He picked up a strawberry with his fork and popped half of the fruit into his mouth. Cas turned to Dean and grinned around the strawberry. Dean smirked a little and chuckled, curling his fingers around the back of Cas' neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

Dean bit the strawberry in half and licked into Cas' mouth, tasting nothing but the sweetness of syrup and whipped cream. Cas was irresistible right now, nearly like he always was, and it was making it harder and harder for Dean- knowing he was going to have to leave him later and most likely never see him again. Dean pulled away and stared at Cas with pure adoration. Cas blushed and looked back at Dean, giving a small smile, his plate now completely forgotten on the coffee table. Dean pulled Cas into his lap, trying his best to memorize the feeling.

He would be lying if  he said he wasn't scared out of his mind.

Dean would jump off a fucking cliff for Cas, and that was scary. Dean knew what he was walking into when it came to Jason. The guy was a psycho, a complete nut. A _dangerous_ nut. Dean had good intentions behind his suicidal and ridiculous plan, but he knew what the possible outcome could be. That would be him never walking back through that front door. That would be Jason somehow _killing_ him. Dean didn't know what he would do if Cas found out about this.

Cas buried his face into Dean's neck. "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, either," Dean said softly. "I love you so much, Cas. You changed my life. I... don't know what I'd do without you."

Cas felt his eyes watering a little bit. Why was Dean acting like this? He was beginning to worry. Cas sniffed and tucked his nose into Dean's neck. Tears began to well into Dean's eyes and he released a shuttered breath.

He hated this. He hated every bit of this. Why couldn't he and Cas just be happy? Why did so much shit sit between them and their happiness? A bunch of clueless and useless cops, and one disgusting, crazy son of a bitch.

A few tears fell from Dean's eyes and rolled down his cheeks, wetting Cas' shirt a little. Cas squeezed the back of Dean's shirt and pulled away, kissing the tear-stains on Dean's cheeks before pressing their foreheads together. Dean began to cry even harder. He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist as tightly as he could, as if fearing he would disappear into thin air. Cas continued to clutch to Dean. He shut his eyes and leaned against him. "Never leave me," Cas pleaded quietly. A bullet of guilt shot through Dean's heart.

"I won't. I love you."

Cas held onto Dean tightly. He felt like something wasn't right about this situation, but he tried to brush it off. Dean had been through enough the past few days and the last thing Cas wanted was to stress him out over something that was most likely nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

The next few hours flew by. They spent the afternoon watching the entire Star Wars series and eating strawberries off of Cas' plate. Occasionally they'd laugh about something and then snuggle up together but by the end of the day Dean wanted nothing more than to relive everything. It was about 9 at night and Dean knew he had to leave soon.

The thought made him want to hurl.

"Thanks for today," Dean said quietly to Cas. Cas smiled softly, curling into Dean's side. Dean slowly laid down and pulled Cas up next to him on the couch and spooned him from behind. After a few moments Dean hesitantly spoke. "Cas. . . can you promise me something?" Dean could feel his hands shaking a little.

"Of course, Dean," Cas replied softly.

"Just. . . promise that no matter what, even if it's today, or in a month, or ten years from now. . . that you won't ever hate me," Dean said softly, voice quivering a little.

"I promise," Cas replied, rubbing the back of Dean's hand that was wrapped and pressed securely on his chest. It was shaking a little. "Dean, something isn't right. What's this all about. . .?"

Dean sighed softly. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything." He held onto Cas tightly and buried his face into Cas' hair.

Dean was worrying Cas right now. He hoped the way Dean was acting was just a coping mechanism for all Dean had been through in the past few days and nothing more.

"Can you look at me?" Dean asked softly. "I just wanna look at you."

Cas complied and rolled over, looking directly into Dean's eyes and searching them, hoping to read his thoughts. "Dean. . ."

Dean cupped Cas' face and dipped down, pressing a long kiss to the center of his lover's forehead. He shut his eyes and let his lips rest there for a moment. "I love you," He said again.

"Dean, you're scaring me. . ."

Dean smiled softly and buried his face in Cas' hair, breathing in the scent. Dean's eyes kept glancing over to the clock, his mind racing as it got closer and closer to 11. He'd have to leave soon. He looked Cas in the eyes. "I'm sorry. . . I'm still trying to figure everything out. Don't mean to scare you. Everything's okay."

Cas buried his face into Dean's chest and shut his eyes. A part of him believed Dean, and he tried to hold onto that. After a while of laying there Cas' breathing began to calm down tremendously, and soon, he had fallen asleep.

Dean released a shaky breath and swallowed, wrapping his arms around Cas and holding him impossibly closer.

'It's okay.' Dean kept telling himself. 'It's gonna be okay.'

Time passed by quickly, and finally. . . the time had hit 11.

Dean looked at Cas, the beautiful, dark hair he had always run his hands through was messily splayed out on his arm. He carefully and hesitantly slipped away from Cas, and grabbed a pen as well as a piece of notebook paper. If he was going to do this the least he could do was let Cas know what he was doing and why he left. Dean sat down at the kitchen table and  wrote and wrote. His tears stained the worn sheet of paper, those fallen drops of salt making the inked lines of the paper smear. After he had finished writing Dean headed back into the living room and set the note on the coffee table. Dean grabbed his jacket from the coat wrack and slid it on.

After looking at Cas one last time. . . Dean left.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas slept soundly for about an hour after Dean was gone. He stirred on the couch and finally woke up fully once the fullness of Dean's body next to his was noticed to be missing.

Where was Dean? Cas sat up and glanced around.

"Dean?" He called out. There was no response. He stood and walked into the kitchen. The bedroom. _Everywhere_. Dean wasn't there. Where had he gone? Cas walked back into the living room and pulled out his phone. He dialed Dean and was surprised to find his boyfriend's phone vibrating on the coffee table. Next to the phone was a note. Cas walked over and sat down on the couch, looking at the note and seeing what was written on it in blocked letters.

Dean's handwriting. 'Cas'

Cas felt his hand shaking as he reached for the note. He unfolded the paper and began to read.

 

 

 

 

_I know you're wondering where the hell I am right now, and I'll tell you. You deserve to know._

_I went after him._

_I just want this to be over. I want you to be happy. I want you to get your happy ending. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea if I'll ever see you again . . . But one thing I do know that can do some damn good is that I love you, Cas. I love you so much. I'd die for you if it meant keeping you safe. ~~I want to do this, even if~~ I want you to live life without fear, and I want you to have everything you deserve. . . even if that doesn't include me. I could live with that. I could live with knowing that I did this ~~for the two~~ and that you're happy and safe, even if this stupid ass stunt makes you hate me forever. Please just know that no matter what happens . . . that I love you. Know that you'll always be mine. I love you so much that it hurts. That's how I know that absolutely nothing Jason does to me will be as painful as seeing you scared and hurting because of him and what he did to you._

_You're my world, Cas. You're what keeps me going every day. You're my sun. You're my moon. You're my stars. **You're my everything.**_

_Dean_

 

 

 

 

Cas read the note. And he read it again. And again. And again. He didn't want to believe it was real. This all felt like a horrible dream that he longed to wake up from.

'I'd die for you.' _Die_ for you.

Tears cascaded down Cas' cheeks and his hands drew into fists, crumpling up the note. He hunched over slowly as sobs  from his chest. 'You idiot-" Cas choked out. He gasped for air and threw the note across the room.

Cas couldn't breathe.

He was so distraught, and he found himself crumbling to his knees on the floor of the living room. Wracked sobs consumed his body, and the sounds echoed against the quiet walls of the living room. Whatever was going to happen when Dean arrived at the bar had already happened or was currently happening, and there was nothing Cas could do.

He could only wait and hope to god that Dean would come walking back through that front door.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean had pulled up to the empty bar and walked in through the back. Jason wasn't anywhere to be seen. The police tape was still strew about and it looked exactly how he had seen it the last time he was here. It still sent shivers up his entire body.

A few minutes later the front door clinked open and Michael waltzed inside. "Long time no see, bartender."

"Let's get this over with, okay?" Dean said, already feeling a thudding in his chest from his pounding heart.

"I say we start off with another deal," Jason said, taking a couple of slow steps toward Dean.

"I don't want another deal."

"It's pretty much guaranteed, anyway. After I'm done killing you, I get Castiel back."

Dean instantly grew cold, shivers going up his spine at those words. "You're _insane_ , you psychotic prick."

Jason's eyes turned into daggers that could easily cut into Dean's very soul. "Looks like I'll just have to take him myself, then-"

_"I won't let you."_ Dean barked, his expression more menacing than it's ever been.

Jason chuckled darkly. "What are you gonna do about it, pretty boy?"

Dean didn't reply, but his expression slightly deflated.

Jason's eyes turned terrifyingly dark as he swiftly made his way over to Dean. He threw a nasty punch to Dean's jaw that send him stumbling back in surprise. Dean recovered and lunged forward at Jason's abdomen, knocking him to the ground. Dean sat on top of Jason and pinned his arms to the floor. Jason spat on Dean's face, causing him to grimace with rage. Dean took a good swing, his knuckles nailing the man's cheek two times. After a second of collecting himself, Jason threw his head forward and it collided with Dean's. Dean hissed in pain, his forehead still healing from their recent squabble. Jason took his chance and wiggled an arm free, punching Dean right in the nose. Dean grew dizzy and became limp enough for Jason to scramble out from under him. Once Jason was on his feet again he repeatedly kicked Dean in the ribs. Dean winced and curled up on his side when he felt sharp pains erupting with each kick.

Jason smirked as he towered over him, not letting up on his assault. "You're _too fucking easy_. How disappointing."

Dean croaked as he spit up blood. "Leave Cas-"

_"Shut your_ _fucking mouth! You're nothing_ _but_ _trash!_ You took Castiel _away_ from me. I'll _fucking_ _kill_ you, _bitch-!"_ Jason spat. He kicked Dean in the jaw.

Dean recovered and managed to reply with a snarky remark. "He told me how you beat him and treat him like shit every day- how you used him like your little toy. You're a fucking _monster_. Why do you think he ran away from you in the first place?" Dean really was digging his own grave, here. "Cas left you because he wanted to find out what _real_ love's like."

That statement earned him a blinding kick to the head. Things were starting to blur and Dean felt light-headed. He reached out for anything. If he didn't act quick, he knew he was going to die.

Dean's fingers grazed the neck of a beer bottle and he grabbed it, smashing it on the ground and then swinging his arm horizontally through the air, hoping his swing hit Jason.

Jason made a gagging sound, grabbed at his neck, stumbling back- falling to the floor and gasping for air. Then there was silence.

Silence.

Dean stared at the ceiling. After a few moments. . . everything turned to black.


	15. ***NOTICE***

**Dear readers...**

I would just like to inform you all that I will not be updating this fic for a while. I don't intend to abandon it in the _slightest!_ I'm just feeling very unmotivated with this story at the moment and I hope you can forgive me. But on a good note, I'm hoping to continue on with my other fic for the time being- **Thick-Skinned**. Take a look at it if you haven't already!

I'm currently trying to proof-read the first few chapters right now and I'm hoping to add another chapter soon and get that one going. I promised myself I would finish **AMWIAB** before I started another fic, but you can see how that went... so, I'm going to try and get something done with Thick-Skinned until I feel motivated with **AMWIAB** again. It's been a long process so far, but I'm not giving up! Anyway, I hope you can forgive me.

**Thank you for your patience and support!**

**_< 3 caprivana_ **


	16. ***It's returning!***

**Hello hello hello!** It's me. :)

I would love to inform you that _A Man Walks Into A Bar_ is getting back on the road! It's been quite a while since an update, but with college coming up in a few months as well as grades to worry about, I've had my hands **crazily** full. Although I haven't been able to start up a new chapter quite yet,  I will be making improvements to the current story as well as correcting my uneducated grammar mistakes from the old chapters. I hope you reread them and notice the improvements!

In the mean time, I will continue to edit each chapter posted so far. Once that's done, I will begin the draft for chapter 15. **Thank you all for your patience and unwavering support! It doesn't go unnoticed.**

Feel free to comment any questions you have about the story or tell me what you're hoping to find out in the next chapter.

See you on the flip side!

 

 **< 3** caprivana


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